Christmas shops at primary school

[Mellybobs]

Hi guys,
I’m new on here and looking for some advice regarding my dd primary school.
Every ‘event’ such as Mother’s Day Father’s Day Christmas the school parents group put a ‘shop’ together to raise funds for the School. This involves the children taking in £1.50 per gift for a pre wrapped present for parents, grandparents or siblings.
My issue is that I don’t want to raise my child to believe that she has to buy me a present to make me happy! I hate this consumerist way of thinking!
I spoke to the headmistress about this issue last year and asked her to consider the traditional values of making your parents a gift, I think my mum still has our old awful School made Christmas baubles somewhere! Haha I also mentioned maybe doing a survey to see if any other parents feel the way I do....in the playground the other mums have indicated they go along with this shopping g idea to stop their child feeling they are left out or missing out.
The head has done nothing and here we are again...all the kids being rounded up to do their shop n I’m faced yet again with my child feeling different or left out if I don’t send her in to do the same!
So annoyed!
Am I being a miserable Scrooge or should I make this a formal complaint is my question really?
Thank you for reading my rant if you did :)

A formal complaint for what? You are being ridiculous , schools are strapped for cash I think it's a lovely idea.

What do th err y do about parents who don't send money in? Parents don't even pay for snack, trips, own clothes' day or dinners in dc school (and I don't mean people who can't pay). They'd never get money for that.

Thanks for the replies....even the rude ‘ridiculous ‘comment. I’m entitled to my opinion and entitled to raise my children with the values I believe in.

I don't know what a formal complaint would look Like hence the post looking for advice....not just stupid comments about being viewed as ‘ridiculous ‘for expressing my own wishes for my child and the expectation that I feel School should consider other people’s views on this.

To the more interested poster, the school don’t do anything if you don’t send money in for the shop, it’s more the social stigma for the child who doesn’t get to go up and buy the ‘gift’ . I hate that my kid feels left out because School are enforcing a tradition whereby they are expected to buy gifts for people at the age of 4+

See, our school wouldn't do that because they're aware of the social stigma. It's why they no longer provide snack for infants-9 of us paid, but 30kids were still getting fed.

A school has 100 pupils.

School sends out message asking for 50p per child to pay for pencils and paper: maximum 20% of parents send money in. 50p x 20 = £10 received.

School/PTA sends out message asking for £1.50 per child for gift shop, buys gifts for £1 each, wraps them. Each child gets a nice gift, kids enjoy choosing, and maybe 80% of parents contribute. Win/win. 50p profit x 80 = £40 received.

Why do you think the school does this? For fun? No! It’s not fun for the staff or helpers. It’s time-consuming and stressful! But it makes more money than asking for money.

Do not complain unless you are willing to write a cheque for the money they would have raised through the gift shop. The schools have to raise funds somehow. It doesn’t grow on trees!

My kids School is in quite an affluent area and almost every week we’re being asked to donate this or send money in for that.

School trips etc is fine, donating fundraising stuff I’ve not got a problem with, we pay for School discos and fancy dress days etc but I’ve a really big problem with the kids being taught that you have to buy your loved ones gifts!

I’m annoyed the head mistress hasn’t done anything with my suggestion to ask all parents or considered the children making gifts instead...we could contribute arts and crafts money or items...I don’t know whether to raise it again or accept the situation and follow the rest of the sheep!

It’s not fair on the kids who can’t afford to participate or fair on the kids whose parents don’t want them to participate!

Thank you for replying again btw :)

Join the school parents group, give your time, and implement changes yourself?

P.S. The Head is politely ignoring you. Christmas is quite a busy time of year for schools...

My kids school does this and I hate it, because usually it complete tat that we can't use, wrapped in mountains of plastic.

But my kids love it, they get really excited about choosing something for me and DH. They know I don't expect a gift, but they love giving.

Join the PTA and find a better way of raising money for your school?

The PTA do this at DC's school. We get complaints if they don't do it.
It is popular with separated parents as they are not relying on the other parent to organise the gifts. The children love choosing their own gift for their parent too.

I can’t join the PTA as I’m a single Mum working full time, it’s a shame because that’s a great idea!!

I think you’re right about the head ignoring me, although I didn’t raise it now, I raised it in September when the kids went back to school!

From the comments you guys are leaving I think I’m just going to have to suck it up haha I think you’ve made good points re separated parents ...I just hate it!! Give me an awful home made bauble any day as a gift rather than a purchase made in School!
Thanks though guys :)

"The head has done nothing"

This is completely correct course of action, because as you point out: "the school parents group put a ‘shop’ together to raise funds for the School. This involves the children taking in £1.50 per gift for a pre wrapped present for parents, grandparents or siblings"

Heads do not involve themselves in PTA fundraising activities.

PTAs will do whatever brings in a decent level of return for their effort.

Many parents are busy, but it will be those who find the time amidst their busy-ness to be involved who will be deciding that. You seem to have found time to canvas some parents - sounds like you could take on a PTA role (they're pretty flexible about what/when/how)

This isn’t teaching your DC that you “have” to give a gift - it’s teaching them the pleasure of giving a gift ... of choosing something themselves, and wrapping and giving a surprise.

If you don’t want your DC to participate that’s fine - teach them that Christmas is about spending time with family, celebrating Christ’s birth - whatever. The problem is, gift giving at Christmas is a central part of our culture - presumably you give and enjoy choosing gifts for your DC? Tell them you prefer handmade gifts if you like.

You’re being a bit unreasonable to ask School to take on making crafts though - that’s a drain on their time in the way that a PTA organised “gift shop” is not. And their finances - baubles & craft kit for 30 kids per class is a lot in these times of stretched budgets.

Our school does both - the “gift shop” is part of the fair, and so is optional and very much not a “social stigma” - there are loads of other things to do at the fair. They make crafts in school for Christmas and Mothers/Fathers Day etc.

You don’t need to “join” the PTA to offer them an idea. If you say “I don’t like the gift shop and think the DC should make crafts instead” they’ll think you’re Scrooge-like and ignore you, as these things genuinely bring the kids a lot of pleasure. If you say “Would you consider doing it a bit differently- maybe as part of the Fair, with a craft stall for handmade baubles alongside, so people can choose and the DC who don’t have £1.50 have a cheaper 50p option?” You might get a different response. You can email the PTA or talk to your class rep.

As with an school fundraiser you aren't forced to take part. Even if school wasn't doing it, many kids would buy parents a small Xmas gift.