cant let go of wrong doings

[TheSnugHare]

Is there any correlation between having ADHD or autism and not letting things go that other people have done or said wrong towards you? Why does it happen and how can I stop? I’ve never let go of things that happened years ago, even things that happened during childhood. I know it’s doing damage to me, and others have said I am “crazy” and other judgemental terms because of it. I don’t understand why the passage of time makes anything less bad? It bothers me just as much or still a lot whether it happened last week or a year ago.

I don't have a diagnosis (I suspect AuADHD) but this is me. I ruminate all day every day about things that have happened in the past. I don't have any one I can talk things over with in real life so most of the time I feel hurt by what's happened yet also ponder whether I'm just being oversensitive and actually there is nothing wrong with other peoples actions / words.
I'm at the point now where I have almost completely isolated myself. I think everyone is going to hurt me so why bother making connections?
I don't really know how to get over this and I'm sorry I don't have any advice, just want you to know you're not alone

Maybe it could be from having a strong sense of justice?

www.verywellmind.com/what-to-know-about-autism-and-justice-sensitivity-8631234

Can I just say, I relate to everything you wrote. Absolutely everything hurts me and I withdraw a lot.

I hate feeling misunderstood which feeds into what you say a bit. I am still annoyed by several things that have gone by where people have thought something which wasn't the case. In terms of never forgiving a wrong though, I'm the opposite, far too forgiving, usually to my detriment

Yes. In a word.

Rumination, seeking truth and answers when things don’t make sense. Wanting to be seen to be doing the right thing. DOING the right thing.

We have a strong sense of justice tethered to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) and overwhelming empathy.
It can lead us to overthink interactions to the point that we avoid them. Texts and emails can take ages because we don't want to sound judgemental or condescending.
We can ruminate at night for hours on the smallest things from today to when we were at our first job interview.
There are various strategies that I use my self, which includes a lot of positive reframing (which was and is very difficult), developing clean sleep and wild writing.

Oh wow this is SO Mr! (Suspected Autism).

My mother is like this

I had EMDR with a psychologist (paid 110 pounds an hour-long session - probably cheap because of where I live) which helped with the worst memories.
She also helped me to remind me of the good times in my past which was nice.

I’m like this and I’m not ND.
I have a strong sense of justice, and can’t let things go at all.
I lie awake at night with stuff like this running through my brain.
I hold a bit of a grudge and think about all of the things I should have said to the person instead of just ignoring it in the moment. It’s like my brain won’t accept the wrong they’ve done me. I think if the person was paid back in some way I might feel better.
I have encountered more than my fair share of abusive people though, and I think a lot would feel the same way as me in my shoes.