Feeling like i'll never be able to make any friends

[Catsarelovely]

Basically the title sums up how I feel. I'm in my early 40's, really struggle with anxiety and was diagnosed with asd around 2 years ago. I seem to give off a very desperate vibe when trying to make friends and have reached the point where I just don't see it happening now. I'm just so awkward and feel a bit hopeless about it all. When I was younger it was easier as mostly I made friends with my flatmates. Is anyone else in a similar position or has made friends despite neurodiversity and would like to share some tips? 🙏

Hi @Catsarelovely, I'm sorry for all that you are finding difficult. I can really relate to this and the friendship troubles. I have managed to make (and keep!) some friends as I have got older. I think the key for me has been leaning into my neurodivergent traits. I was looking at myself through such a negative lens, but with research and ND coaching I began to appreciate who I am. Before I used to just try and bend to fit everyone else, whereas now I gravitate towards people who are similar to me or ND themselves. Is there anything you love doing or a special interest you could explore that might allow you to meet like-minded people? Or even some sort of local ND support group? When you hang out with other people who can relate it makes such a big difference. It feels so good to unmask a bit too.

Sorry, I know this isn't easy. It's so hard to find like-minded people, but do you think you could start by being kinder to yourself? Could you think about all the things that make you an amazing person to be friends with? If you go out into the world thinking you have something to offer, which I know you absolutely will have, then it becomes a bit easier to find your people. I personally love being friends with people who are awkward because I am too - so there is one thing you can see as an asset to the right person, rather than a negative.

I try to be who I am and not look for friends by being ‘nice’.
I think being fun and accepting you don’t have close friends - fortunately I have family and a few ladies I walk with and that is enough.
I have noticed that probably the majority of people don’t have best friends - they’re are many who just get on with life on their own or just with their partner as their companion/friend.
edit - I am old and quite recently found out I was adhd -I wasted 60+ years complaining about people being unfriendly 😂 but it was me - but I quite like me and get on ok without a close friend.

Thanks to both of you for taking the time to post such lovely messages. I really appreciate it and will take suggestions on board. I'm definitely trying to be more positive and hopefully that will help. I'm quite keen on drawing so might look into local evening art classes. 🎨

Art classes sound like a great idea @Catsarelovely - I am rooting for you!

I’ve never had a friend (I am very late 20s), I had school acquaintances but no actual vaguely friend type relationships.

Weirdly I made a friend finally and a really good friend. I have absolutely no idea how I managed it, if I’m honest. Analysing the evolution of the friendship I’ve no i fucking dea. Truly baffled I am.

theres hope. I met my friend at a volunteer job.

That's brilliant Diggles, i'd be really happy to have one good friend. Quality always wins over quantity in my view🙂

Thanks 😊

I don’t even know what it’s like to have a friend

I limit my friends to just a few as that works for me. It always has been my preference. Very few people will understand where I am coming from. Less is more and all that. Groups I find a strain though. Not my cup of tea since many years at the SGI Buddhist group I used to attend. Pack mentality invalidates my own personal needs for space and understanding.

I always wonder why we are not as popular as neuro typical people.
I had friends until my mid 20s then a family now no one except my distant DH.