Exploring autism as a possible diagnosis

[Lucybeary]

I have to say I've lived my adult life so far managing well, and I would never have been seen as classically autistic, as in the film Rain Man. In fact I'm fairly successful, but I've always had a niggling doubt about many aspects of myself.

Now it seems the world has caught up. People mask. I've masked all my life so far. I struggle with change so much, even to the point of worrying if a workman has to visit my home, or people are coming to visit. I don't contemplate travel and all through growing up I would have meltdowns at every life change event. These would also go on for months, or a couple of years after the event as I tried hard to adjust. I am easily overstimulated by people, sounds, etc. I hate small talk it's just energy draining. There's lots more to say but that's for now.

I was told once I had adjustment disorder but then I didn't ask about autism then. But there are a number of things coming up in the literature now that I resonate strongly with.

I know other women are exploring this, can anyone share their journeys with me? I know some are exploring the adhd area too but I've never related to that. I concentrate very well on things, and it doesn't have to be my own interest, I can make myself concentrate on anything and learn it if it's necessary (and it's not going to bring change to my life haha!)

Not sure what to do about this except mention it to my GP. I would pursue to the diagnosis for the reasons of greater understanding and finally listening to myself, as well as making adjustments to support myself better. Thanks anyone that can share their journey and how they went about it.

Just a quick aside - rain man is definitely not a true representative of autism!

Diagnosed with autism and ADHD in my 50s and have rewritten the narrative of my life. Getting ready for work, so can't answer fully, start with the GP and the reasons you're asking. They'll likely ask you to complete a form, turn you'll wait for a very long time for an appointment to come through, unless you go private.

Have you taken the AQ10 yet?

Rain man is old school boy ASD. There are many flavours.
I am not diagnosed either but my dd has ASD, ArFID and ADHD diagnosis. Going through those I would say I am.

I function in society though but it's draining. I am exhausted with life.

The person who inspired the film rain man, Kim Peek, isn't even autistic. Please don't base your assumptions on autism on Hollywood! Most autistic people aren't also savants.

Do an online quiz to gauge your liklihood of being autistic. If it seems likely, you can speak to your gp. Be warned that there are backlogs of years. You may want to consider if you can pay privately, if you can be assessed on ant workplace health insurance, or look into right to choose.

The AQ10 is a really poor measure. Don't recommend it at all. Poor internal consistency and reliability meaning it fails to pick up ASD traits in a high percentage of people.

I was diagnosed late (25 years old when I was told I am autistic). I spent most of my life feeling different, I struggled to make and maintain friendships, school life was just horrendous as any inkling of a difference if sniffed out and bullied out of you. I always felt like I was on a different page to those around me, not ina snobby "I'm better than you" way, but more of a "how do you guys make fun of each other and know where the line is, why aren't apologising for being rude, was that rude? Why do you guys like (subject) and get to talk about it but I like (different subject) and no one will listen to me even i listen to their interests?"

I spent a lot of my high school trying to explain to my mum that my brain isn't okay but she didn't listen. Then I found an autistic forum at work and found i related to a lot of what they were saying and it just clicked, I knew I was autistic at that point but I needed to be sure so I asked the doctor to assess me. I was told I don't present like an autistic person but was given the test anyway, a few mk the later, the actual assessment where I was diagnosed immediately at the end of it.

I wish I had known sooner, maybe school could have been a good place instead of a nightmare but I'm happy now feeling like I understand myself more. If you have a gut feeling, you should follow it

Is this the one they are all talking about, created by Simon Baron Cohen?

If so, yes, I fall into the autism spectrum, but only just past the borderline.

You are right. I am not basing my assumptions on hollywood, I suppose I just thought many people would and so I had to clarify that's not it for me.

Ive been considering whether I’m autistic for a couple of years now. Several of my family members have been diagnosed and I can see traits in others.

I completely put it aside previously as I was concerned there was overdiagnosis and that it would be wrong for me to consider myself autistic due to having some traits, but not being severely impaired by them, for example maybe the autism diagnosis should be retained for people who are non verbal or who are completely unable to maintain conversation.

I’ve since been looking into it again and see that they do have a classification according to the three levels of support needs and I would be level 1. I am reevaluating my life through this lens and feeling really sad about my struggles up to this point and wondering how different life would have been if I’d have known and accepted I was autistic. I always felt so ashamed of not being able to socialise normally, I was miserable at school, I was completely obsessed with figuring out how to be ‘normal’ and then I would be popular and happy, and that has continued to this day. I’ve done so many rounds of therapy, tried all sorts of holistic modalities to manage my anxieties, endless self help. Forced myself to hang out with people in noisy pubs and so on despite it being so hard for me to keep up any type of social interaction in that environment, I now realise due to the sensory overload. I’ve been totally on the wrong track for decades.

For me, I always felt that there was a rule book that I wasn't party to.

I suffered with extreme & debilitating anxiety from a very young age and had countless, what I thought then, were panic attacks, but were actually autistic meltdowns.

I struggled through school, Uni, employment, always completing work at the last minute, often in tears, never asking for help & constantly wondering why everyone else seemed able to move through life with relative ease.

I learned to mask so effectively that no-one knew the extent of my struggles except occasionally a boyfriend or my Mum.

In my 40s, during one of my many rounds of therapy, the therapist suggested that my previous diagnoses of GAD and OCD (diagnosed in my 30s) may be better explained by a female presentation of autism.

I went away and researched, then finally had a private assessment & was diagnosed with autism and ADHD (combined type).

Life is still tricky in parts, but I now make allowances for myself & know what my limitations are. I have been through cycles of grief at the what ifs, & have so much internalised ableism that I still expect too much of myself at times. I don't always want to openly admit how hard things can be for me.

If you're going to approach the GP just be aware there may be a long wait; there are lots of adult women out there who are coming to similar realisations at the moment. So, if you can afford it, private might be a better option.

The National Autistic Society website is a great source of info, as is Embrace Autism.

All the best!

Try taking the CAT-Q test online for an indication, it accounts for masking.

I'm AuDHD and everything you describe feels familiar to me.

It's a bit of a journey, so be kind to yourself.

In addition to the CAT-Q test, have a look at the "Aspie Quiz" (very outdated name, goes well with the website) on rdos.net - it's a really detailed overview, that does a lot more than just give you a score (there's a fantastic visual representation of the way "the spectrum" ought to be shown, as well as text analysis of your results).

My assessor used that as part of the initial screening (as well as the CAT-Q and a couple of others) when I was diagnosed.