Struggling to book and go to appointments

[Overthebow]

I’m diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I’m really struggling with booking appointments, I’ve always had this issue but not to this extent, but since I’ve had my DCs there’s so much to do for them that my own needs seem to be pushed out and it’s like I can’t handle anything more. Currently I’m overdue (by at least half a year) a dentist checkup, hygienist, eye test, blood test for long term condition, then little things like I haven’t had my hair cut in over a year. I know I need to get them booked in but I just can’t I’ve even written lists but I can’t make the calls. If I do book something in I often then can’t go and end up cancelling. Does anyone else have this issue and anything to help?

Yes. I have ADHD and am currently undergoing assessment for ASD. I hate speaking to people I don't know on the phone. It is overwhelming and paralysing at times. I also often fail to respond to texts from the GP because I can't always cope with a lot of comms. I have more than 8000 unopened emails (although most are spam).

My experiences with NHS recently have largely been awful and this has made me even more reluctant to engage with them.

I try to manage things like this by:
Making a list but not putting pressure on myself to do too much on it all at once.
Trying to do just one thing on the list per day.
Arrange appointment by email if possible.
Go in person to make an appointment if possible.
Get cast iron childcare/transport whatever you need for the appointment time so you don't have to cancel, or give yourself excuses to do so.
Definitely don't fix up multiple appointments on the same day, or maybe in the same week as that can get overwhelming.
Get your hair done first so you get something nice for yourself.
Maybe have a treat lined up for after each appointment, even if it's just a posh coffee or a fancy pizza for tea.
If you are on meds / in therapy for the ADHD/ASD or associated anxiety etc maybe mention you are feeling worse (yes another appointment I know).

I find the whole "adulting" thing is so much harder when I'm stressed. It sounds like life is full-on and you are sorting the children fine but have no mental space or actual time left for you at all. So baby steps is what I recommend. One thing at a time and gradually get your appointments arranged and actually go to them!

It’s horrendously hard isn’t it?

I have a typical week timetabled at the front of my diary/planner that I can refer to when I’m making appointments so that I don’t get flustered and pick a bad time. I never take appointments on a Monday if I can help it.

When I’m scheduling my week I add in extra time - commuting obviously, sometimes extra time to get ready if I need to dress or make up differently.

I add in a recovery time if I think I’m going to need it. This is one of my best tactics. If I don’t need it I’ll just crack on with my day obviously, but when I do, I don’t have the added pressure of things piling up.

Sometimes I’ll also mark out anticipation time if something is likely to stress me, so I know not to schedule tasks that require concentration, or are energy drains themselves.

Since I started paying attention to this I’ve become much more aware of myself. Now I know that a visit to the hairdresser wears me out, and isn’t particularly pleasant and it actually helps to free myself from any expectations that it’s going to be enjoyable.

If possible I’ll use providers where I can book and change an appointment online. But with the hairdresser and dentist I get the next appointment in the book before I leave because then it’s easier to go than ring up and reschedule.

Sometimes I’ll ask dh for help, to make calls, or for a little accountability to go.