Can I still get an adhd diagnosis if my mum insists it was not present before age 12?

[tallerthannecesaary]

I have my appointment date and have spoken to my mum to see if she’ll be my informant but she says she doesn’t recognise any of it before secondary school which I know is due to masking until I couldn’t anymore but there’s no changing her mind.
Is this going to ruin it for me or should I not involve her and say I have no informant.
I’m in my 50s and she’s my only option as someone who knew me before age 12.

Technically, yes.

They will not just ask your mum outright questions like can you remember if he/she sustained attention etc. They will also ask questions about how you played, etc. They try and get the information they need in ways other than just asking leading questions, however the technicality part of it comes down to whether or not they can get that information, and it might be much easier for you to find somebody else who knew you from childhood to give this information, or dig out old school reports.

A lot of people go to assessments with non-cooperative parents or non-understanding parents, but still manage to walk away with an ADHD diagnosis.

I went to my assessment with a 5 page essay listing all the things I remember from early childhood, including in my reception class, where I would frequently be called upon to answer questions, and burst out crying because I realised I hadn't been paying attention again, and had been intentionally called upon to answer the question again because the teacher realised I was away with the fairies, as some sort of punitive measure, all the way up to high school where I would set off early for the bus (7am, when the bus came at 8am and I lived 2 minutes away from the bus stop), just so I wouldn't miss the bus, and somehow I would still not be paying attention, not be able to put my arm out for the bus, and would miss the bus anyway, to high school missing that I was unable to sustain attention with my assignments, because I would forget they exist and then at 2am, I'd be up writing 2000 word essays just to submit them on time.

When I was about 10, I remember going to my friends May Queen celebration at church and I had to sit next to her in this fancy gown, and everybody was told to get up while we sung a hymn, and I realised half way through the hymn that I was staring at the eaves, not singing and still sat down, and everybody was staring at me.

I wrote about how at bedtimes, I can never just get in bed and go to sleep, it's like I have a thousand ideas that I need to do right now, and how as a child my mum would have to come and tell me to get back in bed because I would get out of bed to play, or draw a picture, or write in my notepad, and it felt like I just couldn't rest until I'd done what I needed to do, and how once I'd started, I found it next to impossible to stop.

I wrote about how my room was always a mess, unless somebody was coming over and then I'd speed clean it, but otherwise I would have doom piles, where I knew where the things I needed were, but I just could not remain organised enough to put them away, and I'm still like this to this day. I attached photos of my current bedroom, and my mum confirmed that is exactly what my room was like as a child unless she cleaned my room for me, and how she used to get on at me for not being clean and tidy.

I think if they'd simply asked my mum outright for this information, she'd have said I was a normal child and she didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, because I don't think teachers really relayed this information to her, and she wasn't present for the missing of the school buses, and she wasn't present in church as we're not church goers, I was just there supporting my friend, but the OT doing my assessment along with the psychiatrist said that I had provided detailed accounts of my own personal history so they were able to get what else they needed from my mum by asking questions in a specific way to get the information they needed.

I had my diagnosis very recently and didn’t have an informant. I love my mum and she bent over backwards to support me through my struggles in school but she won’t entertain that it was due to ADHD. The psychiatrist understood and thankfully my very good long term memory (terrible short term) was able to provide the information needed about my childhood.
He said they do bear in mind that parent recollections might not support the patient as the parent is likely also ND and thinks this is how all brains function.

DD has recently had her assessment & I was the informant (mum). She asked me the questions and we discussed my answers - the main issue was that I'd never noticed anything amiss with her throughout all her life. She noticed things that felt off when she was in first year at Uni, she really struggled, although she had said a few times in 6th form that she thought she had adhd because she had meltdowns. I put it down to stress but she started researching and she's right. She's now waiting on the autism results.

She's been seeing a therapist privately and the therapist reckons I'm also ND and that's why I don't see it in her. I've had mental health problems on & off since I was 19, have experienced menopause which finished me off for 10 years but I'm gradually coming round. I don't want her to suffer like I have if I can help it.

I got my ADHD and ASD diagnosis without an informant that knew me as a child. My DH was my informant and he knew me from early 20s. I did the childhood assessment part myself. Do you have examples from under 12 which shows you had traits? If so then those during the assessment. It shouldn’t hinder you unless there’s no examples at all, and no traits as a child.

I have stories to tell but no school reports for evidence or anything.

I would make sure you write your examples down so you can make sure they have enough detail to explain how it disadvantaged you at the time and it can still be used as evidence.

It never hurts to have more than enough patient accounts of their medical history. They will br clever about how they ask your mum questions.

I didn’t have school reports either as my parents got rid of them years ago. As long as you can show enough traits in childhood to meet the criteria it won’t matter.

My mother is a compulsive liar so I ommited her totally and my father lives abroad so said I did not have anyone to ask and it was fine, they took my word as an adult in her 40's at the time of my diagnosis.