How can I function with autism

[ZanyPombear]

I don’t have any friends because I have agoraphobia but I do have various workers such as mental health workers that visit the house and socialising with them causes me to feel drained. I know that’s different to socialising with a friend but I have been like this when I’ve had friends too. I have been working on my mental health. Before having agoraphobia going out, going to the shop, socialising, caused me to feel so drained that I needed to go to bed and have a lot of time to decompress and I couldn’t pay attention to things anymore to keep myself safe and I couldn’t function. When I start to get like this I can’t read as it doesn’t go in, I can’t follow instructions and I can’t listen to what someone is saying to me. I can’t pay attention or enjoy hobbies when I’m like this and I have more accidents and am more clumsy. I become hyper aware of everything and the way my body feels and hyper aware of sounds. I have misophonia and certain common sounds like plate scraping or even sounds that other people make when they speak can cause me to feel enraged. I get burned out very quickly.
As long as I don’t socialise I can function. I am claiming adult disability payment for these issues but because I have been getting help they will review it in a few years time to see if my needs have changed. I have numerous workers and the goal is that I will be expected to come off LCWRA and disability payments and work. I don’t know how to manage or how anyone else who works does.

Hello @ZanyPombear
This all sounds horribly stressful. No wonder you’re barely getting by. I think you’re totally overwhelmed by your neurodivergence (see you diagnosed?)

I have an adult diagnosis of Aspergers. I have, in the past had a very responsible career, two husbands and a child (now an adult). I have friends who know my diagnosis and some who don’t. I TRY to see people because it’s “good for me”. It’s also harrowing, exhausting and I genuinely come home very often and can barely recall what I (or anyone else) has said because I’m so utterly overwhelmed.

Can you find an adult support group? Being with people who get you, might help. What are you taking/doing for anxiety?

You need some help. Try not to skip ahead to reassessment. It’s years away.

And…The world and our society has changed massively in the past 6-10 years. It’s noisier, scarier, more intrusive and “constant” than ever before. I think you may be reacting to the relentless stimulation of every day life.

See your GP. Get all of this on record.

I don’t know how to manage or how anyone else who works does.

I don’t either. I read accounts of women on here with ASD who have careers and I think, how?! They are amazing which means I am…the opposite of amazing? A failure? It’s hard not to feel this way, but we’re all different in what we can handle and what is simply not possible for us. I get wiped out just interacting with two different shop-workers while running errands! It’s not even ‘socialising’ but it is to me. Once I’m home I can decompress but my anxiety is spiked and I’m not functional for the rest of the day.

Yesterday I needed to pick up a prescription and had to sign the form and put the date down and give my post code…my brain blanked and I had a panic trying to remember the date and the post code of where I’ve lived for the past 6 years. It’s so embarrassing.

For work the only thing I can do is self-employed at home but it earns peanuts. I can’t handle a normal job and I dropped out of university because it was simply not possible and I had no support back then. I feel where you are coming from and I wish you all of the best, sorry I don’t have advice as I’m a mess!

Both of you are being let down massively. For a start, at work you can ask for reasonable adjustments to your working day. This is employment law.

I have masked my entire life. I didn’t know it was masking it was just me observing and copying in order to not stick out like a sore thumb professionally and socially. I am now heading for retirement and burnt out.

That's the kicker, we don't function 😂I personally function for a few months, managing to socialise and work and every time I think this time it will last, but nope. I end up in burnout that sometimes lasts years recovering from being functional for a few months, rinse and repeat...

Yep. And then, you’ll have people saying “but you’re not REALLY autistic, I mean, not really “!!!! 😡😡😡

Yes. I am. It just crucifies me trying to act normal for you special neurotypical people!

When people say that, I just hit them with an example that's so obviously not NT that they can't deny it. Like the fact that even going to the grocery shop is so overstimulating for me that I need to have a lie-down after doing it 😂

I have hearing aids, both ears. It’s Catch 22. I need them to hear what’s being said but, I can also hear everything else!! I don’t wear them for instance in shops or when exercising. I can’t stand the endless chatter/phones ringing/radio ads/ etc. I use ear plugs frequently too, when I’ve had enough of people noise.

OP, do you have a diagnosis?

Yeah I was diagnosed when I was a child