Managing more than 1 event in a day - coping strategies

[Springersrock]

DD is 19. She’s autistic as well as some other ND and anxiety.

One thing I’ve found she’s always struggled with is dealing with more than 1 thing per day.

She’s off to uni in September and as a result, due to her disabilities we’ve had a few appointments with DSA, the uni OH team, etc, plus she’s also started a summer job in a local bar and she just can’t get her head around 2 things on the same day.

So, for example, she’s been invited to the beach with her friends today but she’s working from 6pm this evening and she just can’t entertain the idea of going to the beach and going to work. I finish work today at 4pm so offered to pick her up on my way home, plenty of time for a shower and get ready for work and then I’d give her a lift to work. She wouldn’t have it, so she’s currently sitting at home on her own while her friends are having fun at the beach. In fact, she’s probably already showered and in her work uniform sat on her bed

Tomorrow she has a Teams appointment at 10 and then she’s working from 3pm, on Saturday we have a hairdressers appointment at 10 and then she’s working from 2pm and then she’s been invited out after work for a drink with her new colleagues, but shes just struggling to get her head around it.

She wouldn’t normally schedule more than 1 thing a day, but she’s been waiting a while for these appointments, plus starting a new job and fitting that around her existing commitments - the hairdressers appointment was made 8 weeks ago.

She’s always struggled with this and I know it’s a fairly common trait and she has been pretty busy lately which is obviously contributing to her stress, but I hate the thought of her stuck at home alone while her friends are all having a great time at the beach today.

She struggles to make and keep friends, although she does have a small circle of close friends and 1 long term best friend, but she says she often feels lonely and isolated so it worries me when she goes off to uni.

Thanks!

Do you think it's a case of your DD going into "waiting mode" and if so, acknowledging that and using scheduling (you can do it visually on a white board or whatever if that would work) to block out chunks of time might work.
If the problem is maybe transitioning from one activity to the other, make sure she schedules in time between them where she can calm herself (if necessary), change her clothes, whatever else she needs to do.

My DD (18) even manages to go into waiting mode for tasks she has to do inside the home sometimes so we are really working on the "being able to do more than one thing in a day" ourselves.

https://neurolaunch.com/waiting-mode-autism/

Thank you!

Definitely recognise waiting mode in her.

Not only does she struggle with transitions and more than 1 activity per day, she will also hyper focus on a task or activity, to the point she’ll be awake all night thinking about it.

I used to think it was anxiety based as she’d be up all night worrying about exams, or a doctors appointment or something like that, but she does it with fairly simple stuff - so, for example, she qualified for DSA and has a new laptop plus a whole load of assistive software. Today’s Teams call was a short session with a trainer going over one of the programmes. She wasn’t worried about it or anything.

We used to use a white board as a visual timetable when she was at school so we’ll have to fish it out again and see if it helps.

She does struggle with time perception so I think she struggles to process that she can spend 5 hours at the beach and still have plenty of time to get to work at 6.

Will have a chat with her and see if she has some suggestions herself rather than imposing my ideas on her.

Thanks!

Re reducing stress of events - my weapon is Loop switch earplugs as can still hear but they greatly reduce stimulation from surrounding noise. Use of noise cancelling headphones in general.

There's also an option of 'going for a bit' - reduce the amount of time there so enough down time.

Getting a car was very helpful, as it gave me more freedom to arrive and leave. And the option of a busy day followed by a quiet day.

An EAP counsellor recommended the Smart But Scattered Guide To me (there is a teen and adult version) - found that really helpful.

Took me years to figure out but its lists for me, for everything, saved onto google drive. Every process gets a check list, it helps my memory overload.

It all sounds really relatable - it's hard when there is a lot of new stuff going on, learning takes up more mental energy.

Thank you!

I agree about Loops. They’ve been a lifesaver for her. I always recommend them.

Wile fished the whiteboard out of her room and set up a daily timetable. It’s definitely helped having a way to see visually what she’s got going on each day and that there’s plenty of time between each thing to have a shower/get changed/chill with a cup of tea

There’s just a lot going on and she’s busy at the moment which she never copes with well, plus a lot of anxiety around starting uni, lots of change coming up. she’s finished college now so her routine is out of whack, she’s anxious about her new job, she’s not sleeping well, doesn’t cope with hot weather very well and is generally a big ball of anxiety and dysregulation so it’s all fun and games.

Thanks!