Newly diagnosed Autistic in my 50s

[Thankyouitwasdelicious]

I've had many diagnoses over my lifetime: BPD, CPTSD, depression, anxiety. All feel correct to me.

I had an ADHD assessment (concentration issues led to me wonder if this was a factor) and she said no ADHD but significant autism and CPTSD. I'm in shock, I don't really understand what it means.

The borderline personality disorder I am certain is the result of childhood abuse and I've got to grips with my emotional triggers and manage them much better after lots of therapy. But...autism? I'm menopausal ffs. How could this be missed?

I don't know who I am any more. But then that's a central feature of BPD....

Autism is commonly misdiagnosed as BPD in women because of a) behavioural expectations and norms imposed upon women meaning that, for example, social withdrawal isn't seen as a symptom because women are meant to be quiet and stay at home, and b) female socialisation causing us to present differently from men, particularly through masking.

Autism makes women and girls very vulnerable to abuse. 90% of us will face sexual abuse during our lives, compared to one in three women overall.

I'm in my forties and it was missed too.

Advice:

1. Give yourself time to read and re-read your diagnostic report.
2. Use resources created by autistic women to help you understand yourself better.
3. Give yourself time to process this new diagnosis.

From memory, presentation overlap between autistic women and BPD women:

• Emotional dysregulation, where reactions are deemed by observers to be "over the top" ie too much for a given trigger. The BPD explanation is "drama queen", the autism explanation is "overload leading to meltdown".
• "Wrong" emotional responses to situations.
• A rapid reset after a deregulated episode.
• Inability to name and describe own feelings.
• Apparent inability to empathise with others.
• Disagreements with others that seem unjustified to observers. The BPD explanation is that the woman at some level likes the drama from picking fights. The autistic explanation is that the woman misunderstands the other person (for example, fails to recognise a joke as a joke) and disagrees based on that misunderstanding.

I wonder if they meant you are level 1 or 2 mild or moderate in regards to autism. You do not appear to be level 3 which is significant and if so many are non verbal which you are not and you are being diagnosed now doesn't suggest Level 3 presentation. Perhaps they meant it has been significant to have a noteable impact on your life.