American mom moving to Derbyshire

[Scorpionflower1]

Hello All,

I'm an American Californian mom of 3 daughters ages 17, 15, and 8. We're planning a move to Derbyshire this summer and I'm looking to learn as much as I can. My DSO is from Derbyshire and is currently there there looking at places. I've only visited the area once before so feel I'm flying blind.

I'm hoping to connect with some mom's in the area who may be willing to provide some insights as to living there. What towns are most ideal for families? Which towns would be most embracing of my Californian daughters and myself? Which are the best schools? I'm a corporate accountant. What areas would have the best career opportunities for my profession?

Any feedback or insights would be greatly appreciated!

I totally appreciate life is for living but without qualifications your DD's won't be able to access further education or employment. There is a significant risk they will, due to their ages, slip between the US and UK examination systems.

Another thing to keep in mind. We don't always have equivalents of American events/products/places and those that do exist will be vastly different. This isn't a bad thing though, it's just different. Very, very different.
Disneyland Paris isn't far, you can hop on a train from London.
Great theme parks are
Alton Towers
Chessington
Thorpe Park
Blackpool Pleasure Beach
There are also scores of incredibly well thought of museums (family friendly) in the north and midlands.

Many will argue I am totally wrong on this front but people in the UK are very, very different to Americans, especially Californians. I am from Ireland but apart from 5 years in the US, I have lived in the UK all my adult life and find the people to be less outgoing, generally more introverted and pessimistic. Brits love a moan more than any other group of people I have ever met. Bonding tends to be over a moan about something small going wrong in the day. Overly positive people are viewed with suspicion in an almost comedic way.

However once you crack a Brit (and it does take quite some time) you can build solid, decent friendships. There isn't so much the culture of meeting up in huge friendship groups for lunches that I was used to in California and Utah. People do socialise widely but generally tend to stay within a group of key friends which was very different from my experience in California in particular.

EatSpamAmandaLamb - Thank you sooo much for the insight! It does explain a lot! Yes, as Californians we tend to be adventurous and emphasize life experiences over the practical. From this perspective I can see how to people here may see me as being risky, flighty, and/or irresponsible. We do analyze and plan but we talk about those details less, especially in larger groups or forums. Socialization here is often in groups. I'm involved with social groups through my UU church, meetups, etc. We tend to not complain as that is seen as ungrateful and rude.

So, how does this effect the idea of possibly meeting up with some members when I'm over on one of my upcoming trips? I find in person conversations can be very constructive vs online exchanges.

I'm from California. I have thought hard thru the practicalities of how to successfully move back & forth with teenagers. I know coders in multiple countries. I get how OP is thinking.

hahahha... The English are the world's biggest moaners. Brace yourself.

Keep us posted how it all turns out? x

The thing is though, whilst I love the Californian outlook, everything the fantastic posters on this thread have said is true. Especially in regards education. The entire education and employment system is set up in a very, very specific way so that as much as life experience might go across well in America, it will factor for practically zilch here esp in terms of progressing in higher education or job. I would aim for them to do distance learning to at the very least get their GEDs and then go from there. They will have a base level for the schools and colleges to jump off from. You can, I am sure join home school groups and I do know some colleges will accept children of 14 upward to do maths and English GCSEs which are the very basics of all post 16 educational requirements (and most decent jobs). Do your children play sports or musical instruments?

Moaning (as compared to complaining) isn't really seen as rude - more as a national pastime here. People don't tend to moan about the things people have done for them but more a situation like weather, traffic, government, kids, health. It's bonding.

What kind of church is UU? Unitarian? I work part time for my local church (I live down south now but spend half of my time in Manchester), I could point you in the direction of a similar church/group of churches in the Derbyshire area.

You've mentioned a couple of times how wonderfully cheap University in the UK is compared with the US (you mentioned $60,000 for your degree. Sorry to break it to you, but it's actually about the same or more in the UK for international students, which is what they'd be classed as.

These are the fees at the University Of Birmingham, PER YEAR:

^ could you afford to pay that for your daughters to go to University? I'm guessing not, from what you've said.

I know a family who moved from the US to U.K. With an 18 year old who was just able to get the GED before moving and a 14 year old who went from being in gifted & talented in US 8th Grade to UK Year 10 and struggling because the kid had to totally miss out 9th Grade / UK Year 9 due to the different age ranges (here they are 1st September to 31st August for admissions).

EatSpamAmandaLamb - UU is Unitarian Universalist. We're a liberal church who embraces all lifestyles and beliefs, and are very involved in social action, human rights, etc. I've been meaning to look into the churches there to see if there's a similar spiritual environment.

Might be of help?? www.unitarian.org.uk/civicrm-contact-distance-search

That is very useful!! The UU church which I am a member of is the merging of the Unitarian and Universalist churches. This really is comforting to see what appears to be a similar church environment in UK!

I love your positive attitude :) I am a teacher as if you need any info or any course bits I can send your daughters let me know. My son has aspergers and has just started uni :) x

I'm a fellow UU in the U.K. Happy to help if I can.

Awe thanks everyone! I really do appreciate all of you! I apologize for not responding to everyone directly. I've taken many notes from this thread so everyone's feedback has contributed!

Donkeyofdoom - Are there actual UU congregations or just Unitarian ones from the link above? I tried to catch my minister today after service (still Sunday here lol) but he went into an immigration forum before I had a chance to talk to him.

We do have a lot of 'big' clocks. Mainly on churches. I can hear the church clock bells in my house even though it's across a field and a couple of streets away. It strikes every hour day and night, the church bells are also rung every Sunday from 9.30 - 10.00 for service and for weddings. I love it!

They are Unitarians not UU but for all intents and purposes the congregations we have been a part of are indistinguishable from US congregations complete with American UU ministers brought over. It is a VERY small faith here though and I think you're unlikely to find a congregation near you. It's one of the main drivers for us staying in London that we can't find a congregation of any size outside London. Several of the teachers at the American School in London are UUs and two of them run the Sunday school at one of the main congregations in London. I'm sure they'd be willing to help on the education system differences etc.

You really are going to have to brace yourself for the only thing culturally being the same is the language (sort of!) when you get here especially where your headed. I'd keep a pretty big escape hatch back to the US open for your older two kids. Happy to discuss by PM if you'd like.

Donkeyofdoom - Well, I can hope there will be a congregation not too far. If not my Tapestry UU congregation does put sermons online.

We do have safety nets in place should my girls want to come back. My parents are here in our current town, and I have two adult children. My teenage girls have the options of England, CA, Las Vegas, or Hawaii.

In the UK its unusual to talk openly about your church. Religion is often considered a private matter to lots of people and to a good proportion of the population it has no meaning or relevance(we have a lot of athiests and alternative faiths here) and you may be considered a little odd if you like to chat about it. Sunday mornings are generally reserved for hobbies/football/rugby/lounging around in bed rather than church.

However most churches would welcome you should you not find an exact match for your current church.

Americans can seem brash and loud and Brits easily mistake American kindness for bragging which can make it difficult to form friendships.
My son has a girl from Texas in his class. She is finding it incredibly difficult to make friends. She is very loud and very confident and she comes across as a little snobby because she is always right and will not listen to anyone elses point of view. This is because she is extremely confident in herself which her parents are also the same. Brits are more reserved and perhaps less confident.

Finding friendship groups may be easier if you join a gym or help at the primary school (schools may have a ptfa, parent teacher friends association for fund raising, for you to help with too). Theres always things like community groups, my town has an annual carnival organised by volunteers, maybe the local round table (fund raising charity group) could do with help. All of these groups will then lead to social events which you will be able to make friends within.

Young Farmers (social group, no need to be a farmer) can be great fun especially for teenagers who can join their social clubs. They hold lots of events throughout the year.

And Odinslovechild just told you exactly what we have encountered - no one here has a clue what Unitarianism is....they mostly reckon you're a bible beater. Just for the record Unitarians do not in general believe in the divinity of Jesus. It is not a part of the religion. We have lots of atheists among us. There really is no dogma. Another church besides a UU church is generally not an option for most members as the reason most ended up in a UU church is because they didn't like having someone else tell them what to believe and were looking for a spiritual rather than religious community.

Ahhh and then there's the anti-American sentiment. I've found it runs far deeper on mumsnet than in real life. In very broad strokes we do fit in better in London than rural more provincial places. But I also have found we fit in just fine in the North as well as people were a bit more outgoing and friendly. The class system is something that will never make sense to me completely. You might enjoy reading "Watching the English" if you haven't read it already.

Honestly the weather is a bigger issue! If you don't end up depressed in the first year I'll be impressed. The dark at 4pm with the endless gray skies is tough. That first winter is generally ok because all is new but the second winter is the one you feel.

I'd agree with what others have said about religion.

I believe the UK is 60% Athiest and many religious people are the older generation Church Of England or are "culturally" C of E but not practising.

I'd also agree that it is something we tend to be fairly quiet about. Also, I'd say that minority Christian religions are viewed with a degree of suspicion over here by many, plus they do make up a very tiny proportion of the population.... I'm sure the other UU poster has far better info on this though!

Perhaps it's worth emailing the relevant UU organisations over here?

Wow! Now that is nice!! It drives me nuts having religion shoved in my face over here! I'm definitely not Christian!!! Having my UU church here is actually like a sanctuary from all the religion around. Since I can say I am a member of a church people will leave me be and not try to get us to come to their church. It also gives me support being non-religious in a very predominantly Christian society. It's not as bad here as in other parts of US I've lived in, but it's still a big thing.

You could consider the Quakers if you want a church community to join, Scoprionflower. They are Christian but arguably more in spirit than adherence to scripture. They led the campaign to get gay marriage legalised in the UK.

Yes, I think it will be pretty different to the US!

Anyway, let us know if you want any help navigating the schools admissions process.

We're making progress on the educational front. I found an online private school for my DD1 to complete high school diploma through. Their format sounds like it'll work well with her organization shortcomings. Additionally, DD1 has finally said what she would like to do for career...Librarian. So, we now have a career path to research.

That's brilliant that she will be able to complete her diploma!