How do you handle people doubting a late autism or ADHD diagnosis?

[theodextrey]

how do you deal with peers around you questioning or invalidating you’re autism/adhd diagnosis?

I guess I’ve done such a tremendous job masking for years, people around me don’t believe anything is wrong with me, I also look somewhat normal.

Even explaining my childhood symptoms like needing shoes extra tight or I’d have a meltdown, going mute as a child, excessive daydreaming, early reader, severe difficulty’s around age 12. I had to leave school due to depression and anxiety I still get doubted.

I also have trichtillomania. Struggled with heavy anxiety and depression, suicidal thoughts since I was a child. Strong sensitivity to sound.

Not to mention Ehlers Danlos/pots/mcas which are often comorbid with autism/adhd.

why are late diagnosed seemingly “normal” often doubted?

I also want to add all my life people have called me strange or weird, while on the other hand when I say I have autism I’m told “nothing is wrong with you” 🙄

Who are the people doubting you?

My partner(male), my brother and some of my former coworkers. It’s very hurtful and dismissive

So the closest people in your life think you’re faking it?

Well…. Dump your OH and distance from your brother surely

well they don’t say I’m faking it, they’re just like “nothing is wrong with you” or “you’re fine you don’t have that”

I don’t think they have much of a grasp of what autism looks like in women and don’t really listen when I’ve tried to explain it to them in the past.

I'm sorry you're being undermined by those closest to you like this: as you said it sounds like they have little to no understanding of how autism can present differently in women and girls. Not listening when you try to explain is shitty of them.

That is exactly what they’re saying… you’re faking it!

Are you dependent on your partner for care or something?

We live together now, but I lived on my own for several years. 15 year long career.

My partner will also comment how painfully awkward I am socializing, how sometimes I go mute and my voice changes in social settings which really hurts my feelings as I’ve heard it from past boyfriends as well.

he’s never explicitly said I’m faking it he just doesn’t think I have autism. Oddly enough he watches tik tok creators who’s family members have profound autism and finds them interesting.

Op are you dependent on him in some way? Care? Financially? Otherwise makes zero sense why with him

He does help me a lot. I’m unable to drive currently after a traumatic event I experienced while driving but I’m working on getting back to it.

Ok so this is a very unhealthy dynamic. Someone who belittles you is also your carer.

I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time, but I'm glad to hear you have got your a diagnosis and hopefully things are starting to make sense for you and you're letting go of some of blame/shame a lot of us carry about. When did you get you're diagnosis?

My advice - focus on you first and be kind on yourself

The truth is it takes time to work through a diagnosis (even if you've been fighting for an assessment for years) as chances are you have been through a world full of hurt before you got here and now you need to look back at these things through a different lens and almost make sense of them again. Your friends and family will have formed their picture of you from their own understanding of their world so they now need to do the same thing but probably without the same level of understanding of ND you have. So they need time too and gently educating so that they can join you in your journey.

Its a fact that there is an element of truth in the 'this didn't exist when i was a kid argument' - of course it did, but it probably wasn't recognised for what it was and unless you were a little boy causing chaos you were unlikely to ever get a diagnosis and sadly the science is still catching up, but it is coming.

Have you joined any of ND forums, they may act as a bit of stop gap for support whilst things are tricky at home? I really hope things work out - stay strong and on your tough days remember everything you have already got through to get to this point - you've got this!

It's a lonely existence alright. I empathise deeply.

I haven't told my family, and the only friends that understand are those that are ND themselves. Even then, some of them are more 'obviously' ND than me, so they don't fully get the hell that is coming across as NT in every way, but dealing with major internal turmoil & stress every damn day.

My advice would be to educate yourself on late diagnosis, particularly in women, and to put things in place that make your life more manageable. Ignore ignorant people and be very very kind to yourself.