Autism diagnosis received today, somewhat expected. I mostly feel…stunned I guess.

[Skyrmion]

Hi,

I posted on a thread by @AuADHD before, but don’t want to distract from her experience.

I’m a woman in my early 50s. I went through a very demanding and thorough assessment process, going on in three instalments since early December, and today I had my final session, where I was basically told that I 100% meet the criteria for autism.

I got so worked up about this last week, and the “what if” and “if not, what is it then!” was really getting me down.

Here I am now, and after an initial sensation of relief I’m feeling bit numb. My assessor, who’s a clinical psychologist, was very supportive, talked me through options, alerted me to what emotions could come up in the process of, well, processing,

Any of you care to share your experience how you felt on the day when you were told you actually are autistic? And how long it took this new information to be the “new normal”?

Thank you.

First of all, congratulations.

A while... it's been a few months and I'm still working through it. It wasn't a surprise for me (though I still had all the last minute what if they say I'm not worries) but it's had more impact than I expected. It's also weird doing things I've done a hundred times before, but feeling like I have a whole new insight.

Thank you, Starbells! 😊

Can I ask, when you say:more impact than expected, how did that manifest?

I feel (naturally, I guess) that so, so, so much makes sense now, I was too scared to properly research before diagnosis in case I wasn’t, but something else was “wrong with me”. And I would have felt like a fraud, like.

New insight, indeed, that’s what it is…

Just that because I was fairly certain of the outcome, I didn't expect to have to synthesise it in the way I have. It's made me do more thinking and reappraising than I expected.

I have several ND family members, so I'd already done the research and have lots of autism knowledge.

Thanks again, Starbells! I see, you already had a vast knowledge before your own diagnosis, which I didn’t. I was one of the people who would never have thought in a million years that neurodivergence could apply to me, I was so dismissive. And yet here I am.
Feeling a bit better about everything this evening, and even managed to say it out loud to my Partner: I am autistic.
Fair enough I guess.
Now I‘m just waiting for my report, I’ve seen it at my last appointment, pages and pages of it, she said she’s just going over it again and finalising a few bits and pieces, and then she’ll send it to me. I wonder what’s that’s going to be like.

Thought my report was a bit of a let down, just very generic. I found the session with the assessor really helpful, as did DH, it’s helped us both understand me (we have been together over 20 years).

I found out in January - 1 full day and then an online appointment the next day - then received the diagnosis an hour later.

I felt relieved and like a weight had been taken off.

However I have recently been sent the full document and that has been hard - seeing in black and white how i match the criteria including things i didnt realise or notice i do.

@0psiedasiy @BallerinaFall
I found mine not all that bad after all. My assessor used “neurodivergent affirmative” language, and the report was quite long and detailed, and it didn’t make me feel like a “failure”, thankfully. There were recommendations about support sources in it too.
It’s still sinking in, but I’m so very glad to be able to understand myself better, and the diagnosis explains SO much, looking back at my life so far.
I consider getting in touch with one of the charities who offer Adult Autism support, they have online support groups and such.
like.
Are any of you planning to try and “find their tribe”?

@Skyrmion i haven’t looked at any support groups. I don’t feel like I need it, I largely work in a really supportive environment (in a learning disability and autism care home). Our organisation outside of my setting tries to support although I’m not sure it gets its right. Recently told by my line manager (he’s not in our setting) I appear normal and manage well, I was very shocked given their role etc. I felt like screaming it’s called masking.