Do autistic men usually notice flirting?

[Gardeninging]

Hi.

I've recently met someone who I think is probably likely to be autistic. He can't make small talk, he's an extreme introvert, he's an absolute genius in the specialist area in how I know him etc.... He's never said he is or isn't by the way, so I could be making a huge assumption but I do assume he is for a wide range of reasons.

He has the most intense blue eyes I've ever seen, he makes really strong direct eye contact that lasts a long time. So that's the only thing that makes me wonder if he isn't ND, because apparently eye contact isn't easy for autistic people?
Do any of you know much about that?

Mainly though, given that he likely is,
Can autistic men tell if you're being flirtatious or suggestive? Is it just annoying to them or do they just not notice, or do they notice but don't know what to do?

What's "flirting"? How does it differ from ordinary social interaction?

Intense staring, locked gaze, can certainly be an autistic behaviour. Reasons for it vary.

Like a lot of other men, those with autism may perceive signs of romantic interest when they want to! If they're interested in you, they'll think you're flirting if you cough in their direction. If they aren't, they either don't notice or think you're a bit odd.

You're right, though, that autistic people often don't pick up on social cues so it's probably best to verbalise your interest directly.

I’ve had to have chats with DS about noticing. He’s actively aware of it now and trying. I don’t think it comes easy to him though.

If this is a serious question ....
It's usually body language like leaning towards the person, touching an arm or something.
Basically normal interaction but "closer" than just casually chatting with a friend I guess?
I sound ridiculous now I wouldn't know how to explain it without sounding creepy 😆

Interesting!

Yes I hope he doesn't think I'm just "a bit odd" haha he probably does.

He is gorgeous but apart from long deep intense eye contact which makes me really think he's interested, he gives nothing away !

This is a serious question. You posted in the ND board. I am autistic. I do not know how flirting differs from normal social interaction.

touching an arm.

Nope-nope-nope-nope to doing that.

just casually chatting with a friend

Also do not comprehend.

Surely the question should be do autistic people notice flirting?

I'm autistic and other peoples behaviour is not only extremely difficult to interpret it is also almost impossible to know if I'm responding to it correctly.

Actually I don't even understand why you would want to be flirtatious or suggestive. It sounds pretty horrendous to me. Why don't you have an adult conversation with the guy?

I think the OP's problem is the same pair of linked problems that I face:

• How do I tell whether someone is romantically or sexually interested in me?
• How do I communicate sexual or romantic interest to another person in a way that we can both move on from amicably if the other person isn't interested?

The neurotypicals have the ability to issue small hints that they like someone and escalate or back off depending on whether the hints are reciprocated. This allows the recipient of unwanted hints to graciously pretend that she never saw them, letting the relationship continue platonically if the issuer respects her boundaries and backs off.

"Flirting" is the term used to describe these hints. As I outlined earlier, I have no means to differentiate flirting from normal social interaction on account of being autistic. We can't detect the hints and don't know how to issue them, and an "all cards on the table" adult conversation is a very high-risk strategy if you, for example, need to carry on working with the person afterwards. It will be awkward to have to work with someone who you know for sure feels unrequited desire for you and you can't both pretend that he doesn't.