Any NT/ND relationships out there which work well?

[Hallibo]

Tired of reading the negativity on the aspergers thread. Any success stories?

I have ASD (and likely ADHD) and my husband is NT, and we’ve been together 11 years now. I haven’t read the thread in question so not sure what the issues are generally. Maybe I should read it 🤔

It's tough reading @Normalitee and I'm sure the people have points. I'm NT and my DP is ND. We have no plans to have children and no plans to marry or live together. But we are very happy!

There are plenty of NT / NT relationships which are not happy and don’t work for a variety of reasons as well. Like you and your partner, my husband and I are happy together. I suppose it’s good to understand what behaviours are because of ASD, and which aren’t. Some behaviours that are selfishness are excused by ASD, while some behaviours which are due to ASD are dismissed.

For example sometimes I say the wrong word which completely changes the meaning of what I was trying to say. Not completely the wrong word, but for example instead of saying ‘Not’ I’ll say ‘Not as’ which changes the meaning. If I meant to say someone is not stupid, but say not as stupid, that’s then implying I do think they’re somewhat stupid, when I meant to say the exact opposite. My husband understands this about me so he doesn’t get offended when I misspeak and we just laugh about it. This has caused a lot of problems for me in the past though, as you can imagine. The other week I accidentally implied that he looked like an old woman 🤦🏻‍♀️

On the flip side I’ve seen some behaviour which is selfishness being excused by ASD, and then the person with ASD accusing the other person of bullying them for not allowing them to continue in the selfish behaviour. For example, talking over someone or always needing to have the last word or be right in an argument. These things can be controlled in order to be a good partner.

Well that’s my tuppence anyways 😜

I don't massively believe in a black and white idea of NT/ND. My husband doesn't have any diagnosed or likely neurodivergence but both my kids have diagnosed ND, one multiple diagnoses so either I have really dominant genes or maybe there is something less obvious coming from DH's side as well. I prefer the neurodiversity idea, every brain is different, everyone is an individual. Some of us just meet the criteria for certain diagnostic labels. I don't see how comparisons to other couples is of any benefit.

I would say that ours does but honestly - I'm not 100% sure that DH is NT! He is dyslexic so technically he is not, anyway, though I know that he personally doesn't consider that to bring him under the ND umbrella.

I think it's important to listen to each other and communicate well and not expect the other person to change - accept them as they are. Regardless of neurotype.

Hi @Hallibo Empowered NT Circle community is great for NT/ ND relationships

@LoverGirlMummy Hi, sadly we split up after everything. Mainly because I had children and he wanted someone full time to himself. The way things ended was very final/absolutely no compromise. I did lots of reading into it and generally the gist was that in these relationships, the NT has to compromise a lot.