Morning all. I'm early 40s, autism diagnosed, looking for work.
I'm worried about how I come across now I'm older and less healthy and attractive to distract from my weirdness.
I've never been true to myself in work situations because it's always seemed smarter to put on a professional front. Nevertheless I've found myself in situations where I've angered and upset people when looking for clarity, which feels awful and I know I should've handled things better, whilst at the same time wondering why they took it that way when I'm coming from a good place and just trying to understand. Also things like crying uncontrollably when 'told off'. And burning out.
I need to not put any future employment at risk like that.
My diagnosis wasn't as thorough as I felt it should have been so haven't ever been able to fully accept it. However, for the first time I acknowledged it on a job application. Feel a bit of a fraud. What if I get asked about it and what accommodations I need? I have no idea how to answer that since I've spent so long trying to be normal.
So I don't know how to manage things or my own attitude and behaviour. Do I be upfront and be seen as unfairly looking for special treatment, or do I hide it and try to be normal whilst probably coming across as mentally ill again, do I maybe only tell someone if an issue arises? or do I just be myself and just accept I can't do anything customer facing because I'll unsettle people with my weird eye contact?
There are so few jobs to apply for in the first place and times are desperate.
Help! Has anyone experienced similar? How did you navigate it?