Imposter syndrome over diagnosis ADHD

[Wantawittyusername]

Recently diagnosed combined ADHD ( psychiatry uk ) age 50. Really struggling with thinking I don't really have it & maybe I made the psychiatrist think I did by exaggerating answers ( which I am pretty sure I didnt )

I know this is probably my anxiety & overthinking / questioning my own mind but it's making me feel like I am not totally owning my diagnosis.

This is a shame as I initially felt a lot of peace from thinking I wasn't just a fuck up at life & explained so much for me, allowed me to have self compassion for past me & how i behaved.
Behaviour wise now I am text book ADHD ...forgetful, inability focus, cant work in busy office, struggle relationships, losing things, forget appointments, doing lots things at once , struggle to stick one task, hyperfocus on something googgling for hours when need to be doing something else, need to feel pressure to get things done, interrupt others, constantly distracted, the list is endless.
Teenage years through to mid 40s - rubbish at relationships, risky sex, risky driving & car accidents, awful financial decisions, impulsive purchases, running up debts, tendency to gamble, drinking alcohol age 13 onwards problematic throughout life, drug taking from age 16 to mid 30s, constant dopamine chasing, anxiety & depression . Despite all this i have held down good jobs ( although i worked as cabin crew & found this suited me as always different ) & managed to study to post graduate degree level.
As a child I was naughty, daydreamed a lot, but bright. Didn't reach my potential was often on school reports.

Guess Im just looking for others experience of having this imposter syndrome over diagnosis.

@Wantawittyusername honestly I felt the same - I got diagnosed 4 years ago and it took a while for it to sink in.

I truly thought I’d just researched it too much and tricked them, but now I’m currently pregnant and was on medication for 3 years and I’m now off it and feel SO scattered and all over the place.

I would recommend going to therapy to process a diagnosis as that really helped me but make sure you get a therapist who understands adhd.

If I research it too much, or start to make progress and get on top of it, I convince myself I don't have it 🤣

Also ruminating is super common with adhd so it makes sense that you're looking back - it's part of the process. But no need to feel shame about your shame - defo unpacking the shame is a good start. We didn't know years ago about how ADHD affected women, there were only a handful of people on AdHD meds in the 90s.

There's lots of strategies. An EAP counsellor recommended a book Smart But Scattered Guide To Success For Adults, it has a quiz on exec function skills areas and looks at strategies.

It's fun coming up with bespoke things that help. Some of the things you might think are weaknesses need to be harnessed as strengths - I can hyper focus for a long time (but recognise that it's not good long term and short focused bursts are better.)

Lots of things can help here - active noise cancelling headphones and Loop Switches have been a game changer for me, body doubling websites like Focus Mate in 25/50/75 min sessions, having electronic tags on things I lose, using children's timers on Amazon and setting it for 5/10/25/50 mins etc. I have three Alexas one in each room at home etc.

Also found the free Rebel Finance school course helpful, you can binge watch it on fast on You Tube.

I think this is quite common for a lot of people with quite 'politicised' conditions, particuarly those who get a diagnosis in later/mid life.

I don't have ADHD/Autism diagnosis but did get an endometriosis diagnosis a couple of years ago in my late 30s. I think I have had symptoms since I was 10.

However, I have had to step away from a lot of the patient boards and support groups, as the way people self-define and talk about their experiences of these conditions, just does not align with my own experience of it. I have heard similar from other women with endometriosis diagnosed in mid-life.

I am lucky in that there was no way I could exaggerate the fact that my insides were riddled with endometriosis, and was not surprised at the diagnosis but was shocked at the extent of it.

I do think that having a highly politicised condition with some very strident views being publicly espoused on what the condition is and how it affects people, is its own struggle sometimes.