Am I possibly autistic?

[Starfish89]

Hello,

I am a female in my late 30s. Lately I have been wondering if I may be neurodivergent in some way.

I guess I have always felt a bit different, but I put that down to being an only child, quite quiet and shy.

I don't have any issues reading social signs, and I am fine at making small talk and conversation. But there are other things that make me suspicious!

1. I have OCD. I check things over and over again. Like doors being locked etc.
2. I have had eating disorders since I was a teenager.
3. I often shake my foot when I am sittting, especially if I am nervous.
4. I rub my hand along fabrics with specific textures I enjoy.
5. I still, as an adult, love cuddly toys and the way they feel and smell.
6. I suffer from anxiety and sometimes depression. I overthink and overplan everything.
7. When I was younger I was obsessed with litter bins.
8. I don't like loud noises.
9. I struggle to keep spaces tidy.
10. At work I am not very fast at tasks, but excellent at detail and spotting errors. I am a perfectionist.

There are probably more things I am not recognising, but those are the main ones I can think of. Any thoughts are very much appreciated.

It sounds like you could well be; autistic people are more likely to have been diagnosed with OCD (when OCD is actually a part of their autistic experience), also there is a higher proportion of eating disorders among the autistic community than the NT population, and anxiety is also extremely common if autistic. Sensory issues, obsessions (special interests) & attention to detail are also autistic traits. You can still be autistic and fine at making small talk / reading social signs. I guess the thing to consider next is whether you are happy self diagnosing, or whether you would like official recognition via a professional assessment / diagnosis. That can open doors for you at work, in terms of reasonable adjustments etc.

I'm quite similar and asked my GP - there is a form I think called AQ10 that they get you to do and refer on that basis.

I scored 7 I think when the threshold is 6, so just above. I think females can mask more

However like you I wondered how much being introverted has played a part. When I've been more extroverted I'm a lot less organised, like the extraversion takes up all my organising.

What I have found helpful are therapeutic activities that help with getting more into my body - yoga, lifting weights, swimming, walking, breathing exercises, stretching, singing etc. - I can really struggle to verbalise when I am overwhelmed but doing physical things is a way of processing.

Thank you @ffsgloria and @PoachesPeaches

I have tried online tests and I seem to come out kind of borderline.

I don't know whether to pursue an official diagnosis or not. I manage ok in life, but I don't know if possibly being diagnosed as being autistic would bring some sort of peace to me. Like I might finally have a reason as to why I feel a bit different.

It's definitely bought peace to me & made sense of so much! I am much kinder to myself & don't force myself to do things anymore; it's been life changing. Personally I just had to know for sure.

I've just decided I probably am, on the basis that a diagnosis would be years away anyway.

Noise cancelling headphones have been a game changer for me.