Autism post-menopause. Would some kind person who is knowledgeable about autism, adhd, women and hormones…

[Sequinsontoast754]

I’m female and I was diagnosed last year with autism late in life after one of my young adult DDs received a diagnosis.

I suspect I have inattentive ADHD too.

Could someone who knows about neurodiverse women and hormones point me in the direction of any reliable information on this subject please?

My executive function has basically shattered post menopause. I can’t seem to organise myself, my work, home or family life. Up to this point I have been fairly high functioning although I need a lot of time alone to decompress after being around people.

But I could always make reasonably good use of that time if I had a schedule and now I can’t, In addition, my sensory discomfort has sky-rocketed. I can’t tolerate normal clothes like jeans or anything with collars. I feel “scattered”. I have put on a lot of weight.

Is this usual?

Wierdly at the same time I seem to have become better and more focused at my job which is creative. Everything else is falling apart though.

The only time in my life when I felt like I functioned like a “normal” person was during my two pregnancies when I felt calm, energetic and focused.

Is all of this hormone related or ND-related or both?

Thanks for any information. I’m getting a bit desperate to know what to do! Family coming at Christmas and my house is in a dreadful state. I can’t even organise myself to source the right clothes to wear to start cleaning it. Never mind doing the actual cleaning.

Can anyone help please?

Anyone?

You sound very much like me, although I am undiagnosed.
I am a textbook case of (primarily) inattentive ADHD and also have many autistic traits,

I'm now 59 and it was only three years ago that it finally dawned on me that I am neurodivergent. I came across an academic article titled "When my autism broke", which deals with the extra difficulties autistic women face when menopause hits. Effectively our ability to mask and manage our autism falls dramatically due to menopause, leaving us as you say "scattered" and unable to function as before.
Menopause for me coincided with a number of close family bereavements, which knocked me sideways and I stopped working around a decade ago. Neurodivergence as a contributory issue hadn't even occurred to me.

My life is a mess. I live alone so at least the shameful state of my home only affects me. Only a couple of people know how bad it is. As you mention, the ability to do anything about it has pretty much disappeared, with the simplest tasks feeling like a mountain climb.

I used to take pride in my appearance etc, which I still want to do, but my energy levels at rock bottom. Even picking up a nice jumper and wearing that instead of a horrible fleece seems beyond me.

One thing that has helped a little, is a book titled "The Mini ADHD Coach" by Alice Gendron. It's well laid out, full of useful tips such as habit-stacking and can be dipped in and out of easily. It's just putting it into practice that's difficult.

Sorry, I don't have much advice really, but wanted you to know you're not alone. By the way, this board is often very quiet so don't be disheartened if there aren't many replies.
Good luck to you!

I’m very grateful to you TreesAtSea
for sharing your experience and for the book recommendation. Thank you so much. I am sorry you are going through tough times too but I’m very relieved to hear from someone else experiencing the same thing. As you say, energy levels are a huge factor too. I feel so frustrated with myself as I want to do so much more. Just don’t have the bandwidth currently,

Btw TreesatSea I have found the article too. Thank you so much for the recommendation. Posting here for anyone else who is interested:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7376624/

Thank you.

I'm pleased you found the article. That little book is also really good. I've recommended it on a number of threads...I promise I'm not the author :-) She also has content online which may be useful.

I meant to add that you'll often find threads from MNers in the same boat either on the Menopause, Mental Health & Depression, or Chat boards. I think many ND MNers are unaware this board exists. There's one running now, for instance, titled "Anyone with a late age ADHD diagnosis?" (sorry, not sure how to link to it). It was on the Menopause board that I came across that article; it was like the proverbial penny-drop moment.

Yes, low energy combined with severely-depleted executive function really messes things up. I feel as if I'm stuck in treacle as well as viewing everything around me from behind an impenetrable glass wall.
Again, the very best of luck to you :-)

Thank you again Trees 🌷.

It’s very kind of you to go to the trouble of pointing me in the right direction. I will have a look at those boards.

Another factor is the shame and embarrassment involved, especially at my age. I think in the past that I masked a lot. But I can’t seem to hold that together any more. I think for the first time my friends are beginning to notice that something is off. Although people always notice more than you think they do anyway so maybe they have been thinking that I am strange for years 😆

I have always struggled with elements of executive function eg I have dyscalculia, and daily living, people at work would be surprised at how much help I need when travelling for example as I have no sense of direction, I mean zero… but this is exactly as you describe it … like wading through treacle. Like a heavy fog has descended on my shoulders and I can’t see through it clearly,

I’m not depressed either! I don’t feel unhappy. I obviously feel very very frustrated and sad that I can’t seem to start a task, focus on it, finish it, then move on to the next one. And repeat.

I don’t know what the solution is as the medical profession don’t seem very clued up on this.

One tip I have learnt off Instagram … so it must be true 😆😁… is to slow down and be very intentional. Don’t be too ambitious about what you do. But do something. Every day. Consistently. And that makes sense bc the pressure you feel to get everything done can become a barrier in itself. Consistency and routine always appeal to my ASD side but now I think (absence of) hormones or ADHD is messing this up! It’s like a battle going on in my head. Self-sabotage.

My sister came to stay recently and I noticed she just did stuff without huge amounts of thought or having to wear just the right consistency of 100% cotton t-shirt or lying on the sofa for 40 mins willing herself to do the thing! Oh what a relief it would be to be like her! At my age and time of life it’s so embarrassing not to have complete control over one’s own actions or at least I shouldn’t be experiencing this level of dysfunction.

Anyway, it helps to write it down. Thanks again.

You're spot on about not being too ambitious about what's achievable.

I remember reading decades ago about someone who'd been held hostage for four years. His reintroduction to normal life was very slow and difficult, but one thing in particular stood out. He found it astounding just how much activity people around him saw as normal...what he considered to be about a month's worth was what most people got through in a day.
That stemmed from having had so little to occupy himself with when captive that it had to be eked out for as long as possible, e.g. only one book to read for months on end.

Now of course I'm not suggesting being ND is on a par with such an ordeal, but that huge disparity relating to time and activity has always stuck with me, as it's just how I am. That said, I was good academically at school and used to be super-efficient at work. It was just life outside school/work that I've always found so difficult, and menopause certainly made the wheels come off big time.

I relate to all of this honestly! We sound so similar. I could have written your post actually! It’s like living your life with an arm tied behind your back.

I think a vast number of NT people use either caffeine, alcohol or HRT to cope.

I've found eating less sugar helps a lot with having a clearer head. I also find it helpful to use mealtimes as a structure, so after breakfast I know I've got maybe a 2 - 3 hour productive window.

Thanks so much for sharing the link to that article.

I had no idea I could be autistic until menopause. I have been wondering if there is a link.

Hello @InertBird @PinkSkies2026 @TreesAtSea so relieved to see this discussion. Could have written every word of what you say. The isolation of all this is the hardest. Everyone else is in snow globe with everything happening as it should and I'm outside looking in. Have any of you managed to find any support groups on line. Thanks

Hi @DaidiNaNollag1200 Glad you found this thread.

I haven't looked for other online support groups, though I'm sure there must be some out there. I've found so many MN threads incredibly helpful though.

Actually it was menopause difficulties that led me to MN in the first place. I knew of common symptoms such as hot flushes etc, but when googling whether there was a known link between menopause and another symptom I had, after the NHS menopause site the next result that came up was an MN thread. Within seconds I was reading posts from women with the exact same experiences I had, word for word. Just coming across that kind of thing meant so much and still does. Obviously I'd heard of MN before that but had never looked at any of the forums or threads.

Good luck in your search.

I am also very relieved to see this discussion. Thank you for starting it @Sequinsontoast754 for all the links everyone has shared.

Just wanted to offer you some support.
I went through very premature menopause (lucky me, NOT) at 34. One of the absolute worst parts of it, was that it kicked my ADHD up to full throttle.
Before the menopause, I kinda just muddled along.
Due to brain damage at birth, I was certain that I had undiagnosed ADHD. In the last decade, specifically I noted I fit all the the criteria. But due to going to school in the 80s, 90s and early 00s, I just did my best, and accepted this is the way things were. After all, some people do just muddle along with life (as opposed to all the normal, organised and rational folk - who it often felt like, received some type of How-To Life Manuel, that I never got!).
But, when Menopause hit, it was like every coping ability I previously had, vanished completely. My ADHD virtually crippled me, everything overwhelmed me, I felt a whole new type of vulnerability, I had never felt before. It was life altering.
I’m unfortunately, still not back on track with health stuff (I had PCOS, Adenomyosis, and Endo, before my Menopause, so I’ve always had gyne issues). However, a few years on, my ADHD is still bad, but I take medication for it.
I don’t know as much about Autism, but I know both ADHD, and bipolar are two issues that can be greatly disrupted by Menopause.

Just catching up with this thread. Glad posters are finding it helpful.

Thanks for all contributions. Will catch up
again after Christmas.

Hello glad to see discussion starting again. I didn't know it at the time but I went full peri 10 years ago after DD was born. I wish there were discussions like this at the time as had to work it out for myself as both I and kids are AuDHD. In some ways I yearn for pre 10 years ago when I was muddling thro with no clue of any of this as peri and neurodiversity is NOT a superpower.

Anyway. Happy Christmas to you.