Declined for assessment

[Daisypod]

Sorry I’m advance if this is long and rambling as I’m still trying to organise my thoughts about what’s happened.
After years of building up to it I went to my doctor to request right to choose for an autism assessment, I have three diagnosed children and during the assessment processes both me and dh saw that I have a lot of the same difficulties and ‘quirks’. Although I felt I could be autistic I was terrified that I would be told no I wasn’t and I was faking it. I filled in all the forms and told them which company I was requesting.
Anyway it seems the doctor didn’t do right to choose but sent my forms to our local nhs assessment unit. Yesterday I had an initial meeting with them online.
The assessor seemed much more interested in my anxiety (which I’ve never felt was too bad) about friends and planning and worrying about when things go wrong. We didn’t talk about any of my sensory issues. When I said that I didn’t really have any routines I stick to dh laughed and pointed out things I haven’t do in certain orders or times of day but he cut off dh.
He did ask about special interests but whenever I said what they were he would then talk for 10 minutes about what he knew about them and I couldn’t get a word in edgeways.
He suggested I might want to try antidepressants but I know I am not depressed (I have in the past so I feel I have a good understanding that I’m not now). He also said there was a big possibility of ADHD which I agree there could be. He also advised I got trauma counselling but I don’t think I have any trauma.
Basically at the end he said he was discharging me and wouldn’t put me forward for an assessment. I know I should be happy about him not finding enough evidence and therefore I’m not autistic but after years of researching it I really felt I was. I just feel completely blindsided.
I had my husband with me and he said he was probably talking a lot to gain a rapport but I feel like there was so much I didn’t get to say. In hindsight I should’ve had some notes but I didn’t think to. I had also been awake since 4am worrying about it so I wasn’t really thinking straight. I’m not good at advocating for myself at the best of times.
I just feel like I’ve struggled all my life and now I know there isn’t a reason for it and it’s just me being rubbish, which is what I’ve always been told.
Im just not really sure where to go from here, has anyone else experienced similar?

Anyone?
is the lack of response because this board is quite or because people think I am in the wrong to feel like this? If that’s the case I’d rather know. Not being snarky (I know written things can come across that way) just genuinely interested

Request to see someone else maybe? Say you felt he wasn’t listening to you. Right everything down and go and see someone else. I have AuDHD and cannot comment on anyone else situation as what you learn is that people do represent very differently. You may or may not have autism, but if you aren t happy then go back to your GP and say you want to do right to choose and seek a second opinion because your assessor didn’t listen to you and you aren’t happy with their care.

Did you do screening questionnaires or was it an initial chat in person to determine if you’d be put through for full assessment? Lots of people don’t get past the screening phase as they don’t score highly enough/aren't seen as likely to get a diagnosis if put through for full assessment. If you’re not happy though ask to have another screening.

I don't have any specific advice but, yes, this board is verrrry quiet, so please don't take a lack or shortage of responses as being in any way a criticism or dismissal of you and your situation. I'm pretty sure a lot of ND MNers are unaware this board even exists.

I feel for you. I am an autism and adhd assessor. But I specialise only for women and girls - and this is particularly because practitioners commonly do not recognise the differences in the female presentation. You could well be autistic/adhd, but it is extremely common for women to be misdiagnosed, or a missed diagnosis (which may be happening here). I can link to where I work (is that allowed??) or you can DM me if you like?
Don't give up though. Try to find an assessment provider that deals with women only.

spectrumsisters.com

Thank you all. I’ve been taking time to digest everything and I keep flipping from thinking while maybe he’s right and I was wrong all along to thinking of things else said which didn’t make sense. He said I was obviously sociable as I have friends but I know other people who are autistic who have friends as do my children! He suggested the trauma therapy but I hadnt mentioned any trauma and then I did mention my dad dying but I’d had these issues as long as I can remember. We didn’t discuss my childhood at all.
He said I was obviously very anxious as a person but I only get anxiety about certain things, like when plans change or times of change in my life.
Im so confused.
Thank you @didwejustbecomebestfriends I’ll check out your website.

@Overthebow I did some screening questionnaires and scored highly, my mum filled in some too but her memory isn’t great and didn’t remember lots of things or has blanked them out such as seeing a therapist from the age of 15 as I didnt fit in, having a tick at the age of 11 and seeing all sorts of professionals about that.
it was an initial interview to see if I should go for the full assessment which he said he didn’t see a need to so was discharging me.