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Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

ADHD and sleep

9 replies

tobee · 27/03/2025 22:11

My ds (mid 20s) lives with us and is in the process of adhd diagnosis. He has been told likely he is adhd and possibility of meds.

His sleep pattern is atrocious. Whenever he gets into a normal routine he messes it up again.

Has anyone experience of this? Do meds help regulate sleep?

I'm frustrated tonight because I haven't seen him today because I've been out and then he has been asleep and I'm trying to arrange him to go and see his grandparents tomorrow as he promised he would but can't liaise with him to sort it. It's difficult because if you try to explain to elderly grandparents about his sleep issues they don't really understand. Plus I feel like I should keep it private for him.

Anyway, with had years of this and no matter how we (ds & I) talk it through or, conversely, I leave him to it, nothing changes.

OP posts:
tobee · 27/03/2025 22:14

He'll probably wake up sometime after midnight and then be fucked for the day tomorrow when he's promised to help out his grandparents with a few things. It's one thing his not doing it. It's another him suggesting tomorrow and then letting people down.

OP posts:
tobee · 27/03/2025 22:16

He does work btw

OP posts:
Overthebow · 28/03/2025 05:33

I’ve got ADHD and ASD and always been a terrible sleeper. I’ll take a long time to get myself to bed, long time to get to sleep, and then wake up loads and have trouble getting back to sleep. I’ve spent many days getting through on not much sleep (especially now I have DCs) and to be honest just get on with it most days as no opportunity to sleep in with DCs and work.

BertieBotts · 28/03/2025 08:49

ADHD can be co-occurring with a condition called Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder which is horrendous as you constantly feel jetlagged. It can be diagnosed with a sleep study but I don't think there's any treatment for it apart from melatonin and stimulant medication, so the NHS might not be keen to investigate this.

But also, ADHD can make it hard to stick to routines and be aware of your own body signals. The transition into and out of bed are both really hard, and if you add that to ordinary life stuff which makes it hard to stick to a routine like - adolescence (no idea how long the nocturnal sleep rhythm thing lasts for), internet scrolling/gaming, streaming TV, having no regular routine - this just all makes it really tricky and there can also be things which don't work easily like trying to mesh his routine with other people's if you need to time things like showers and using the bathroom not to use up all the hot water or disturb people's sleep etc. And then poor sleep hygiene in general can feed worse sleep because if he's sleeping more than 8/9 hours in order to "catch up" that can make you groggy etc and if he's missing a lot of "typical" daytime awake hours then he might struggle to socialise in real life or see much daylight.

The right medication can help but it can take time to get the right medication. Until a couple of weeks ago, I would have said I was on the right medication, but I still struggled to wake up in the mornings because I just felt like a total zombie like I wasn't conscious yet for ages. I changed doctor and she suggested trying one dose higher and it's really helped - I now feel alert within a few minutes of waking up as long as it's a normal time, and I don't need to take the medication before I get out of bed and then set an alarm for 30 minutes later to actually wake up. I can't explain it because I would have assumed that the medication would need to be IN my system in order for me to feel alert in the mornings, but it seems maybe it's just helping me feel less tired in general and that is having a knock on effect making mornings easier.

If I can give you some advice, I'd try to separate out any "moral" ideas you have about sleep e.g. it's lazy to sleep past 9am, it's unhealthy to have an unusual sleeping pattern (or whatever) and let him try to figure out what sleep pattern works for him without giving him guilt about it. If I could follow my body clock perfectly, I'd sleep roughly 2am-10am - which is not that weird - it's still 8 hours of sleep, yes I'd miss the early morning bit but not every job has to start at 8 or 9am. Some people are shift workers and sleep during the day, working at night or shift their sleeping pattern based on whether they are working nights or days. If he is naturally leaning towards an unusual sleep pattern, but he feels pressure to try to stick to a "normal" one then he might be shooting himself in the foot and not getting the best of either approach.

You say he has a job but is this a 9-5 type job at a location he has to get to, or is it flexible WFH, different times on different days or not every day?

In order to make plans it might help to text him, then you don't need to be in the same place at the same time. If he knows that he has agreed to help his grandparents, he might have already arranged a time? If not I would try to wake him up around 10/midday and remind him that he promised to help them. What's happened before when he's done things like this?

How do you approach mealtimes - do you tend to eat together or does he do his own thing?

I find this author quite good, the book cover looks a bit naff but her advice is pretty solid. www.amazon.co.uk/HOW-DAMAGE-YOUR-ADHD-ADOLESCENT/dp/1739958837/

tobee · 28/03/2025 20:31

Thanks for your replies.

I think I was mostly just stressed out about my parents because they are elderly and frail. In the end we're going to probably go on Sunday; especially as it's Mother's Day.

To answer some questions we're all 4 of us likely or diagnosed adhd here and all have a tendency to poor sleeping patterns. I try not to make it a moral issue at all. I'm just as likely to be staying up at stupid o clock chatting to ds or whatever. It's frustrating because it's so easy to get out of a good sleep habit and so easy to get into a bad one.

It's obviously not really my business what adult ds gets up to most of the time; when it's not impacting the rest of us. But I worry that it's affecting his mental and physical health. If he's indicated he doesn't want to eat a meal with us (I'd say we eat together 3 - 4 times a week in the evening) sometimes he eats in the middle of the night. Like cooking himself a proper meal; occasionally at 3 am. It's not good for his physical health for a start. He's missing out on his social life; sleeping from 2.30 pm to 11.30pm or whatever kind of puts a kibosh on lots of things. It isn't my business (99 % of the time)!except when we talk about it and his general well being and I'm trying to help him see the knock on effect.

He works mostly from home and is freelance so sets his own hours mostly. Personally I think it would help him if he worked away from home a bit more to meet up with other people in the natural course of the day.

His dad (my Dh who lives with us) also works very erratic days and hours and has done way before Ds was born. Since I had kids I work for myself also freelance. Adult dd also lives at home but would love to work in an office full time ironically but has chronic anxiety and is out of the house for work sporadically.

We all get on pretty well but we all see each other too much. We all get on better if we do more out and about with other people etc. I feel like Covid set in an inertia for all of us that's hard to shake off.

OP posts:
tobee · 28/03/2025 20:32

Thanks for your detailed recommendations @BertieBotts

OP posts:
Blinkyy · 12/04/2025 09:07

Something like going to the gym at a regular time each day might help.Also might meet people.

Blinkyy · 12/04/2025 09:08

Maybe you could all join the gym and go at different times😂

Khaleesi90s · 12/04/2025 10:48

I have ADHD and have started taking melatonin at night (you do not need a prescription) and it helps a lot. Maybe something he could try. My brain struggles to switch off which can keep me awake for hours.

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