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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Only just realising

3 replies

Dressinggownandtoast · 12/06/2025 09:57

I'd really appreciate anything, chat, experience etc. I could just waffle on and this post may not make much sense but this is the first time I'm going to try and get it all out.

So, I'm mid to late 30s, mum to 3dc.
I've been quite ignorant to knowing more about ND my whole life really and I'd never done any research.

However, my whole life I have struggled hugely and I always thought that if I try harder then things will be different.

I thought this was how all adults lived their lives and that I must be doing something wrong. Que the next few years trying to work our what I was doing wrong.

I always start off doing things how I think they should be. I start cleaning my house, decluttering. Does it ever get finished? No.
I start decorating and the same thing. In fact, to begin something I'm usually in the driving seat and then it all dwindles down. Once I've stopped I can't seem to get back into it.

I work. I'm on a minimum wage job as I don't have the confidence to put myself out there. I've been a manager of a good team previously. Some days I'm crying on my way to work because I can't handle the thought of being there. I hate my job. I'd love a different job but I know mine inside out and my boss knows me. I'm good at my job and I always have fantastic reviews. I might be good somewhere else but that's extremely stress inducing.

My finances are in dire straits and I genuinely don't know what to do. Honestly, I make it look like we're doing fine when in reality, it's shocking. I'm in so much debt. I know about it and want to change it. The weird thing is its like my brain forgets it, or chooses not to despite another side of my brain knowing that I need to sort it. The forgetting/ignoring side always wins. Until I get someone at my door due to lack of payment and then I desperately try to sort it out.

I don't open my door, I don't answer my phone and I don't open letters. Why you may ask? Genuinely I do not know. It's fear, I feel frozen. Is it because I don't want to admit I need help? I'm not sure.

This is just a bit and I've forgotten half of the stuff I wanted to write. Story of my life.

A couple of people had mentioned throughout my life that I may be ND. As I said, I didn't even look into it. I'm certainly not hyperactive or loud and ignorantly I thought that this was so far from me, take the advice with a pinch of salt.
I have therapy due to being diagnosed with cptsd and other linked things and my therapist mentioned it. So I went to the doctor. Immediately agreed with what I'd told him, said I presented some things to him. Namely interrupting and switching backwards and forwards between conversations. I didnt realise I did this.

So I'm going to be assessed. Over these past few months, it's got me down. Stresses involving my children and all the other stresses that come with being an adult are bringing me to tears daily. I cry at work (I'm alone and out on the road for my job), even doing a food shop is impossible. I go to the expensive local shop for food every day. I've tried doing a big shop and either go all out so that I've spent far too much and then all the food gets wasted because we physically can't get through it all, or I make a meal plan and change days for whatever reason and the plans out of the window.

Just basically, I feel everything in life is so so hard to navigate and difficult and stressful.

I don't know what I want from this. Maybe just to spit it out in writing in a huge garbled chunk or just get it out full stop, or if I could do with speaking to someone else who understands what I'm trying to explain.

Well done if you've managed to get to here. Thank you x

OP posts:
Sosostressedandanxious · 12/06/2025 15:20

I can identify so much with a lot of what you say OP.

I've struggled all my life with interacting with people - when you say you can't answer the door, open letters, or answer the phone that struck such a chord with me because ive been like that all my life . I can't answer emails either.

When I heard about Aspergers years ago when there was discussion about it on the radio I immediately knew that was an explanation of me. But it wasn't until this past year when I was seeing a Clinical Psychologist in a last ditch attempt to change myself did I get an unofficial diagnosis that I'm Autistic. And this is me in my early 70s.

I've done an online course on Autism, arranged by the Psychologist and she has given me links to online resources for support for Autistic people but I haven't accessed them. The online course was really helpful because it gave me the knowledge other people have the same struggles as me. I' m not the freak of nature I thought I was.

I'v found the diagnosis a bit of a 2 edged sword. On the one hand it's taken away some of my guilt for the disaster I've made of my life. But on the other hand it's taken away my hope of ever changing myself.

I think its good you are getting an assessment OP. Hopefully you will get a better understanding of yourself and hopefully support going forward.

Dressinggownandtoast · 12/06/2025 16:41

Thank you so much for replying.

I too feel as though my life has been so far, an absolute mess. Weirdly, despite me trying my hardest not to make it a mess. My brain feels like a multi car pile up with a couple of trains/planes added in for good measure, on a daily basis.

I feel bad for my children because I'm not sure now what I'm teaching my children and if it's right. Have I been teaching them my way or the right way? If you get me.

I don't know what I'm looking to achieve here either! Yet again I have another lovely red letter that has burst my brain all over again. It's so hard and I feel I can't cope many times over the day.

OP posts:
Sosostressedandanxious · 12/06/2025 16:50

You are doing the best you can with your children OP. That's all anyone can do.

And I do think that the overwhelming number of parents feel exactly the same: worried that they aren't doing the right thing for their children.

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