ADHD - when did you realise?

[Melontwisting]

What made you realise you might have ADHD, especially if you are high functioning?

Ummm, when I was 42 and a colleague suggested it. Just diagnosed end of August. Many things make much more sense with this ' filter'

Are you taking medication for it?

Not yet, on another waiting list....

A waiting list for meds?

Googling why can't I focus when I was 32.

I'd taken on stretch job but the commute was 1.5 hours each. So sat on a train for 3 hours a day and maybe 20 mins walking total. Never in my life had I been less physically active. But in typical ADHD fashion I thought the problem was me.

As soon as I read about ADHD, I was like OHHHH I see, yeah that's completely me, who I am. I've never related so instantly.

I then did nothing about it for 7 years 😂.

The 7 years comment made me laugh!

yup, up to 10 months to get to top of this one to start titration

Why can’t they just prescribe now? I don’t understand

Because they only have so many clinicians to prescribe and monitor titration so there is a waiting list. But time to get used to this as my identity is no bad thing

I was not really high functioning 😅 From about 2004-2013 (ages 16-25) I was utterly drowning and couldn't work out WTF was wrong with me and why I failed at EVERYTHING usually for really stupid minor reasons after having started out doing really well I had been a model student at school so this was also a mystery - everyone was convinced I was going to continue with the same success into adulthood and instead I just sort of fell into a ditch and stayed there not quite treading water.

I remember seeing a MN thread in probably 2014 about some issues similar to the "Why am I like this?" questions which went around and around in my head all the time. Someone linked to the wikipedia definition of ADHD-PI and I read the list of symptoms and had the shock of my life because it was literally a list of everything I struggled with - time management/being late, losing things, disorganisation, difficulty following through with plans, with self- motivation, etc, I can't remember what exactly was on the list, the article has changed now, but I had followed it out of idle curiosity. I NEVER would have thought ADHD because I'm not hyperactive.

I told DH about this astonishing discovery and he was like nah you're not.

I then did nothing about it for 2 years except read articles and MN threads obsessively. One night I had a meltdown about being totally useless at everything yet again and not being able to make myself stick to things and DH said look if you really feel like that maybe you should go to the doctor.

I don't know why I waited for his permission BTW. I think I feared people wouldn't take me seriously because I thought he didn't. But anyway I went to the GP who hilariously told me to try making a timetable and trying for 6 weeks to eat properly, exercise every day and get plenty of "Frische Luft" (I am in Germany ) and come back in 6 weeks if it didn't cure me and she would refer me.

Of course the timetable fell apart after 2 days. I did keep trying to go back to it but it didn't work so I went back. She referred me to some university institute in a city 2 hours away which was apparently the only place to get an adult diagnosis at the time.

The waiting list was THREE MONTHS! Which would be a dream today. But that was in 2016. I got diagnosed. The doctor recommended medication but then I had a miscarriage and disclosed that I was TTC so she said then don't - try it when you've had the baby. It took us 2.5 years to have a baby, and then there was some weirdness around finding a doctor and then I had another baby so in total, I only got properly medicated a couple of years ago.

Saw a thread on Mumsnet many years ago when I was a new mum about "high functioning high achieving" autistic women, and the traits resonated a lot with me.

Post-COVID, I started reading about how the TikTok algorithm was diagnosing people with ADHD. Read the signs and traits, and it was like a light bulb going on. Suddenly, everything made sense. Autism was still a maybe, but ADHD was a hell yes. Decided to get a diagnosis after hearing there was a short waiting list for Right to Choose providers.

Yes I'm not sure why - I suppose I forgot and I also think there was a shame - I had subconsciously taken on the stereotype of male presentation and that clearly wasn't me (I have inattentive ADHD). It was reading about it again on here that changed that. I'd essentially got my head down, focused hard, and ended up doing so well at work (at great cost to my personal life!) that I was offered a promotion. Took it and my life unravelled in weeks. Had total burnout and got signed off. I then bit the bullet and booked an assessment. This was 2019 and I saw someone privately within 3 weeks! After having asked my GP about shared care. There's not many things I got right in my life but this was one as I feel its helped perimenopause. And less feelings of shame.

I always knew I couldn't do what other people did, despite being extremely book smart. I couldn't drive, I couldn't make the bed, anything with multiple steps that could be done in 10 minutes would take me a month. I made constant 'silly' mistakes but there was no 'learning for next time' because it was ALL the time. I could never relax because I had a million things to do, but I couldn't actually do the things I needed to do - I didn't know where to start or I would forget what I was doing and I had no control over being able to concentrate or not - I would get up 10 times in a minute to walk around and fidget, and could not physically sit down and focus. I would get jobs and get sacked or leave within six months because of constant small mistakes, disorganisation, lack of focus. My house was a total nightmare - I would regularly have to do the same load of laundry 3 times because I would leave it too long in the machine. I was always either late or hours early, despite multiple timers and calendar alerts. I was always dropping things, spilling things, losing things, being tutted at, getting eye rolls. I felt awful about myself and really stupid and scatty and pathetic and thought I just needed to work harder, even though every day was completely exhausting, and could not understand why other people could live in the world when I couldn't.

I was Googling lifehacks and came across an ADHD women's forum and it was a total revelation. People were describing me. It took me three assessment appointments to get in all the forms, but treatment has allowed me to keep my head above water for the first time in my life.

When I had a cyst appear on my face and it took me 6 months to pick up the phone and make a GP appointment to check it out

Just this year really. I'm 33 with 2 kids, someone at work suggested it and I asked my husband if he thinks so. College menepause age, plus tell me I'll be ok until menopause then need help. Previously he said no, but works in a special needs school and said he's learnt more about how girls present and definitely yes, I am. I am high functioning, have heard how pregnancy changes your brain, less executive function, more emptthy, I am sure I have become more easily distracted as a mum.

And social media reels, I was hearing someone read out my internal monologue. I empathise with the silly mistakes at work. It's not all the time but I can't honestly say it won't happen again.

Interesting reading on this thread. I'm 44 and have recently seen my GP and requested a referral and assessment via Right to Choose. When I said I think I might be ADHD she replied "Right, so that's hyperactivity, do you think you're hyperactive?" 🙄 Which I thought was quite telling about her training, or lack thereof, about how women present.

I can't relate to some of you above who have really struggled with things like laundry, being late all the time, being messy and disorganised. But now I'm hitting perimenopause the internal hyperactivity is intensifying. The voices and music in my head are getting more intense and frequent, so that I have constant thoughts and ruminate. I've never really stuck with a job for more than a couple of years as I get bored. I've always struggled with fatigue and need frequent naps to help my energy levels, and now think that's due to my mind racing 24/7 and wearing me out. Friends and family agree I'd probably meet threshold for a diagnosis due to my talkativeness, interrupting people/finishing sentences, going off on wild tangents when telling a story, not finishing a story etc

And yes, I think about all the hundreds of things that need doing around the house/life admin, but struggle with task initiation paralysis so they seldom actually get done. I do lots of research on my phone and complete the task in my head. Then I feel bad/lazy, then tired and upset, and the cycle continues. Also struggle with concentration and perfectionism, so seldom finish things at work (particularly creative things like content creation). I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and it's affecting my mental health and family life now.

I've sent all the paperwork in as would like to try meds, but it's around 6-12 months wait here at the moment.