Child's school and AuADHD

[TheHappenings]

Do you feel your child's primary school handles ND appropriately? I'm wondering what reasonable accommodations are realistic? My dc is currently coming out most days upset, although is waiting for medication. School keep telling me things dc has been upset about, and it is typical AuADHD behaviour, and to be honest the triggers were sometimes things they caused; I'm not quite sure what I am supposed to do, or what they want me to do. At home time, it'll be. "DC has been upset about X, or was daydreaming and missed Y then became upset." They will say it at hometime in the yard; when I see a member of staff walking towards me with dc, my heart sinks.

There is also one TA who clearly does not believe in ND, and will ask dc why needs to change before leaving school, why cannot remember whether has read, asks whether certain rules apply at home that dc doesn't agree with at school. She is then shocked dc gets upset at things ND dcs do get upset about, and does not understand why dc laughed and cried at the same time.

The school are unbelievably busy, and I appreciate all of the help they are giving dc with limited resources, and they do have some very supportive amazing staff members, and techniques.

Anywy I'm not really sure what exactly I want from this thread, maybe a little guidance. I just feel a bit lost!

Bump

IME in mainstream, they just do not understand neurodivergence.

My sons school really tries, and I think in that aspect they've been fab, but they can't understand that sometimes they're punitive when the behaviour is a direct result of his brain, and isn't behavioural.

We have one TA who thought she was really helping me with toilet training DS by holding him on the toilet like she did with her 3 boys, but could not understand that toilets are a huge sensory environment and each toilet you visit is somewhat different, and the toilets in his classroom were those short toilets with the barn door style doors that teachers could see over and under and you could still hear what was going on from the main classroom, and for a child with sensory issues, communication deficits, and developmental delays that's a huge obstacle to overcome when you've still not cracked it at home. How I didn't explode when she told me that she'd held him to the toilet, I have no idea, but in my head it was "shut up or you're going to say something you'll regret" so I just smiled and sent a sternly worded email to the school afterwards.

We do have an EHCP and are awaiting a specialist to be named, so there's light at the end of the tunnel for us, but they just don't have the resources to train all staff and keep them all up to date with the best practice for neurodivergence. They have brought in external teams for advice, but the advice doesn't always work, and it's hard to get them back in, in a timely manner to make a difference.

If you felt up to it, you could send an email explaining the behaviours they've mentioned, and explain why these behaviours exist. Laughing and crying at the same time is a clear fawning response, it's a moment of vulnerability that the child does not feel comfortable showing, and so they laugh because a. they're overwhelmed and b. they don't want to be in trouble. It's a survival response, and they can contact X organisation if they'd like to request some SEN friendly training.

School might be busy, but either they need to crack on learning how to help SEN children, or they need to crack on explaining why they can't meet need so that you can find a placement for your child that can meet need.

There's a fab user on TikTok called neuroteachers and she does seminars and webinars for teachers as well as posts her short form content online for parents and teachers to view, and she words things wonderfully, and she's also terrifically responsive if you have any questions for her or want to share your experiences with her.