I've realised that I find things threatening. If a new person at my level is added to a project , I think it's because I'm doing badly or that they will end up preferred. Someone was expected at a meeting for one of my projects today and I don't know why because they would just be doing what I do. So now my day is ruined until either I find out and it's ok or I get confirmation I'm being replaced. I find it all really hard and I'm sure some of it is learned - never fitting in, always being wrong, it's so hard. I feel like work is massively stressful and I almost need a debrief some days.
I've never achieved a rung on the ladder, always been junior and received lots of thanks for being so helpful but I either don't apply or don't know how to. I see people walk past me to senior roles I didn't know existed.
Does anyone else just find work so hard emotionally?