Hello, not really sure Why I haven't been on before...
I am Keely, I live with my Fiance and 2 sons. 1 is 4 in 3 weeks. 1 is 17 months.
I have recently been started on Citalopram for anxiety. I didn't really know why, I was suffering with chest tightness for a few days and genuinely thought either I had a chest infection or my asthma was playing up. With 12 hrs of taking my first dose my tight chest was no more but I did have heart palpitation and a BP of 155/94 (high for me)
My friend did a technique with me to help me figure out my trigger of the anxiety attack.
She asked me to write down anything that troubled me over the last 18 months, screw it up and throw it in a bucket.
List as follows:
- In July last year, my 38 year old Aunt took her own life through extreme depression and addiction to prescription pain relief (morphine) from spine problems.
- Since my youngest was born 17 months ago, he has never slept through the night, he wakes at least 3 times a night on a good night but more often than not he wakes every 30 mins.
- Caleb (youngest) has been referred to pediatrician with regards to poor sleep and emotional development (separation anxiety as a knock on effect) however, it is of no help, she listens to our issues, umms and arghs and reviews us in 8 weeks :|
- He is also being referred to Physio as he is still not walking, he can stand up for a few seconds and take about 3 steps but his ankles are really weak and they suspect he has my hypermobility.
- When youngest was 3 weeks old he was admitted to hospital in HDU and put on BIPAP to help him breathe as he had a collapsed lung due to Bronchiolitis.
- On christmas eve of 2016 it was my ex's turn to have our son for xmas, off he went in the afternoon and early hours of christmas morning (1am) I had to do a 5 hour round trip with 6 week old baby fresh out of hospital to collect my son - He assaulted his partner with kids in the house.
- As a result of the Domestic Violence incident, we have had a long run with court hearings every 3 months finally completed beginning of last month where we have moved from supervised visits and now he has no intervention, overnight stays and holidays etc...
- In August my maternity leave ended and our youngest went to granparents house for the 3 days - she then decided it was too much for her with her arthritis and therefore we couldn't afford the nursery fees for having 2 children in. I then became a SAHM in October.
- Obviously this has brought financial difficulties on the family with Christmas on one wage etc, cutting down on luxuries, no money for a social life restricting us to sit in the same 4 walls.
- I had no choice but to return to work on a full time basis to enable us to qualify for childcare help, so I started a new job mid March. With very little sleep may I add.
- Partner and I take it in turns in the week getting up with Youngest. We are sleeping in separate rooms so one of us can get a better nights sleep. We only have a 2 bed house so unable to put Caleb in with his brother as it isn't fair to keep him up all night either.
- We booked our wedding in January, hardly a good start to marriage if we are already sleeping in separate rooms.
I guess I saw the bucket filling up but I always got on with it as it's life, it's how it is when you have a family, right?
I feel abit of a failure that it has come to me being put on anti-depressants.
What happens next? Do I stay on these? Do they even help? I don't know...
Thanks for listening :-)