I separated from my exDH just over a year ago. We were together for around 20 years. We have 3 dc (all teenagers) and share custody.
I have ADHD (diagnosed) and pretty sure I am also on the Autistic spectrum.
The past year has been pretty difficult but I've done a lot of grieving and healing. I now feel like I'd love to meet someone or start a new relationship, but I honestly feel so daunted. It's like I don't feel I have the headspace. The dc are at my ex's one night at the weekend, and then we share the school holidays, so I do have time to myself. It's just that I seem to need that time as my "alone" time that I use to recharge.
At the same time I feel lonely and really miss emotional connection. I do have friends but it's not the same as having a partner.
The problem is, I just don't know how anyone could fit into my life. I have no idea how people meet someone and then the partner moves in with them and their children. There's just no way I could do that, I'd find it too overwhelming. My ideal relationship would be we'd only see each other once a week or so, and definitely would not live together.
I can't bear the thought of going on dating apps or even going on dates, I'd find the whole process so awkward and exhausting.
The other things is that I can't imagine mixing the different areas of my life - a new relationship, my children, family, friends. To be honest, I've always been like this. I feel I'd have to keep a relationship separate from everything else. I don't like it if there's a gathering bringing people together from different areas of my life - it's almost like I am a slightly different person with each of them, so if they are all there together, I'm not sure which version of myself I should be.
I feel so sad as I don't know how I could ever have a relationship as I am like this, but equally don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.