( longish) Still bitter that mum was upset about name choice.

[PPAdvixe]

I will admit this sounds bad but I was struggling to choose a name for my child before they were born.

I have a very unusual ( but surprisingly a diminutive of a old fashioned European non-UK name that was popular with the upper class like in the 1800’s) name that not to sound up myself doesn’t sound like stupid and nearly everyone seems to think is a nice name.

I’ve always wanted my kids to have an unusual name because I have an unusual name, and I wanted their unusual name to be objectively ( generally ) nicer than mines. Maybe to some people that’s a selfish / wrong way of thinking but idk I felt it’s unfair for my child to have a rotated common name while I don’t. Obviously I didn’t want the name too sound totally crazy and unreasonable etc.

( Even when I see a mother and kid with common names, the kids name is generally seen as objectively nicer EX: Sarah mother, Scarlett daughter. )

I chose a name in the end that sort of uncommon, doesn’t sound crazy and some people think it’s nice.

My mum picked out a name my grandchild which is nice but it’s not uncommon. My mum was very upset I didn’t choose the name that she picked out about 1/2 months before I gave birth and about 6 months after. Her reasoning is that me being neurodiverse and her being my carer growing up/as an adult, I could have honoured her hard work bringing me up being neurodiverse and all and gave her praise by choosing the name picked up.

I haven’t put this in aibu I know, I’m not really looking for that, but people are free to say I’m in the wrong/can see where my mum is coming from. I’m just more bitter or well more really now while my emotions died down, can’t forget that she just tried to pick a name and I was supposed to pick it to honour her bringing me up which was difficult for her since I’m ND??? If the name I picked was objectively stupid I could half understand her more, but it’s not.

More of a vent I guess.

TLDR: Mum picked out a name, I picked out my own name, I wanted a name for my child that is unusual but not stupid sounding since I have an unusual name and thought it would be unfair to give my child a common name. Mum was upset that I didn’t pick out her name choice as she felt I should have picked hers to show gratitude for bringing me up as a ND child/teen caring for me as ND Adult. Open to opinions but venting.

P.S And my child’s name is sort of uncommon and complimented but there’s quite a few kids with my child’s name, so not as uncommon as mines ( I’ve only met one person with my name) and it’s sort of in the media anyway, I failed I guess, but it was going to be hard what I was trying to do.

It is NOT like London, Mercedes, Chanel, Ocean etc. I’m probs going to log out and come back on weeks/months etc later, I just needed a lil personal mini rant.

@PPAdvixe "I’m probs going to log out and come back on weeks/months etc later, I just needed a lil personal mini rant"

Many on MN do try to be helpful @PPAdvixe but if you know the name you love and picked, personally, for your child, then you don't really need feedback, do you?🙂

I think it’s more she felt I should have chosen the name she wanted because she felt she should be appreciated in some way bc raising me as a ND was hard idk. I’m open to opinions though

My mum didn’t say the name I chose was stupid either just she wish so chose the name she wanted so I could honour her after everything she’s had to do for me lol. But you’re right…

• I really don’t wanna be defensive or longwinded but I can’t edit my post or idk how to… My mum definitely would have told me straight she thinks it’s a crap / stupid sounding name , and I would have appreciated that, she’s never said that

just “ After all the hard work of being your mum and dealing with you're ND you should have let me pick out the name to give some appreciation to me” that pissed me off.

Maybe as a middle name you could have used the name your mother picked? But it’s not her decision nor right to name your own child. It’s a weird way of thinking.

You are 100% in the right. It’s not up to your mum to choose the name you give to your child.

I'm raising two ND kids. Your mum is unreasonable. Your kid, your choice.

Your Mum ,like mine was, sounds quite controlling. It was up to you to stick to your guns though

No one but the parent/s pick the baby's name. NO ONE - I'm 70 years old and never have I seen someone else choose a baby's name. Cheeky DM.

Well she picked her baby's name (yours) and now you have picked your baby's name. That's how it works. Grandmother's choice isn't a thing (maybe some cultures I'm not aware of but of that was yours you would have presumably mentioned it).

It was cruel to claim she had a hard time raising you. Being a parent is tough. That's not on the child.

She had her turn to pick a babies name and then it was your turn. Your mum isn’t in the right l am afraid

I don’t think raising ANY child is super easy. I say that as someone who is neurodiverse, who suspects one of her children and one of her children isn’t. Plus your mum shouldn’t be guilting you for being neurodiverse

I think you're right that you should've chosen the name. What it is, whether it's 'objectively better' or not is irrelevant. Incidentally, there are no objectively better or worse names, just your opinion on that. Some people may prefer Sarah to Scarlett (I do!).

As a PP said, your mum got to name you (or maybe she didn't, did your grandmother name you?). So, it's your decision what you name your child. Your mum sounds a bit immature in what she said to you (not considerate, implying you were difficult to bring up, and not self controlled, not keeping her mouth shut!) or perhaps she said this things to guilt you into going with her name, which is not great parenting either.

Be happy with your name choice! Don't mind her, her reactions are her own to take responsibility for. All the best with parenting. It's not easy when they're 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years or 22 years!

Is she still your carer? If so does that mean she will now also have to be a carer for your child?

She has no right to demand that she names your child at all. She’s totally unreasonable. But sounds a tough road for her if she’s a long term carer. Does she feel appreciated?

Your mum is being unreasonable. You get to choose your baby's name and it's nothing to do with her.

It’s one thing to steer a new parent away from an unacceptable name, or suggest a difficult to spell name is maybe not the best choice.

It must be nice to be honoured by a new parent either naming their child after you, or going with your favoured suggestion.

But to turn it into expectation and be hurt when the choice isn’t picked up? Totally bonkers and unacceptable.

This. There are other ways you can show your appreciation to your parents ( if you feel that’s the right thing to do ).

Your mum's in the wrong, you're right.

The great thing is that she doesn't get a choice - you choose. So if you can get to a point where you can just laugh it off, even make it into a running joke with her, do.

I've read about more than one grandparent who insist on using the name they choose for their grandchild. If that happens, I'd still let it be. My grandmother used a nickname for me that nobody else used, and that was quite a nice bond. It didn't change what my name was.

It doesn't sound as if you're calling your child Zowie or Moon Unit and even if you are... you choose.

Buy your mum a doll and tell her she can use the name on that.

Edit: idk what kind of ND you experience but, just to clarify, my post is a joke. Do not buy your mum a doll 😂