10 year old possibly self harming 😟😟

[Discoverers2017]

Hi new here and at my witts end with this and don't know what to do. I have 2 DD, 10 and 16. My youngest is insisting her sister is bullying her and has some bruising on her arms.....BUT they are in a position on her arm that would indicate she's done them herself ie: inside her upper arms??? and is blaming her sister. I'm finding it very hard as to what to do next as both girls are getting very upset about it. Eldest can't believe she would say something like this, and I don't want it to affect their relationship. Anyone else been through something like this? Please help 😔😔

Hi there.

I'm new here too and just posted my first thread. Eeeep.

Want to give u a virtual hug but also want to firstly ask if there's been any tension etc between your daughters? More so than the normal biccering I would assume happens?
Xxx

Hi. This is a very quiet section of the site. Maybe try posting again in Parenting or Preteens.

Lots of lovely wise posters around.

Take your 16 year old aside (maybe take her out for coffee) and ask her openly if she has hurt her sister. Tell her you totally understand it can be difficult having a younger sister. If she has done it because sister was annoying her in some way you would not be angry with her and would like to talk about how she is affected and put some things in place to stop the annoyances. If she still says she hasn't done it see if she knows if anything is upsetting her sister. Say she can always come to you with any problems or concerns and you will listen and do your best to sort things out.
If it turns out your youngest is likely to have done the self harming herself I think you might need to get her some counselling. 10 year olds have a more stressful life these days and things they see online from older kids don't help.

Hi what a worrying situation for you. what Is your gut feeling? One technique that may help if talking is getting no
where is a pretty notebook that you write affirming words in at the start why you love her how important she is etc and explain its a private notebook for both of you to write things that are difficult to say and leave under each other pillow. Sometimes taking the immediate confrontation out of a situation and using writing instead of speaking can lead to more open and honest communication.. You could do it with both girls if you think it would help. If your youngest is making it up there may be something that is making her unhappy, either that she is dealing with by making herself hurt or by making marks to get your attention.

Did she show you the Bruises or did you notice them?
When does she say they happened, could you eldest be upsetting her in other ways that don't show?
Could she have caused they herself by giving herself a love bite and is embarrassed and trying to find a reasonable excuse?

Hi everyone.... Thank you for your comments. Firstly M (youngest) showed me the bruises telling me H had done It, and she's bullying me. I have sat down with H and explained how serious it's getting, told her she wont get into trouble, as i really need to know whats happening and asked her if she did cause the bruises or know how they happened, to which she said I have hurt her in the past, but nothing like that, I wouldn't. It's causing real tension in the house at the moment. M is insisting we put cameras up to catch H doing it? I'm so confused over it all and who to believe. I've worked with children for 17 yrs, but this I'm struggling with 😟

You believe the abused child. Are the bruises finger sized? If so I'd strongly believe what she says and find out why your eldest DD is acting that way and lying about it.

Separate them for a while. If she's telling the truth, she gets respite and she knows you care. If she's not, she might stop and decide it's not worth it. The oldest is old enough to understand when you tell her that you need to trust your daughter's word because it's important to show trust in a situation where someone is getting hurt - tell her even though it may not be true, we need to show your little sister that we're listening. Something like that. Get her on board.

But for what it's worth, my brother always left bruises inside my upper arm. It's where he grabbed me.

Thanks everyone.... update. Things have been alot better lately. Told my youngest I had spoken with her sister, which I have and she has stopped the whole negativity attitude towards H. Strange it's like M just needed to hear she was believed, still not sure if she caused the bruises, but all is quiet at the moment. Thanks for posting x x