Do i need to change?

[Everestisthebest]

So I've just received my autism diagnosis today after years of back and forth in my mind about getting the assessment done.

So what I'm wondering is that a huge part of it for me is around socialising and just not getting it a lot of the time. Should I look into social skills training and try to work on being better socially or just continue to be as I am.... i think i often come across rude as i avoid eye contact, struggle with small talk massively so dont really engage much, struggle with reciprocal conversation so try to relate it back to something I know.

Hi fellow autistic person 👋

I had a diagnosis about 2 years ago in my mid 5"s: The way I have dealt with it id to tell everyone I'm autistic in the hopes they realise that my quirks are down to autism and they might therefore be a bit forgiving.

I'd say as a general rule, allow yourself to be yourself. This means not forcing yourself to do things you hate just to keep up
Appearances and making time for the things you love. The more you try to fit into a neurotypical world, the more stress
You are putting on yourself, which is most unhealthy..

I

I think a bit of both really. Learning social etiquette will make you more able to navigate social situations, but this is called masking and has its own downsides. It is draining, and can be emotionally damaging because you may feel like your friends only like the masked version of you and your real self is unlikeable. So I would only do the bare minimum there, enough to not be offensive to work colleagues level. That is you meeting the world half way.

The world needs to come half way to you as well but this means letting friends and family that you are autistic and struggle with socialising. This should mean that they would be more tolerant and when you are being honest and blunt they would then recalibrate and think you are not being rude, and give you credit for good intentions. They also could be ok with the no eye contact issue, if you need to look elsewhere and fidget to talk to them maybe a fleeting glance at their face now and then, knowing this is part of your autism means friends and family should accept it and be ok with communicating with you without the eye contact. If they know too that your relating something back to something you know or experienced is how you express empathy and connection, sort of like different love languages, then they can reframe how they react to your way of empathising.

If friends and family refuse to meet you halfway, then they’re no good for you. This applies if you are afraid to tell them. You might find it better to seek out friends who are also ND as they are more likely to be accommodating to each others’ individual tisms. As you know, it’s a spectrum and there is more diversity within autism than without, but others who are also autistic tend to be more tolerant and accepting and able to adapt to differences ime.

Mid 50s

@dizzydizzydizzy @SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice can i ask did you tell your family immediately? Im trying to navigate how or if to tell my family (don't currently have many close friendships as I'm a SAHM and it uses up all my energy). My first instinct is to share with family but I'm also cautious. My counsellor has also said she would be worried about how people might react. I'm really unsure. I have a distant but okay relationship with most of my family members.

I've told pretty well everyone I know, including the management at work. I am of the view that they can understand me better if they know I am autistic.