Anxiety is getting the better of me ,what can I do 😞 can you recommend any coping strategies please

[Christmascats4]

I've got propropnal and that does help ..but it's everything..
For example dealing with emails from professionals
A dentist appointment in January will ruin Christmas
An email mail a phone call ..
Any sort of interaction,has me worried hours later .Im So tired of it all.
I don't understand how everyone else is getting on with their life ..mine is just grinding to a halt of anxiety and more anxiety
It's great I know it's autism,as I was diagnosed at 50 ...but I've spent my whole life being put on so many antidepressants that didn't work and being told I was depressed..,when I wasn't it was autism
So on the positive,I am happy I know what the issue is
But I've still no coping strategies for life ..I never developed any as I got older ,as I was to busy trying antidepressants ...where do I start ?

Can you describe the anxiety? Is it "what if" thoughts?

A bit
But also a feeling of dread that I can't work out why ,and it comes on randomly.
Or it's not random,but I've not worked out what's causing it .
Sometimes it's about control if someone else has changed any plans
Sometimes it's any appointments coming up
Sometimes it's about my teeth and I think my worrying actually brings on toothache
Sometimes it's Someone coming in the house
Or I can't sleep, worried,but I don't know what about
My doctor says this is normal for autism

It doesn't help that for a long time I mistook anxiety for hunger or stomach pain.
I'm more aware now after my diagnosis,so to work out if it's hunger I count back how many hours a go I last ate ..and then I'm left to figure out if it's stomach pain or anxiety.. usually it's anxiety,as it comes with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach

This may be of no use to you at all because I don’t have anxiety to the point of it being debilitating (I’m autistic, your doctor is wrong that it’s normal for autism). I do get more anxious than a neurotypical person would about every day events, such as making phone calls, appointments etc, but I’m still able to cope with them.

My coping strategies for when my body feels anxious but I don’t know why are mostly sensory. Rocking backwards and forwards helps me, humming/vocalising stims helps me. Listening to the bird song and water on my meditation app helps me even if I’m not meditating, I can try to imagine sitting in nature looking at the leaves flickering in the sunlight and smelling the air.

If you don’t know this already, it may help to figure out what your most pleasing sensory experiences are and try to feel more in the present moment by focusing on those calming sensory experiences.

I also read fiction every night until I fall asleep as it mostly keeps my brain quiet. If my mind is going over and over something I write it down and that seems to help, though it sounds like you’re talking more about your body feeling a certain way and you not knowing why.

I use (or try to use) strategies for autism PDA profile. A lot of information online is for children but I can change it to work for myself.
Also, searching up "autism specific anxiety" might give you further insight.

I like a swing very much ..I also like to rock myself to sleep..but I won't do that if my DH is in the bed ..I rub my feet together that helps
And I have a jelly cat that has a tail ,that's very nice to touch ..
But I can't take the jelly cat out of the house ,Id look stupid with it in my bag ..and I'd never rock in public and I'm to old for swings .
So I guess society expectations of normal stop me from using strategy that would help ..
I watch EastEnders to calm down and go on tick tock or play music at the same time ..I kind of need two things going on to get my brain to switch off

Thanks I will look that up xx

How do you cope with phone calls and appointments where it relies on lots of communication? I try to script what I can but if it doesn't go as I had planned in my head I get stuck, usually cry, and end the phone call or walk out of the appointment.

Can you give an example of the type of phone call or appointment you mean?

Nobody is too old for swings, I bet if you asked a bunch of adults they’d say they enjoy going on the swings. I would (and do!) go on the swings in the park when I’m there with my niece and nephew, though I can see it would be different if it were a lone adult. Do you have a garden so you could get yourself a swing?

Of course you can take your jelly cat in your bag, nobody will know why your hand is rooting around in there they’ll just assume you’re looking for your phone or something. Or if you find something smaller you can pop it in your pocket.

Do you not rock yourself to sleep because your DH calms you or because you’re worried about what he thinks?

I don’t know how to word this other than directly, but I mean it with kindness - you need to prioritise your autistic needs because they’re not going anywhere, and you won’t be mentally well if you ignore them. It sounds as though you’ve really internalised societal expectations which is completely normal when we’ve spent our lives trying to fit in when we know we don’t fit in, but don’t understand why. But now you know why, so you need to start doing things “the autistic way” because that’s the right way for YOU.

Who cares what a bunch of strangers think? The worst will be “oh that person has a jellycat in their bag”. If you think about it people will probably assume you’re taking it somewhere for a child and not even think about it - you see adults walking about with tiny scooters all the time because (we assume!) they’ve just dropped their kids off at school.

Next time you’re out and about try and take notice of the thoughts you have about other people. What’s the worst one? Do you think of other people at all or are you mostly concerned about yourself? Then try and remind yourself that actually most other people have the same going on inside their own heads. They don’t care if you have a jellycat. Take it with you and be happy!

Here’s a good website as well, again I think it was aimed at young people but I think the information on there is great for anyone -

autismunderstood.co.uk

Phoning the gp to sort out medication.
Being in a gp appointment face to face.

Haven't rtft so sorry if I repeat anything.

As a fellow anxiety sufferer I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I get it.

How is your sleep and diet? Alcohol intake? Exercise? I think addressing these basic things can help hugely.

Do you have sensory needs that aren't being met? Do you get enough downtime and rest?

Would you consider talking with a neuro-divergent affirming therapist?

I hear you
And while I don't mind admitting I've a diagnosis of autism..to some people..
I do everything possible to make sure it doesn't show .
I'm pretty sure it's why I go to bed so early each evening..not to sleep,but to hide in my bedroom and have no more demands and to play my music and watch my TV shows and basically be left alone.
A ,ot of my day is spent waiting till an appropriate time I can get back to bed and relax
I'm very aware of what is socially acceptable..and I wouldn't be able to show myself in public

Exercise every day ,too much sleep, no alcohol,.
Sensory needs ..I use headphones
I'm having counselling,and I've had a huge amount of CBT .
It's a stomach churning feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and most of the time I have no idea what I'm dreading

I've never had a loving family giving me support,..my parents were abusive ( so my counsellor says )and there was no help or anything from my parents growing up ..and nothing from them as adults..
So I've always had to find my own way .
Unfortunately my DH has his own issues so there is no support there ..I have children.but I'm very careful to not look to them for support
So I've always emotionally and mentally fended for myself..and I just seem to struggling now ,it feels like everything is unraveling..hence the counselling and CBT

Menopause is probably contributing