This is all new to me! I’ve been with my partner for 18 years, two kids, mortgage, we probably look like a normal family until you look closely. I’ve suspected for years that my partner is an alcoholic, he started drinking every night before he came home when my youngest was 2, she’s now 12. On that time he’s run up debts to pay for his drinking, had a fling. We’ve tried to move on from all that, moved house 7 yrs ago for a fresh start. And it was for about 4 years, then he changed. His sisters partner died of cancer, his parents were away on holiday so we were her only support. From then on he resented his parents for not being there as they knew the chap was dying. There’s a lot more too it but that’s when he really changed. Sometime after a lot of convincing he went to the doc who said he was suffering with depression. He’s been given antidepressants but doesn’t want to take them, over the past 3 years he’s tried different types but stops using them. He’s had 3 councillors. Nothing helps because he won’t stop drinking. He refuses to believe he has such a problem. 2 years ago he lost his license for drinking and driving. Since then he’s been caught under the influence twice, while asleep in the car. I’m at my wits end.
I would have left him years ago but I’ve always been scared of how he would care for the kids when he had them, or worse driving them when he’s had a drink.
For the last year our relationship has been awful, we argue all the time. I can’t understand his behaviour. He won’t move out, he tells me I should as I’m not happy. He does nothing for our kids, never has. And as of the last year he doesn’t come home after work, I suspect he’s drinking. When he does rock up in the early hours he’s so angry and looking for a fight.
I’ve been seeing a councillor myself as I’m suffering with depression now. It helps when I’m there but I need more practical advice on where I stand with the house etc. I wouldn’t want him having our kids overnight as he’ll just get drunk. We have a joint mortgage and I’m self employed part time. There’s a lot more to this but I’ve got to stop somewhere. Bottom line I’m worried what this is doing to my kids, I’ve always protected them from what’s actually going on but now they are older I’m worried. They know he doesn’t come home, I’ve used all the excuses, they don’t even ask where he is anymore. Ideally I don’t want to move them from our home. Sorry this is so long!! Sadly I’ve only scratched the surface! It’s taken me years to feel strong enough to take this on and deal with it. I’m just unsure how I would cope financially, my wages wouldn’t be enough. Any advice would be welcome.