How do I get assessed for autism and/or AuDHD?

[eliphant]

I think I may have AuDHD but maybe it’s just autism. Not sure, and I would like to be assessed to see if I have one or both. I’m really unsure how to go about this. My husband used NHS RTC to get his ADHD assessment but it seems NHS RTC can only dx one condition at a time? Or maybe I’m mistaken. I paid for my son to be privately assessed and he got dx with ADHD. I don’t actually think I am very strong on the adhd side but definitely have some of the same traits like I can never focus in lessons or remember what people say and especially on the audio side I can never really focus very well on what people say, whether what they say is interesting to me or not. But more so if it is disinteresting to me. I could completely zone out. Whereas if it is interesting, I would be able to pick up bits here and there but not everything. Often need people to repeat what they say for me to get the whole thing. And listening to what people say in noisy places is very difficult. Although hearing tests have always had normal results. I did look into maybe I have an auditory sensory processing disorder. But wouldn’t this require seeing another health professional for assessment?

But also I have this impulsiveness where I blurt things out or do things before stopping to think/act. It has taken a lot of control and self discipline to try and contain it. The flip side though is I have developed lifelong anxiety around my performance and abilities. I have lifelong panic disorder and insomnia - which feed each other. I don’t always count on getting sleep at night which is a thing I’ve learnt to live with. Having to work, show up in my work, etc it is tough, even though I work with a bunch of lovely colleagues who are supportive even when I fail. I work in SEN as well in an educational setting and the nature of the work is not relaxed and can be challenging, but also I can be quite good with the SEN teens so it kind of suits me yet the stress of doing well at work or not make mistakes (or maybe I stress myself) is very real.

But I also know I and my parents and extended family have strong autistic traits. My parents had no friends and my dad had a collecting habit, which I thought was normal until I brought my friends round to my house and realised there was nothing normal about it. I hate small talk and no good at it. I could do it off a script but I’m not good when the script deviates due to how the other responds. Always struggled with making and keeping friendships. I am not great at keeping adequate contact with people and anyone who is still my friend to this day are some of the kindest people I’ve known- so I think that’s why they’re still there for me. I can’t fit in with any cliques etc Also hate changes to my routine or if I’m expecting something to happen, like an event, and then it got cancelled. Etc

anyway I am thinking now I am ready to go about getting assessed to see if I do have something that can explain why it is the way it is. Just don’t know who to see or what to do about it. Also I spent all my childhood growing up in another country and it would be challenging to get hold of any medical or school records from the 80s and 90s… also my dad is dead and my mum is very traditional like she would always say there is nothing wrong etc even though our family was quite dysfunctional…

Hi eliphant, your issues with noise and communication and not being able to deal with changes in routine sound very similar to mine. I am diagnosed with autism. My parents don't even know about my diagnosis. They would never understand. My daughter came with me to my assessment. She was 19 at the time and Trafford services were fine with that. You just need someone that knows you well and has known you for a long time.

Thanks for your response. I was hearing crickets in here 😅 On one of the RTC providers they said they ideally need someone who knew me up to the age of 11 or 12. So it’d be either my primary school friend or mum. The problem is my primary school friend only ever seen me outside the home when I mask a lot. I always put on a smiling face even if my life was so difficult. But my mum is not going to say anything useful either if I use her, plus I think she would be trying to discourage me from getting the assessment saying there’s nothing wrong with me.

One reason why I am seeking an assessment is because I’ve tried a lot of talking therapies, CBT, the “face your fears” approach and also drugs for the anxiety and insomnia I’ve had for decades, and nothing has worked. I know that having autism and/or adhd would require autism and/or adhd specific therapy to treat anxiety when it’s present. I don’t really know what’s the difference in approach between conventional and autism/adhd specific anxiety treatment methods. But it would be great if I could find one that actually works. I think I might also have a bit of OCD going on with intrusive thoughts and rumination over events and these thought processes are impossible to control and I’ve given up trying to do so.

oh and being perimenopausal, which already affects my sleep, the pre-existing insomnia and anxiety doesn’t help. Some days I go into work with no sleep or only a few hours sleep and it is exhausting. I just wish something worked or can get through to my anxiety. Even on my good days, I struggle to get enough sleep, which never used to be the case when I was younger. I’m now probably chronically sleep deprived and I’m getting headaches and colds more.

They might prefer someone that knew you before the age of 11 but I know from experience, where it isn't possible you can take someone else.
ve had therapy before and after my diagnosis. The difference for me was that I started to ask for a counsellor who understands autism. That did mean a longer waiting time but worth it because it made a massive difference. Not in the therapy itself but being understood for the first time. I would never do CBT again unless it has been adapted for someone with autism.

Yes I have never found a counsellor who was of help. I gave up on them. The OCD, autism and anxiety are all affecting my sleep causing the insomnia in the first place, and it’s been like this since I was a child. CBT and mindfulness makes it worse as I then end up trying to confront and combat those thoughts and feelings for the entire night, but doing that doesn’t keep them at bay, it just makes them stronger and more recurring, so kept awake all night. Trying to block them out to go to sleep also don’t work - the more I try to block them out, the stronger they are. Only thing that stops it is if I go to work in the morning, then focusing on work, my anxious and awful doom and gloom thoughts and disturbing feelings take a complete backseat, they are put out of my mind, then and only then I then feel fine (though tired because I didn’t sleep all night). It’s so weird. My mental health is better if I go to work yet my sleep suffers. So frustrating. The good nights are when I just go to bed not having had any of those awful thoughts and feelings come up, and I leave it that way - don’t engage and don’t respond to them. But the bad days are when doing that doesn’t stop them getting stronger in my brain.

When my intrusive thoughts keep me awake and they often do, I count backwards, visualising the numbers as I count. If thoughts pop in I just continue with the counting. When you put things to the back of your mind during the day, they just wait for you to go to bed and then keep you awake. Not sure if this helps, just wanted to share what works for me.

I’ve tried counting ever since I was a child and it never made any difference to my insomnia. I just could never focus on the counting enough for it to overcome the thoughts in my head, and then this suppression makes my thoughts get louder and louder. About 15 years ago I checked into A&E because this problem caused me to not be able to sleep for 2 weeks straight. Thankfully I wasn’t working at the time, I was still looking after my 1 year old son. I think I was just extremely stressed at the time because my son was very difficult and never slept much either (turned out he had ADHD which I didn’t know at the time) … but I managed to rid it by doing this workbook I bought from Amazon called the ACCEPTANCE COMMITMENT THERAPY workbook… but recently I reread it and it doesn’t seem to work anymore. So frustrating.

I went to get assessed through right to choose. I was seen by a mental health nurse, not a psych. We did the test and I couldn’t understand half the questions as I’m very literal (do you see the big picture is particularly stupid!). She said I wasn’t autistic. But I know that I have AuADHD. She said it was likely borderline personality disorder because I’d never had issues with non attendance at school!! I have spoken to a private consultant and they agree that I sound autistic but I can’t justify £1800 when I’m paying out for psychs for my child. The diagnostic pathways are broken. But I do need one to feel validated. For example, just today my DH told me off about the way I’d said something that had ‘offended’ him. I feel like if I had the diagnosis it would make my life so much easier.

My other issue is, my parents are dead and I don’t have anyone who knew me when I was 11 well enough.