Hello everyone.
This is my first time on the website and my first time in asking a question.
Can anyone empathise or advise, please ?
4 months ago, the morning after the first night my new partner and I spent together, he suddenly felt unwell, standing in the kitchen with me, and I realised within seconds that he was having a left sided stroke. I won't go into all the details right now, but needless to say, it was a highly charged and frightening experience. I managed to get an ambulance to us within 8 minutes and he was in a specialist stroke unit and scanned, within an hour.
I think the speed has helped in that he now only has very minor loss of sensation in his left palm, and can't always recognise that he is holding something.
However - the worst aspect to have arisen is his deep sense of depression and confusion. Totally totally understandable and I am so sympathetic and feel very protective. However, after the first couple of 'honeymoon' weeks, when we were very close and bonded, he began to pull away from me. Our relationship seemed to become just physical for him, & I would only hear from him or see him sporadically. I do understand but it does hurt very much. His family and other friends have not been pushed away. I should add that he is 58 and we have been just friends for over 20 years, having been close due to supporting each other over failed marriages (each of us) & lots of other elements which bond us. We even watched 'When Harry Met Sally' the night before we decided we wanted to push our friendship further.
So, sleeping together seemed to come as a bit of a surprise for us both but now, I fear it may have been a mistake.
We have not spoken or seen each other for 6 weeks now, & it is destroying me. I worry so much about how he is. He said he needed to get his head sorted. Was in his 'cave'.
In the last 3 weeks, I have been crying so much and haven't been able to sleep. I have had hideous nightmares, which combine saving his life, intermingled with an incident when I also saved my father's life, when I was 15.
I finally surcumbed and spoke recently to a counsellor, who has said I am suffering from delayed grief and a sort of post traumatic stress disorder. This seems so self indulgent and I am embarrassed by my feelings, especially as I am a medical person myself.
I wonder if anyone else has experienced anything similar, having been in a similar situation? I feel so heartbroken and don't know if I should contact him, or just leave it until he may feel he can talk again.