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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

The ND struggle over Xmas

6 replies

unmemorableusername · 21/12/2024 16:33

I'm not coping.

Routine is fecked.
Not eating well, or at regular times.
Huge demands being made of me all the time, so PDA kicks in.
Sensory overload from the mess.
Social demands- having to manage in groups.
Presents- no theory of mind to imagine what gifts to buy.
Cultural- the assumption that everyone has nice families & friends to spend Xmas with when even if you're not alone this year you are still reminded of the years you were.
Family- Christmas seems very family orientated so it's a reminder how how dysfunctional yours is with so many ND people. Realise your childhood Xmas wasn't like others' and feel the loss.
Eating- rigidity is an issue. Conflict. Lots more finger food that hard with those with dyspraxia. More temptation to binge on junk as it's everywhere and gives that serotonin hit.
Winter weather- taking on & off layers of clothes is a lot of transitions. Not knowing how to dress fur the weather. Fear of slipping on ice. Short days. Little light so it's harder to get out before it's dark.
Couple conflict. Constant arguments. Emotional strain. Fixed ideas about how things should be.
Tasks- so many tasks to do in a set time frame. Very hard for those with task initiation difficulties.
Crafts- there seems to be more pressure now to do home made crafts with kids at Xmas or you're a bad mum. But it's hard when you have no hand eye coordination and no imagination.
Money. It's expensive enough without the lack of impulse control making you spend far too much.

Any more?

OP posts:
Startingagainandagain · 21/12/2024 17:21

I am coping by ignoring questions/changing the subject when a work colleague asks what I am doing for Christmas.

I have no interest in talking about my personal life with them in general and even less interest in listening to them going on about their plans and how many people will be in their house and how busy they will be and so on or they look of pity that I am not also waxing lyrical about my 'busy' plans...

I am no contact with my (abusive) family on my mother side so don't want to discuss my relatives with colleagues either.

Christmas for me is always a time to try to rest and recharge and I am delighted to be on my own with the cat and left to do as I please!

I did say yes to an invitation to visit a local friend for lunch on Boxing Day and I am stressing already about the event and what to bring her as a gift!

Frankly the Christmas and NY frenzy is something I try to avoid at all cost. It just is not for me.

I can only imagine how hard and challenging it must be to navigate if you have a partner and kids and you have to push yourself to take part in the Christmas stress for their sake.

MadKittenWoman · 21/12/2024 17:56

Just do exactly what you want. People who are busy, busy, busy over Christmas are often envious of those who don't get involved in all the stress and just chill out as they like. Enjoy!

lolit · 22/12/2024 12:49

Yep, this is why I fked it all off. I literally have zero plans over Christmas, zero obligations and buying zero gifts. Actually I had one plan, but I cancelled 😂

Best decision I ever made, the only thing that's a bit awks is people's reactions when you tell them you're doing nothing over Christmas, but that is their problem.

crackofdoom · 22/12/2024 12:55

You've got to try to do it on your terms, if at all possible. I know it isn't for some people, but luckily (?!?!) I'm NC with my parents, and now it's just me and the DC we're able to take it much easier and just do the bits we like. So, food, booze (for me), candles, lounging around, and a small manageable bit of socialising with people I want to see.

There are still annoying, stressful bits (just fuck off primary school with your eleventy billion events), but I find the pleasure just about outweighs the pain nowadays.

RandomMess · 22/12/2024 13:01



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