Any neurodivergent mums here?

[Neurodiversemom]

Are there any neurodivergent mums on here? How do you manage the sensory overload and exhaustion, especially with young children? I sometimes feel like I’m failing even though I’m trying my best. Would love to hear what’s helped others.

Many neurodivergent mums feel this. Lower expectations, take small sensory breaks, and remember: feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you care and you’re trying.

I haven't mastered self regulation yet. I let my husband take over after work and at weekends as much as possible so I get a break. If I can, getting out for short periods with the kids help (we have a lovely small woodland and river on our doorstep and a walk in nature really helps me) but sometimes I do use the TV to occupy them for short spans whilst I take a break if I need it during the day. I wish my kids showed and interest in gardening..I'd be set!

Yes 👋🏻 and I don't 😭 had such a shit day today feeling so overwhelmed as well as no sleep and a painful migraine. DD is now away to bed and I'm in tears 😭😭😭 x

Yes I feel this too. I'm undiagnosed but definitely have alot of ADHD traits. My eldest son (12) is autistic and I have a younger son age 10 and a daughter age 5. I think just lower your expectations, I really have done this over the last year or so. One job at a time, washing try and put away once a load is dry. Clear washing up the night before. My partner is out of the house 12 hours Monday to Friday so I'm like a single parent through the week. He's helpful mostly on a weekend. I don't have much family support apart from my mother in law.

You are absolutely not failing — what you’re describing is incredibly common, especially for neurodivergent mums with young children.
From a sleep perspective, a lot of the exhaustion and sensory overload isn’t just “tiredness” it’s chronic nervous-system overload. Broken sleep, night waking, early mornings, constant touch/noise, and never really switching off means your brain rarely gets proper recovery time.

You’re trying your best in a role that is relentless, often without enough rest or understanding. Reaching out like this shows strength, not failure.

You’re not alone — and you’re doing better than you think 💙

Feeling overwhelmed, anxious and lots to do, sleep deprived and working, money worries..........i think all parents and most people have cycles of these and struggle...it will come and go over your life as responsibities pile up. Children can be so wearing and we try so hard. You cant have it all,you cant do it all, you can only do your best. If at the end of each day you know you did your best, you cant do more. Cut yoursrlf some slack. Its fashionable to label everyone but its just life and the journey youre on.

Sending you a hug from afar. I write the below with tongue in cheek and good intention as a 30-something with ADHD.

• For screaming or loud children: Earplug or heavy duty ear defenders. Your child is in distress anyway so no need for you to be too and for inner rage to build.
• equally, regardless of if you're holding your child or not, sometimes they can't or will not settle. If you need 3 minutes to yourself to breathe, take it. You aren't a bad parent for oxygenation. Air hostesses quite literally tell you to put your mask on before the ankle biters when on a lovely trip to Spain, so it applies to everyday life too. Its in the parenting rules book, I pinky promise!
• Don't do it alone. Ensure you seek support and share the load. If you don't have close friends or family, cry. Find gyms or Ikeas with free childcare to give yourself regular time to yourself. This is only a neurodivergent mum hack if you make sure you don't buy a bloody Billy Bookcase at every b** visit. You don't have to use the gym or pool but if it has a fancy spa facility, you could put the kids in childcare and take a 2 hour jacuzzi. Lovely. Or eat a plate of 12 meatballs in ikea whilst scrolling on your phone. Take the break. In all seriousness, it allows time away from a child being stuck to you and prevents touch overstimulation and sensory burnout.
• Remind yourself you aren't a bad parent if your child uses a tablet or gadget. Electronic devices aren't evil. You would only be evil of you tried to stuff your child into the microwave.

You're doing the best you can. Without making anyone spiral, if you yourself are neurodivergent and/or your partner, its likely your child will also inherit and display similar challenges and therefore the usual child "noise" is amplified. So not only does your own neurodiversity magnify the noise/pain of existing, the child itself probably produces more too for the same reason. Its good to keep this in mind when they're on the floor in sainsburys screaming like a banshee, causing Edna over in the bakery to keel over the sourdough cob. Its easy to get freaked out when everyone is staring. But try to challenge your own thoughts if you find they take over and make things worse. E.g. reframing "omg my child is having a tantrum and I'm losing control and everyone thinks im a bad mum" to "ah my poor child is probably experiencing some type of sensory challenge. They might be struggling with bright lights and lots of people. I will the best I can to help them through whilst not giving one toss about Edna and the bread"

X

Sending you a hug from afar. I write the below with tongue in cheek and good intention as a 30-something with ADHD.

• For screaming or loud children: Earplug or heavy duty ear defenders. Your child is in distress anyway so no need for you to be too and for inner rage to build.
• equally, regardless of if you're holding your child or not, sometimes they can't or will not settle. If you need 3 minutes to yourself to breathe, take it. You aren't a bad parent for oxygenation. Air hostesses quite literally tell you to put your mask on before the ankle biters when on a lovely trip to Spain, so it applies to everyday life too. Its in the parenting rules book, I pinky promise!
• Don't do it alone. Ensure you seek support and share the load. If you don't have close friends or family, cry. Find gyms or Ikeas with free childcare to give yourself regular time to yourself. This is only a neurodivergent mum hack if you make sure you don't buy a bloody Billy Bookcase at every b** visit. You don't have to use the gym or pool but if it has a fancy spa facility, you could put the kids in childcare and take a 2 hour jacuzzi. Lovely. Or eat a plate of 12 meatballs in ikea whilst scrolling on your phone. Take the break. In all seriousness, it allows time away from a child being stuck to you and prevents touch overstimulation and sensory burnout.
• Remind yourself you aren't a bad parent if your child uses a tablet or gadget. Electronic devices aren't evil. You would only be evil of you tried to stuff your child into the microwave.

You're doing the best you can. Without making anyone spiral, if you yourself are neurodivergent and/or your partner, its likely your child will also inherit and display similar challenges and therefore the usual child "noise" is amplified. So not only does your own neurodiversity magnify the noise/pain of existing, the child itself probably produces more too for the same reason. Its good to keep this in mind when they're on the floor in sainsburys screaming like a banshee, causing Edna over in the bakery to keel over the sourdough cob. Its easy to get freaked out when everyone is staring. But try to challenge your own thoughts if you find they take over and make things worse. E.g. reframing "omg my child is having a tantrum and I'm losing control and everyone thinks im a bad mum" to "ah my poor child is probably experiencing some type of sensory challenge. They might be struggling with bright lights and lots of people. I will the best I can to help them through whilst not giving one toss about Edna and the bread"

X

This is alternative view is the best! They probably can’t cope with the supermarket either! X

I was diagnosed last year. I can remember feeling completely overwhelmed with my one DC (also autistic) and wondering why I couldn't cope when others had several children. I haven't read through the thread completely, but loops have helped enormously recently.