On being a neurodivergent woman

[Supercuriousforever]

Do you think being a woman made neurodivergence harder for you? Like do you think life would have been easier if you were male? Did you face some extra challenges along the way?

Wow I knew that the statistics were high, but 90% is shocking. If there is this prevalence for neuro diverse women to be pre disposed to different kinds of trauma and I'd include home, school and work based bullying here, you'd think that anxiety/ptsd would be considered to be a co morbid diagnosis.

In my own experience and that of several other women I know personally, autism was missed/nearly missed and explained by symptoms of anxiety or other mental health disorders. I really do hope that the criteria in the DMS-5 for autism women is evaluated and updated to reflect this at some point.

autism was missed/nearly missed and explained by symptoms of anxiety or other mental health disorders

I was only diagnosed in my 40s. But apparently I was depressed with elements of EUPD from late teens onwards...

I think you are absolutely correct that anxiety and PTSD should be considered co-morbid. I'd also suggest that more than one instance of sexual assault or DV should be considered a red flag for autism, because if we keep "walking into" abuse, it's probably because we cannot detect an abuser.

Self, that makes me feel sad and angry both for you and for the collective struggle. I am so sorry that you were let down.

The person assessing me said 'I don't see autism, I see trauma' and I felt this wave of despair wash over me. I know from observing and fighting for my son's needs, that autism is absolutely at my core. There are so many painful similarities. It is still just such a battle for women in the autistic community to find their voice.

I'm 42. I was diagnosed with Autism last week. I wasn't surprised but some of my colleagues have been. I'm pretty successful but that's mainly due to what I feel is a heroic level of masking and working in a field that requires detail oriented tasks.

I am relieved to have the "wondering if" off my plate - it explains a lot. I'm now thinking about some autism informed coaching as a lot of my struggles have been related to managing new situations without explicit instructions/"how to". Secondary school, university, some of my training courses...

In think, were I a man, my autistic traits may have been better tolerated rather than being seen as "cold", "intense", "brusque", "aggressive" (I could go on...)

I never know what the right response is when someone is newly diagnosed, but hope it comes across ok if I say Congratulations!

I am glad you are feeling relieved. I certainly felt that initially, it is very validating isn't it? People have reacted in a similar way and have expressed surprise at my diagnosis. I think that is the essence of a lack of awareness of the female presentation, as mentioned upthread. I certainly identify with adeptness at masking and certainly agree that autistic traits are more acceptably received in males. My husband was diagnosed as AUDHD at the same time as I was and we were even treated totally differently at assessment level.

I'd be really interested to hear how you get on with autism coaching, it is something I have been thinking about.

I have an appraisal at work tomorrow so am going to ask what the next steps might be. I will let you know if I find out anything useful.

I believe it has made things harder as a woman, yes. Especially for us high masking, high functioning women. I would call it an invisible disability.

I’m frequently dismissed by my peers “nothing is wrong with you” but also constantly told how weird and awkward I am, the masking has always been exhausting.

I also have Ehlers Danlos,POTs, and MCAS which are often comorbid with autism & adhd.