AuDHD - I feel sad

[Sortofmakessense]

hey everyone

hope it’s ok to post here. I feel like a need to word vomit and would love to speak to people in a similar situation

it’s come to light recently, for various reasons, that’s it’s highly likely I’m AuDHD (high masking / functioning)

I’m in my 30s for context, and only realised I was like ADHD around 3 years ago. More recently it’s become very apparent that actually I’m probably autistic too (after spending time being adamant I can’t be).

So much of it fits my life, even down to how I stand (T rex arms constantly, didn’t realise this was even a possible link). Because I’m high functioning / high masking I grew up thinking I was neurotypical , but now it’s obvious I’m not. It also seems to be a family link, which both makes sense but also makes me question everything again.

i read a lot of people saying that the realisation / diagnosis was liberating and made things make sense to them.

I feel the opposite. It makes a lot of things make sense absolutely, but also makes me more self conscious actually. Was it obvious to my peers the whole time? Do people look at me now and think I’m different?

im on the fence on an official diagnosis as I don’t think it would change much.

Don’t know what I’m trying to achieve here I guess just want to not feel worse for realising if that makes sense

thanks for reading

Hi, happy to talk - I have AuDHD and have been through the diagnosis process for ADHD and Autism in the last few years. I am in my 30s too.

I think it's really okay and understandable to feel that way. Once I had linked my behaviour with potential ADHD and Autism it took me a few years to process it all before I decided to have an assessments for both. You've got to do what's right for you. I decided for myself that a diagnosis would be helpful for my self esteem and also so that I would be able to try ADHD medication. I don't share the information with everyone, only people who I know will understand.

I totally understand the complicated feelings about realising you have ADHD and Autism. I don't feel like I am being much help, but just wanted to open up the conversation incase you wanted to chat.

Hi I'm the same OP.
I've had a history of MH struggles and social anxiety yet managed to work full time have 2 kids but a house .
I thought I was neurotypical until I was 58.
I'm glad I did as it didn't hold me back.Its a weird feeling and some colleagues have almost othered me so I won't be sharing my diagnosis freely anymore.

I wonder the same @whatisforteamum - if I had known when I was younger perhaps I wouldn't have achieved the same things because I would have been too aware of the difficulties. It is mad how you can absorb so much difficulty and discomfort without realising isn't it? I suppose I just thought everyone else felt the same inside!

The other part of me wonders if things would have been better if I had known. Perhaps I would have built a life around me that I could cope with and maybe I would have been kinder to myself along the way.

Not everyone gets it do they? I have definitely learnt to be selective about who I tell.