Do partners help with baby at night?

[Pully]

I’ve been looking at several forums and articles and it seems that most partners help in some form or another at night.

Just wondering if that’s the norm??

My ds and first child is 5 months and because i’m breastfeeding i’ve always been the one up at night. Dh clocks out of ‘parenting’ from 7pm until 8 am. I’m on mat leave so it made sense early on for me to be up at night, essentially because i’m doing the feeding.
However, i’m now the only one who can really settle ds and, in a way, this seems to
excuse dh from night time stuff - at the minute feeds only take about 10 mins but I can be up for hours getting him back to sleep.

I definitely think being a sahm is as hard as a ft job ... harder even, no lunch breaks, no clocking out ... so I feel like dh should do more.

In 5 months i’ve never had a ‘night off’.
DH sleeps in spare room
He gets up at 8 am and is off to work at 8.30.
DH is home around 6 and takes ds, baths him and I get him to sleep at 7.
He is a wonderful father but I think he could do more ... am I wrong?
Is our setup fairly common??

I suppose i’m just looking for some reassurance that i’m not the only one with this arrangement and that it’s doable!
Sorry my post is so long!!

My ex helped with first baby when he had bottles. But the subsequent 3 I did all the night stuff because I was bf.

He did always bring me coffee and breakfast though and would get the older ones up

Your set up isn't ok or acceptable. He sounds very selfish and lazy.

DP always helped out when we had a baby, we split the night shifts but if your BF’ing, it’s obviously harder to do as If you’re feeding then there’s not a lot he can do.

I’ve been both a SAHP and a Working parent and I do take offence with part of your post that says being a SAHP is a lot harder. Actually psychically getting up at an early time, going to work and having to function all day is a lot harder on minimal sleep, when you stay home as much as it’s definitely hard work you can neglect the house, have a duvet day and not worry about being a mess in the middle of a meeting so I did cut DP slack in that respect.

He needs to get out of that spare room and help. Even if you agree he does 8-1am when you’re not feeding and you do 1-8am for example.

He’s a parent too and there’s no excuse for not acting like one.

I’ve done all the night stuff because i am bf my 2. Coslept with both so when they wake I just shove them on the boob and everyone goes back to sleep pretty easy so although nights are disturbed not lost much sleep

i went to bed at 8/9pm and dh stayed up till midnight with Ds. It was the best bit of sleep I got.
I got up for feeds at midnight, 3am and about 6am.
Dh also got up after ds early morning feed and watched him while he got ready for work and I got another 1-2hrs.

Split the night and do half each. Being woken for a ten minute feed (he can bring the baby to you) and then being able to go back to sleep because your husband is settling the baby is far better than having to do everything yourself. We always split everything. I'd have gone mad otherwise! It's both your baby, both of your responsibility. Imo working out of home is easier than being on mat leave.

DH and I had a system like this.
Me 7pm- roughly 2am asleep.
Him did the whole evening, and the 11/12am feed. I then took over at the next feed which was 2-4am.
Sometimes DH would get up at six and I would get another hour or so then.
On weekends he would do whole nights and I would clock out 7-7 and on middle of the week nights, I would do those hours.

Friday night DH
Saturday DH
Sunday me
Monday and Tuesday split
Wednesday me
Thursday split.

That way we did two nights a week solo, and split the rest.

I was mixed feeding. So, a mixture of breast milk in a bottle and formula.

Your DH is not pulling his weight here. He works pretty short hours (just 9 - 5 with a short commute by the sounds of it) so being a SAHP may be more tiring than that tbh. Even with an ebf baby there’s a lot more he could be doing - at that stage my Dh was dealing with everything for DD bar feeding up until about 1 or 2am so I could have an uninterrupted (save for feeding) stretch - and even with the feeding he’d bring Dd to me and take her as soon as she was done so I could go straight back to sleep while he settled her (she was never a feed to sleep type baby). Once I was back at work ft (once DD was 6 months) dh became a sahd. Baby stuff wise we split (and have continued to split) things pretty equally while I am at home, basically. If I have something career critical the next day (major meeting, court) I may go into the spare room for a night but that is rare. Expecting another and will do a similar pattern. I work considerably longer hours than your DH and have quite an “on” type of job that can and does spread into evenings etc but would never expect to come home and habitually check out like that.

There are ways around the bfing, like you do the feed when the baby wakes up in the morning, hand the baby to DP and then go back to bed for as long as you can.

I have a 6mo dd and dp has been fantastic but at the beginning it did take a bit of a talking too to get him to realise how hard it was while he was at work and I needed a break sometimes.

Generally now during the week he goes to work at about 7 and gets home at 6ish. I normally have tea ready for when he gets home we eat and he gives dd a bath and puts her to sleep. Then during the night he gets up and makes the bottles but i feed her.

On the weekends he regularly takes dd for a morning so I can go into town (he actually suggests this which I am so grateful for) I don't usually need to do much but I can have a coffee and a wander which is lovley when you've been cooped up with a teething baby all week!!

He baths baby and puts baby to bed. I go to bed with the baby and sleep when baby does. I get up on the night and BF. He goes to work so I try for him to have an undisturbed night. He stays up and plays on his PlayStation or something.

At the weekends sometimes I will prod him and get him to make a bottle up or change a nappy but I'm better off doing it myself because I can't sleep when the baby is awake. Weekend mornings he takes the baby downstairs and I have a fat lay in.

• went to bed at 8/9pm and dh stayed up till midnight with Ds. It was the best bit of sleep I got. I got up for feeds at midnight, 3am and about 6am. Dh also got up after ds early morning feed and watched him while he got ready for work and I got another 1-2hrs.*

This is what we’re doing. DH is a doctor, so requires a good chunk of sleep to function properly at work.

Okay, so the consensus is he could probably do more.
He thinks he’s doing loads so i’m not sure how to raise the point that lots of others help out more.

Timefoanamochango - i’m sorry I caused offence. I should have said that, for me, being a sahm is harder than my job ... but I accept that i’ve yet to be a working parent. I’ve another 7 months mat leave.
Also, ds only had 20 min naps 3 times a day til 4 months. He naps 40 mins 3 times a day now but only naps on me. I don’t get a break really.
Again, please accept my apologies ... i’ve It all ahead of me

Thanks everyone for all your comments. I really need to change the rota now I think, or we may never have another child

DH does stuff grumpily if I wake him up and make him but I generally take the lead. Have 10mo and 2.5 year old so past the night feeds but 2.5yo is not a good sleeper and the little one in the middle of teething so we are up a fair bit.

It pisses me off quite a lot! I work 3 days now, he works FT but only has to go into the office as much as me so don't think he really has much of an argument there. He's a heavy sleeper so just says 'I can't help it if I don't wake up'🙄