Does it sound as though I may be autistic ?

[Msmoonpie]

Hello

Ive wanted to ask this for a while and this seemed to be a good place. I have not sought formal diagnosis and I am not sure if I want to. Partly due to the cost but also I don’t want it on my medical records as I already have a mental health diagnosis and have experienced description from medical staff as a result and I don’t want to add to it. But I have wondered for some time if I am autistic as I know it can present very differently in women.

This shouldn’t be the case I know but in practice it is often different.

My “traits” are :

As a child I struggled with other children - preferred adult company.

As a child/.l teen Mental health issues - ocd:anxiety/depression all started at about 12 when left primary school.

Have diagnosed depression in adult life - but now I wonder if it isn’t just that I am utterly overwhelmed by having to fit into a world that isn’t made for me.

I do have a “Special interest” - which I turned into career - very successfully too. I’d rather not say wha my as I feel it may be identifying - but it’s sciencey .

Issues with some sensations - can’t wear a scarf - hate tights with a passion.

I always thought I was just introverted - so I need to re charge after events or being with groups of people - feel peopled out. But perhaps it’s more than that ?

I have never seriously dated- I have tried but it’s never worked out. I am 36. I’m also horrified at some of the things women put up with (see threads on here) and consider I may well be better off alone !

I am considered outspoken/blunt but can do tact when required - I may put my foot in it occasionally but I throng most people could say that ?

However I would say I “was” quite literal but not to the classic extent - I feel I almost had to “learn” to human/took longer to mature than others. I understand now a lot of things I didn’t when I was younger.

I do still struggle somewhat with hints and implied comments- don’t understand why people can’t just be clear.

I would say I prefer a more “european” way of communication - say things as seen without dancing around the issue.

I also hate crowded places, people in personal space etc. Supermarkets are my idea of hell.

I live alone and Have only a small select group of friends

I don’t usually socialise in groups as I don’t enjoy it.

I dislike change or unexpected amendments to plans last minute - I like to know what is happening and what plan B is at all times .

I would say I can respond and communicate really really well - various formats email (although I had to learn to do the whole greeting thing) etc except when it’s about me or I’m really stressed then I can’t do it as well - I can’t make myself be understood or I say it wrong/too abrupt or don’t understand them.

Lastly …I think I am and 2 other people who don’t know each other have suggested I may be autistic.

Can I ask for opinions/thoughts ? I know no one here can tell me for sure but I’d like to know what you all think ?

It's difficult to say. I share many of your traits and am AuDHD. I'd be reluctant to say "yes, absolutely!" But there appear to be some indications.

Can I ask why you wouldn't want to be assessed? Is it the stigma thing? I'd never push someone into getting an assessment if they didn't want to, but I have many friends who self ID as they have done their own research and really looked into whether they felt they were somewhere on the spectrum. Would this be a path for you?

It’s partly sigma yes. Partly cost too as I wouldn’t want it on my NHS record so I am reluctant to spend money on something that whatever the result I can’t change.

I suppose I would feel a bit of a fraud self identifying- particularly as I largely function quite well in life.

It does sound like you could be. I don't have a diagnosis and don't feel the need for one, but it does help to just know for myself. In the end I am who I am and have accepted that it's okay to run a little differently and have different social energy than the majority.

You might function well in daily life (so do I) but how much of that is through masking?

When you socialise do you have mental formulas? I know I do.

I do largely feel like this but I suppose I’d like to know if this is what makes me “different”.

Id like to understand.

What type of mental formula ?

I suspect I do mask as it’s always a relief when I get home alone to my own space where I can just be.

I think there’s a good chance you are. My husband is. The NHS didn’t give him a diagnosis because he can hold down a job, and the threshold they needed for adults is a lower ability to cope. In the process of my DC being diagnosed though, the psychiatrist pretty much told him he is. I say this because you may get turned away from the NHS and need to go private if you are able to keep your life together.

With the supermarket, my husband can get very distressed - borderline teary. Sending him out with a shopping list is an ordeal, but on the other hand for me, technical problems with my computer get me wound up, and he is absolutely fine with that. I feel that NT and ND people are bothered by different things.

The only benefit I think getting a diagnosis brings for adults, I think, is self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. It’s a big one though if you are very hard on yourself.

Yes you could be. I guess the question is, would having it confirmed be helpful in any way?I was diagnosed last weeks I’m hoping it helps my MH team understand me a little better.

I suppose my formulas are things like, consciously knowing what I should ask about. It's so ingrained now that it's hard to really explain. I can have conversations where it flows naturally and it's easy and I don't have to think, but they tend to be with other ND people.

I do think it would help understand myself I if I got a diagnosis - I’d know it’s not something I could change for a start.

Although perhaps not right now as I know a private assement can be costly.

Probably with strangers yes - I know to ask about their work/family/holiday etc.

With friends I know I don’t need to do that.

Were the traits notable from age 4, or if masked then, more notable in adolescent years? That's important for diagnosis.

She's said that she struggled more from around age 12, so that fits. In my own experience with a few girls, that's when it really shows with girls, at that preteen stage.

I'm diagnosed ASD and I'm very very similar. Also high flying academic scientist. (or was before I became a SAHM).

I bit the bullet and signed up for a private diagnosis and then the lady didn't charge me, which surprised me a lot.

The diagnosis definitely helps. Or at least it has definitely helped me.

ASD isn't a MH diagnosis, but if you have that diagnosis then I think people will understand better about the depression and you may experience less discrimination.

Having the assessment helped me mainly because the lady explained to me about how neurotypical people are different from me. I really didn't know before.

You sound a lot like me, and I'm currently awaiting referral for autism diagnosis.

It could well be that your mental health diagnosis has been wrong all along, if potential autism was never taken into account. It really would be worth speaking to your GP, mentioning that long list you have put on here, and asking them to refer you. You don't have to pay if it is via the NHS, but there is a long waiting list.

Many things you've mentioned are things I can identify with. I did an online quiz - it was quite an in-depth one with 120 questions but it was about Asperger's ( they called it Aspie). I found it quite useful in that it indicated that I'm ND in (I think it was) two out of the six areas tested. So if you have a Google for Aspie quiz I hope that will give you an idea of where you stand.

To be honest I don’t remember that much from age 4 in any detail.

I do think it became …more obvious that there was a difference between me and my peers from early teens.

Having the assessment helped me mainly because the lady explained to me about how neurotypical people are different from me. I really didn't know before.

@GiantBears - this sounds intriguing, could you say more about this please if it isn’t too personal?

I agree, you do sound autistic. I think it's well worth getting a diagnosis - it's incredibly useful to learn more about yourself and also very valididating. I was offered an appointment on the NHS but went private in the end due to the length of the waiting list. If you do go private, look for assessors who specialise in girls and women. If you would like a recommendation from the SE London area, let me know.

I’m high masking female autistic, (Aspergers type) diagnosed at 64.
I share a lot of your traits.

Mine also include stimming (in my case foot twitching, rocking, when no one is around) info-dumping, strong aversion to lying or other people’s lies, overwhelm in supermarkets / shops/ public places especially where there are bright lights, repetitive music, lots of people. Eye-contact issues (making eye-contact inappropriately as a masking device).

Very noise averse, hyper-sensitive to smells, dislike some physical sensations eg I have to cut off all clothes labels.

There are probably more.

I found it helpful to be diagnosed as it has made sense of a lot of my life which was previously perplexing.

Hi OP, reading your opening post I would say you could be ASD. I am the parent of a high functioning ASD girl and your description sounds so similar to her. Getting a diagnosis for her just helped me to understand more and gave me an insight in times when she was kicking off, which I now realise was melting down. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thank you. It is something I would like to pursue but at the moment costs are putting me off.

One of the main things is that I seem to find everyday life harder than other people…