Dread everything - seeing people, work, hobbies. But like it when I do this. Why am I like this? An ADHD thing?

[Whyamilikethisbb]

I was diagnosed with ADHD 15 years ago in my early 30s but have never sought any specific treatment or medication for it.

I have started to wonder about small things I do - like dread EVERYTHING. Hobbies, plans, meet ups, work.

I don’t like having any responsibilities except I’d obviously be terribly unhappy without them and I know this. I work, I have friends, I have hobbies I force myself to commit to. I love all those things when I’m DOING them.

Bur before doing anything, every single time, i dread it. If I have plans in two weeks’ time, i’ll dread it for two weeks and then go and have a great time.

Why am I like this?!? It’s like I want zero expectations / responsibilities! (But I don’t!)

How can I stop being such a chronic over-thinker / over-analyser / hyper-dreading things person???

I'm the same. I like my days to be stretched out nothing happening days. Plans give me stress but as you say are good for you, to get out and communicate.

Ps. Sorry no advice how to stop feeling that way.Just go with the flow?

The dreaded dread. I think it can be quite common

I’m like this too!

But if I have zero plans then I feel lost/ lonely.

Oh my goodness same!!

I am curious at ti whether it’s adhd. I strongly suspect I am and score highly. I’m on a long waiting list.

I'm the same. Currently absolutely DREADING choir practice in an hour, but I know fine well I will enjoy it and would regret missing it. It's so annoying. Stop it, brain! (Don't know if I'm ND, but probably, given ND DD who is very like me...)

I'm exactly the same
I have ADHD , autism and PDA
I dread everything to ,but that's the demand of it ,that's the PDA

This is me too.

I have propranolol,I can take 3 times a day ,it helps

I'm exactly the same OP. I don't know what to do or suggest, but send solidarity

Interesting as this is something I looked into after a friend suggested it.
I don’t even like alarms telling me what to do when I’ve set them as reminders.

That's anticipation anxiety.

My eldest DD has it (ASD). I'm not sure I can offer any advice to an adult.

I'm very similar.
It's like a paralysis.
I'm diagnosed ADHD but I suspect there's Autism & possibly PDA too hard to say.
My GP thinks I'm depressed (I'm really not) but I am exhausted by the constant thinking!

GP suggested CBT but haven't tried it yet, but I think there is evidence it helps challenge one of our learnt beliefs/behaviours so might help mitigate the emotional effect of ND?

I also came to suggest a degree of demand avoidance, which can become pathological in nature, characterised by acute anxiety in relation to perceived expectation or 'demand', even if it concerns things you actually enjoy. DC1's life is marred by PDA as part of her autistic profile and it would be accurate to say it impacts every area of our lives.

It's because everything feels like a task.

PDA?

I am the opposite.. don't know what to do with unplanned days and start to contemplate the meaning of life 😂😂

Then I wonder why I'm so burnt out as I hardly ever 'allow' myself any downtime. Nightmare!

I am like this but I am autistic.

I can easily get into a very bad cycle of barely leaving the house, doing nothing, doom scrolling, doing the bare minimum at work because I just dread everything.

If I force myself to do stuff like message friends, see people, go out and do things I like then I am fine and happy.

I have a dd and very recently got a dog so that forces me to get out every day and do things, but it's hard. I don't really have any advice but I understand!

I relate to this, currently awaiting my official ADHD assessment.

The way I manage it is by making a small amount of plans and scheduling them in. I know I will enjoy them when I'm there. Preferably these plans are with close friends who know me well and understand if I'm overstimulated. I'm selective in what I say yes to or arrange. I also factor in plenty of 'downtime' nights where I socially switch off from the world, I don't even respond to texts. I find it easier to socialise when my alone time battery is full. I am extremely strict with factoring in down time, life is very overwhelming for me without it and I have a very peopley job so it's important that I take the time I need.

I'm the same. Covid was a complete leveller for me and it lead to me seeking a diagnosis, I was just so relieved to not have to see anyone or do anything. Dreaded meet ups, stressed through them all and wanted to be home, got home and told myself what a good time I'd had - go figure!

any advice for children though for anticipation anxiety please ? thank you

I get this dread. What helps me is to look at my mother, who has allowed this dread to completely dominate her life, and is extremely hard to be around and totally understimulated and anxious as a result.

So when I feel it, I tell myself, ‘I am experiencing the dread. It doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t tell me anything useful, and I’m not going to let myself become an absolute fucking weirdo by pandering to it.’

And then I kick myself hard up the arse, knowing there will be an unpleasant transition from what I’m currently doing to what I’m going to do, but that it’s temporary - and that all the enriching and enlivening things in my life have come from making those difficult transitions.

@Iamsodone

Hi. My autistic daughter is 12. She was diagnosed at 6. Her CAMHS psychologist believed her anticipation anxiety was being exacerbated by us as parents because we were giving her too much prior warning of events. She then tried to 'game out' all possible outcomes of an event.

We switched to not giving lots of warnings of upcoming events. At 6, 15 minutes was suggested. It definitely reduced her anticipation anxiety. She now reads the weekly diary.

Other things have been letting her see gifts before wrapping them so there are no surprises. Trying to keep to a weekly rhythm so she can predict the week ahead which doesn't really change. Seasonal rhythms too. We repeat some holidays rather than try somewhere new. If we do choose a new location, we camp so the tent is the same and we repeat the same holiday activities - steam train, SUP, castle visit, etc.

Try to eliminate novelty essentially which is like hell for her. Predictability helps.

My Mum was born in 1946 and, when she was a child, her meals were the same on any given day of the week. Monday meant mince and tatties, etc. That never deviated. This type of approach seems to work for DD.

The trouble we have is DD2 is NT and likes novelty! Meeting both their needs simultaneously is exceptionally challenging.