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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

How/should I help?

1 reply

wintercherry · 04/11/2024 09:16

Hi, I'm looking for some advice from other parents who have ND children.

Sorry longish post

I have a friend who has a little boy aged 4 almost 5. He is the most beautiful, intelligent and sweetest child you could meet. I have close contact with mum and within our friendship group of 5 we all have children around the same age. Our personal friendship spans over 15 years, just wanted to add this to say I know her very well. We have similar age children and this is no comparison, both boys very very different.

Mum has been told by two different establishments (nursery/school) that child has fallen behind peers and needs further investigation. Mum seems to have completely blocked this information as if it has never been mentioned and won't acknowledge any issues.

A few things about child for reference
• hand flapping
•walking on toes
• so so loud (shouts all the time)
•minimal fine motor (left handed)
•has no balance (bikes/scooters)
•randomly stopped eating meat - only beige bland food
•photographic memory - can read already
•has no imaginative play
•obsessed with toys for younger ages
•monotone and very factual talk. Can repeat the entire dictionary probably 🙂
•no sentence structure and sometimes unintelligible
•no social skills with children other than family children - no social boundaries
•very inactive, can't run properly or walk long distance due to fitness levels

There are more but the above seems like a character assassination and I absolutely adore this boy.

I do not want to destroy my friendship with mum but it frustrates me that he isn't getting the support he needs to thrive at school. He is currently falling behind with social skills as it seems friendships are not even on his radar and this upsets mum.

Now to the question. How do I approach this without causing hurt or do I not say anything at all? As posted above mum & child mean the world to me and I only want this little boy to thrive in life and right now he is barely coping.

Any advice is greatly appreciated 😊

OP posts:
AuDHDacious · 26/11/2024 02:11

If the mum is upset re social skills this topic would be the conversation starter eg I wonder if you’ve considered ASD? Some traits are … (what you described above). Provide some written info or a web address etc. in case they are open to considering this.

This may not be received well so mention it and leave it there if she doesn’t want to discuss it. Try to keep the conversation light; I’m not saying that is the reason, just one possibility I thought of, I’m no expert! You need to understand that it’s a kind of bereavement thing; accepting that your child is not ‘normal’ and will have a life different from what you envisaged. This isn’t something easy to accept so you need to expect denial, either short or long term.

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