I will be 41 in June and my 2nd child is due in October.
The father was an internet date and he has vanished. I should not dwell on what has happened but I am very down. I have a 14year child who is not happy I am pregnant. She has no contact with her own father and we have been a tight team of 2 all her life having not lived with anyone else. I keep changing my mind on how I feel about pregnancy. I was happy I thought but now and I am filled with fear and depair. I am genuinely scared of having postnatal depression again. I have bipolar and am on ESA and PIP. I've just received forms to fill in to reapply for assessment and am fearful they will think because I am pregnant that I can cope. The truth is right now I am not coping I was doing well but with this change I am now not. I am over emotional and worried. we live in a rented small 2 bed place and I know baby will need share with me. Change is something I find very hard. I struggled bringing up my daughter and wonder if I should be doing this again and the enormity of it is too much . I'm not sleeping well. My daughter wont discuss baby with me and she is upset things will change. Maybe I should take the lesser of 2 stressful life routes and have a termination. Maybe I should try to make my life work better as it is (without worry of another child with no dad and no financial security, and it upsetting and causing stress to my existing daughter who has been through enough and who I adore) rather than carry it on and despite all the wonderful love risk losing my mental health stability again and be lonely and afraid and in a very bad place. I wanted to get pregnant for years and years but now I feel I am too old to cope properly without leaning on others. Finances are a big worry but mainly how will I cope but more so how will my daughter cope with GCSES and a young sibling if I am falling apart.
Has anyone been in similar circumstances and can empathize please? I do have a supportive mental health team who I see once a week and they know all about my situation having known me for years but they say any decision is up to me they will support me either way. Thank you