Can you tell me what this means? (Social stuff)

[Wonderingpigeon]

I have Autism, been told i have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and im really REALLY struggling with it. So please awnser tonights late night ruminations so i can go to sleep.

I don't understand if this is normal behaviour or me?

Group of friends years ago. Stayed in contact on social media with one.
Over years started responding to my messages less and less and now restricted profile.
Is this personal? Or a grown apart kind bye bye?
I just presumed people leave people on their accounts 😂 I don't mind, just prefer it not to be a 'I did something wrong' I'm now ruminating on all the ways I could be awful over the years 😅

Also Do I get offended if someone keeps saying "ill come over for coffee" everytime I see them..but then constantly have excuses not to..

Is that a them problem or a me problem? Is it a 'I don't like you, but have to be polite' they did use to come over :/ but I dont recall doing anything wrong :( I don't start the conversation.

It took me a long time but the coming over for coffee thing is not actually about coming over for coffee. It's one of those weird lies that make no sense to me. I don't get why it's said, you may as well stick to "bye, see you" instead of saying 'let's go for coffee soon' or what she said to you.

The question isn't whether these people want you in their lives so much as whether you want them in your life.

Social media acquaintances aren't going to add much value to your life and are not a measure of your worth as a person.

Saying they'll come over for coffee seems a people-pleaser thing to do. You want friends whose actions line up with their words.

@Janpoppy @MisterPNumber23

Ah yes that makes sense the coffee thing. I just automatically presume if people say something they are sincere about what they say. She is a people pleaser, but that's why I thought it was wrong she said it without intent to follow through 😅 but I can see how with a different perspective it's a people pleaser habit to not mean when they say it.

You have made me feel so much better and glad I asked here, I would have never come to the conclusion that it's a phrase people say and you have actually cleared up a lot of my paranoia, because I've been getting that a lot with people from groups and been thinking it's me and I'm being ghosted.
But the go here, go beach etc has all been at the end of a conversation or in passing and open ended with no dates. Phew I'm not awful 😂😂

Could they have the intention but just aren’t managing to follow through? For example if they have autism themselves they may think it’s a nice idea to go for coffee. But in reality they are tired and need alone time so struggle to make it actually happen.

ADHD here but when I say “let’s go for coffee” I usually know it won’t happen but I say it to signal to let the person know that I theoretically want to
hang out with them (but in reality I’m too busy, tired and disorganised).

Have really struggled to make friends always. At last now I'm older I realise that with many many people I am not on their wavelength and I have a mind that dashes from one interesting thing to another - and often people just want to gossip, compare difficulties in their lives, repeat their sympathy of some past event, shared problems (usually minor eg the dog woke them at 5 am), explain in great detail how they tidied their lounge etc -these thing are boring to me so I struggle to empathise so probably seem odd or unfriendly.
So I have always masked to feign interest which they pick up on and I now know I need short meetings with people and unless they share a hobby or interest with me we will probably not get on too well. Also the not naturally holding people's eye when you chat - I think this makes you seem odd and puts people off.
Not sure if anyone else on here feels like this. It's hard to explain.

Yes, I find conversations don't feel natural. I find myself struggling to understand it or get it wrong.

Like in your example about the dog waking up at 5am. Rather then engaging about sympathy for annoyance..I'd get the complete wrong end of the stick and respond "Oh how cute" to then freeze in confusion about the point, overthink I'm missing the meaning to then respond with a complete unrelated question to try and get the interaction back on track 😅

I have assumed I have an unlikeable personality. But I do wonder if they can get the vibe of my panic and complete struggle to converse.

In all honesty my eyes do funny things, half way through a conversation I remember I need to give eye contact 😅 so I randomly try it, to then realise I gave too much intensity, then at some point they dart around as I fumble wondering where the hell I focus my eyes. In the end it gets increasingly awkward and weird and I abruptly abort the interaction in panic 😂

I can so relate to all of this. People are confuuuussing. The only variation for me is that people I know very well (ev husband, sister) and don't worry about my social interactions with, I don't tend to misinterpret so much. For me (ADHD rather than ASD although GP has suggested I explore ASD diagnosis too), I think maybe it's more rejection sensitivity type panic that with others I am misinterpreting and worrying they will therefore hate me 🤣🤣

I get literally so excited too @Pat888 to have the opportunity to discuss random interesting things that are not the boring stuff most people drone on about 😆