Friend is with a rapist
Antoinette28 · 01/02/2018 02:52
Hi everyone. Sensitive topic. Looking for some advise please. My friend is in a relationship with a convicted rapist, which she has known about from pretty much day one. They have a new baby daughter together and she has teenage children from a previous relationship. He treats her like dirt and has been in and out of prison throughout their entire relationship, she stood by him each time, her older children are terrified of him. From what I've been told, they have a volatile relationship. She doesn't seem to mind the fact that he is a pervert and a creep, he has asked her countless times to talk me into a threesome, knowing I'm in a long term relationship, he makes disgusting sexual innuendos, passing sexual comments and talks about sex non stop. He is sex obsessed and she has told me she has woken up to him having sex with her countless times, she sees nothing wrong with this. Alarm bells and red flags. But the thing is, I'm the only friend she has, she dropped the rest because they didn't like him, I didn't either but bit my tongue for her sake. I'm worried about her and her children. So I tip toe around the topic of him, I try to get her to see she deserves better etc but she goes back to him time and time again. I was recently approached by someone connected to her family and I was told he went into her teen daughters room and slapped her bum. He's a compulsive liar and master manipulator and I'm convinced he's a narcissist. What do I do? If I approach her about this she will side with him and when things go south she'll have no one and she will be isolated which is dangerous and a play ground for him. So right now I can keep an eye on her and make sure she's ok. But I feel stupid doing nothing about it at the same time. Any advice please? A very worried friend right now....
MermaidHead · 01/02/2018 20:00
Oh Dear! First and foremost come the children, are Social work involved with this family? If they are not they should be, (he should be on the sex offenders register.) You can make an anonymous report regarding the incident with the teenage daughter..that’s a real worry and could lead on to even more serious/violent behaviour, especially considering his past. Adults can make their own decisions, children can’t. If your friend sides with him and condones his abusive sexual behaviour I would be really concerned re her ability to protect her kids. If social work get involved (and very possibly the police) they can implement measures to get him out of the house ,wether she likes it or not, as they will always act for the welfare of the children. He sounds like a total creep. Avoid being in her company when he is there.Tell her you will always be there as a friend for her but can’t stand being around him. I wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of her former friends dropped HER and not the other way about. As long as she knows you will be there for her and she has someone to ask for help if she needs it. Women’s aid offer useful advice re escape plans and routes out of abusive relationships and are very discreet.
Antoinette28 · 01/02/2018 21:47
Thank you for your reply. He is on the sex offenders register. But no social workers involved. I avoid him 100 percent now, I can't stand to be around him knowing how he treats her. I'm contemplating contacting social workers, but is it my place? Her family are aware of it all and they have not done anything. I'm so concerned for her and the children. I agree with you about her friends, they possibly could have dropped her. I'm worried sick about her.
MyBrilliantDisguise · 01/02/2018 21:49
Of course you should take action!
Phone the NSPCC and tell them everything. If they consider it relevant, they'll pass it on to SS.
titchy · 01/02/2018 21:59
No I think you should completely ignore everything. He'll probably rape the teenager but hey, what could you have done about it.
Oh wait, you could have reported...
BluePheasant · 01/02/2018 22:10
I’d be worried sick about the children too, particularly the teenage daughter you need to report your concerns to SS.
Also if she is waking up to him having sex with her then he is habitually raping her.
Begrateful · 01/02/2018 22:12
That sounds like an absolutely dreadful situation for anyone to be in.
It does make me wonder about your friends state of mind. She needs help and her DC need protection. I'm surprised SS's are not already involved. You might have to make a call - sounds like it's well overdue.
ThisTime81 · 01/02/2018 22:14
Extremely surprised social work are not involved in this families lives, definitely needs to be investigated
Antoinette28 · 01/02/2018 22:27
Thats what I'm thinking, I couldnt live with myself if he done anything to her daughter. My friend suffers with depression and other mental health issues. She sees no problem with him essentially raping her in her sleep. Her family have just sat back and done nothing but I cant sit back anymore especially after being approached the other day about him touching her daughters bum.
Peachplum60 · 01/02/2018 22:31
The children are not safe there. Please help them. You need to call ss
MermaidHead · 01/02/2018 23:12
Antoinette, the best thing you can do for a friend is protect their children, especially if they are not capable of doing it for themselves. Remember that you can do it without giving your name.Please call Social Services or the Police about this creep. Don’t let him ruin more lives.
Antoinette28 · 01/02/2018 23:36
Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm going to phone social workers tomorrow, after all your advice I know I'll be doing the right thing, even if her family wont x
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.