Terrible two's!

[Bellflower01]

Hello!
I'm just after any kind of advice or anyone's experiences with the dreaded terrible two's.

We have tried everything and nothing seems to work. My son is 2.5 and up until just before Christmas he was, on the whole, quite well behaved. He had his moments obviously but nothing compared to now. I started my maternity leave 3 weeks before Christmas (I now have a 7 week old girl) and we spent a lot of time together, but just before I gave birth his behaviour seemed to change over night! He is SO aggressive, shouts NO at everything, is constantly trying to hit and just screams all the time. I know the arrival of his sister has made things worse and we have made a conscious effort not to exclude him from anything. If someone is busy with the baby, he gets attention from someone else, I try to include him with helping with her, bathing etc, we bought him a doll to play with and change it's nappy etc like I do with the baby. We keep calm when he lashes out and remove him from the situation onto the naughty chair, we have tried using red and green cards with happy and sad faces, we have tried simply walking away from him ( which seems to have the best effect) but his bad behaviour starts from the minute he gets up til the minute he goes to bed, it's not just single episodes of tantrums.

He regressed when he was about 18 months and has been under a paediatrician but we're not getting very far with it. His speech was a little delayed but he's coming on quite well with it now.

I realise it's probably the arrival of the baby that's upset things and it's probably going to be a case of being patient and waiting til his understanding is a little better and he can express himself etc but I'm just concerned about the amount of aggression he displays. Any advice or just some reassurance it won't be forever would be appreciated!

Ohhh you poor thing. I feel for you i really do. I've only just finished with the terrible 2s (yes. It ends. Eventually) and even though it was about 9 months worth of screaming fit throwing stubborn eardrum shattering tantrums and fights... suddenly shes all angelic and whatever?! Toe rag 😒

Basically my advice is try to be calm (And don't feel bad because you won't always succeed. At some point, you'll probably lose it. And thats just fine). Lean on any family and friends you can for support. I spent a good couple months feeling like the shittiest mother in the world until my nan set me straight - is she cold, hot, wet, dirty, hungry, thirsty, teething, in pain? No? Then you're doing fine and she'll grow out of it. Walk away and make a cuppa... (in nans world a good cuppa fixes everything. Sometimes shes right).

Pick your battles. If you go after him for every little thing then you're going to wear yourself out. Don't sweat the small stuff save your energy for the arguments that matter. Sometimes all you can do is walk away, shut the door and let them work their emotions out. Meanwhile you go sit down, take a breathe and remember you're not alone. Sometimes a cuppa actually does help. Only you can know exactly what will work in terms of dealing with your tantruming darling.

At this age there is a lot going on in such a tiny body. Hormones and growth and emotions are rampant. Think teenage changes but in a 2 year old. They can't always communicate to us what is wrong which is why they lose it. Sometimes they just want what they want. As they get older they will learn to process the emotions. Try to reason (I know you want to stay up and play but it is bedtime because we have to be up early tomorrow. You can play with x then). Wont always work but keep at it.

And congratulations on your DD! It gets better, I promise xx

You're right. I do need to stop going after him for every little thing and pick my battles. It's very hard. I just want him to be the best person he can be, but I feel like I'm on his case all the time. It's exhausting! To be honest, he has improved since I posted this. He's just had one cold after another for months and his behaviour always regresses when he's poorly. I think he's starting to feel well again and I can see glimpses of the my little boy again! Thanks for your advice. It's nice to know it ends! Xx

Don't be too hard on yourself, at some point we all go through the same thing. Try your best to take a little time for yourself - granted hard with a new baby! But sometimes even just having an hour 1 day a week to sit, by yourself quietly with a good book and a cuppa (Yeah i turned into my nan 😂) or have a lie down will honestly save your sanity. The laundry/dishes/ vacuuming will still be there in an hour. It will get done - if you've got family like mine they might even sort it for you sometimes!

Above all trust your mothering instincts xx

My family are fantastic as is my husband. My little girl has colic, so that hasn't helped with the stress! This too shall pass, I'm sure! Thanks again for the advice xx