First relationship with medically diagnosed ADHD woman

[mradamsnaith89]

Hey everyone, I am hoping to get some advice.

I met a woman online around two months ago. We really hit it off, and it was very intense for the first few weeks. I stayed at hers a lot, we went on trips and had lots of fun (I went on to learn this is the hyperfocus stage).

Out of nowhere it went from 100 to 0 but she had an open conversation with me and was completely honest. She told me that she has put off self care, and lost her routine after putting all of her energy into me. To me, it looked like she lost interest. She said that we needed to take a step back, and be on a friendship level for now whilst we work on ourselves.

Since then, we have been out a lot, she is still a little affectionate every now and then but not like she used to be.

I am trying my best to learn about ADHD and Autism, and I have listened to multiple podcasts and I am currently reading a book.

I don't know how to support her and I do really like her. I do not want to lose her. I do think it is clear that she likes me to.

She recently came back from a trip with her family, and she was speaking with her mum about me, which I think may be a good sign?

I just don't know how to move forward and I am anxious about it all. Does anyone have any advice?

I've just randomly found this thread after joining recently and I'm looking through ADHD threads as I've been recently diagnosed so I'm sorry for a random late reply!

I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read up on ADHD/ASD so you can understand her better, honestly it will mean so much to her not to have to explain herself like she has had to her whole life!

It sounds like she really enjoyed herself at the start to the point like you say she was hyper fixated and she was self aware enough that she maybe burned out and then was stuck not being able to do her hygiene tasks etc? Which for us is honestly the worst tasks in the world and it honestly takes it out of us doing them.

I think it's definitely a good sign she hasn't just cut you off (speaking for myself I'm quite quick to end relationships/ friendships if I'm not feeling it anymore) and she also confided in her mum about you which me personally, I only do if it's worth taking about lol.

Just to add we are very guarded with our emotions if you look up rsd (rejection sensitivity disorder) it's a part of ADHD and we are very good at telling ourselves how we don't deserve this good thing that's happening and we also overthink every single thing that could go wrong so maybe this is why she's took a back seat? As for the affection side (me anyway) I love cuddles but if I've had a overwhelming day I cannot stand being touched as that's another sensory overload for me 🤣.

Not sure how it's going now but if you keep being there for her and keep understanding her it honestly goes a long way. For me when I met my husband I distanced myself for a while, had every bad thought under the sun and even nearly self sabotaged the relationship because well everyone else leaves so he will too. He was supportive, understanding, he went at my pace and he kept reassuring me and showed that he cared.

Anyway! Hope you are well!

AuDHD is confusing and inconsistent, so open communication is important. Of course, this is probably true of any relationship.

During my 20 year relationship with my NT DP I’ve sometimes found it extremely helpful for both of us to have a written dialogue to clarify each other’s POV and feelings. This allows more time to accurately explain and understand both sides than a conversation does.

Perhaps this is something you could initiate?

I hope this helps.