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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Burnout but no one to help with the necessary

6 replies

dottieautie · 16/12/2025 11:13

Just curious to know what others do when they’re approaching autistic burnout but there’s no one to take over while you do so?

the long version :
I’m at the end of my tether. I’ve been coping with so many bad bad things this year > partner leaving us, coming back, being off sick after his burnout/breakdown, him having a heart attack, his surprise £10k debt, him taken off hisadhd meds because of heart so essentially having to admin his life and be his brain for him. He uses all his focus for work so can’t focus at home.

then there’s me dealing with daily autoimmune pain and chronic fatigue, all the bloody admin of hospital appointments an average of twice a week, multiple cancer scares and relevant tests in later part of the year, my own heart issues and tests, my dog being put to sleep, my youngest struggling with school due to undiagnosed ND and my diagnosed eldest resting boundaries with mid teen life, my gran dying, partners step mum who I was close to dying, failing miserably in chosen career and unable to find a job, oh and perimenopausal hormones too and probably a load more things I’ve missed out . I’m at breaking point and I have literally nobody to turn to.

I don’t want antidepressants because they only numb me and I’d rather feel bad and real than nothing. They won’t change the horrific situations I’ve experienced this year. This is situational burnout.

i now have a simple thing I need to do that was unplanned, it’s at the same time as an appointment I’ve waited a while for but it’s an emergency so I can’t put it off and I can’t even move off my chair right now let alone contemplate what I have to go do re my own appointment and now this emergency. My partner is at work and says he’ll see what he can do about coming home but he’s angry that I can’t cope with this myself- he doesn’t see this isn’t just an isolated incident this is the straw that is breaking the camels back. I’ve tried to explain but he just doesn’t get it. I’m unable to mask anymore which makes
me look like I’m regressing into full on autism
mode and this just annoys everybody and they tell me how capable I am and to just be that person again. But today I’m not capable and today I need to be. How do I mask up when I’ve lost my mask?

OP posts:
dottieautie · 16/12/2025 16:09

At least getting it all out felt ok…

OP posts:
ladygindiva · 16/12/2025 20:49

I'm sorry you're going through all this. I've had a couple of hard years, not as bad maybe as yours, but similar: relationship ending, dad with accelerating dementia, school refusing autistic child, financial struggles etc and I know how it feels to be utterly weighed down by life. What helped me, and still helps me, is friends. Sounds twee, and doesn't really alleviate the difficulties but I now force myself to see a friend and socialise as often as I can ( realistically once or twice a month) whether that's an evening out, a coffee or lunch. Is this a possibility?

ladygindiva · 16/12/2025 20:52

Sorry to be clear, doesn't really help with the masking and the issues, but just makes me feel less suffocated by strife iyswim

dottieautie · 17/12/2025 20:22

Thank you @ladygindiva - I do find socialising with friends can help but I don’t have that many anymore and everyone is so busy with their own lives that it’s impossible to arrange to meet with people.

to be fair just writing it out helped offload a bit

OP posts:
ladygindiva · 17/12/2025 21:04

I'm glad it helped. It's hard when you lose touch with friends or are unable to meet up with them. Feel free to hop on this thread and vent, it can be very therapeutic in the absence of being able to meet up with people. I check in most days and promise to listen/ read

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 17/12/2025 22:17

partner leaving us, coming back, being off sick after his burnout/breakdown

He doesn't get to do that if you don't get to as well.

his surprise £10k debt, him taken off hisadhd meds because of heart so essentially having to admin his life and be his brain for him. He uses all his focus for work so can’t focus at home.

Oh look, he's still taking the piss.

Divorce him. Then you won't be trying to support him as well as yourself and the kids. He's not supporting you, is he?

Repost your OP in Relationships if you think I'm wrong.

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