Give me some tough love!

[lillipilli]

I need to sort out my life. I've got anxiety, ADHD and it has impact on a lot of my life areas. So I KNOW what I have to do but have no motivation and every time I try to stick to something I just slip off.

I need to:

1. Work on my health anxiety
2. Eat better
3. Reduce sugar & red bull & fizzy drinks consumption
4. Be more productive at work
5. Clear debt quickly
6. Be a good mum to a spirited toddler
7. Sleep better - I crave enjoyment and often stay late watching favourite shows despite needed to sleep

The thing is I feel as i have a few stressors that I am trying to resolve and some trauma too, I just CRAVE dopamine and can't do anything else. And sometimes I am so low every day I have to drag myself out of my shell to function. Help! Help!

Hi I will join you.

Just started the process for assessment for ADHD - I can't stand the internal noise anymore!

Perimenopausal.

Have 2 ND kids - one diagnosed ASD, ADHD and dyslexia. One undiagnosed ASD, probable ADHD.

I'm unhappy, feel stuck in a rut and sick of myself.

My house is a mess as I can't get on top of it.

I can't stop spending money on things I don't need

Overweight and physically struggling yet I hate food?!

Have been picked up by our 'well women's' specialist at our GP surgery and it was so good to off load to her, my HRT is being tweaked and she's supportive with the referral for ADHD, she's also prescribed meds for weight loss and to dampen down my anxiety.

I just want a quiet life with no drama but I'm great at creating my own drama in my head

How are you today?

IME, it works much better when I try to resolve one thing at a time and totally ditch all the guilt about the other things. I think what happens often with the poor executive function in ADHD is that we have no systems for anything so everything is a total and utter mess and it is all tangled up in a big pile so making progress on one thing doesn't feel like progress because the overall pile is still overwhelming. And/or we try to make progress on everything at once and that is ineffective, all of this then feeds into stress/guilt/feeling that we can't stick to anything.

You say that you have a few stressors you are trying to resolve - is that this list, or are they separate from it?

Are you on medication for either the ADHD or anxiety? Is that something you'd like to explore at all?

Out of your list, I think I'd probably pick either sleep or debt as the first "unsolved problem" - which one feels more realistic to tackle first and/or which would have the greater effect on your day to day life? Would clearing debt free up more money in your budget, for example? And do you have multiple debts, or just one?

Ditching guilt about the others would mean not worrying about what you eat for now, in the knowledge that you will get to this at some point later. Just eat what you feel like eating/drinking, or get in plenty of drink alternatives and allow yourself one sugary drink per day (but again don't worry about this/beat yourself up if you have more - it's on the backburner right now!)

Fulfilling your basic obligations at work, doing whatever is your current routine, not particularly trying to improve there for now.

I'm sure you are a good mum to your toddler so don't beat yourself up about bad days/hard days. We all have them.

I have not struggled with health anxiety myself, so not sure what letting this one go would look like - other than to simply say OK, yes, I feel anxious, that's OK, that's where I am right now. And try not to beat yourself up about feeling anxious, if that makes sense? Or do whatever helps, even if you know it's a bit OTT/unhelpful.

Hi! 👋

Oh I am so sorry to hear you are having a tough time! I can imagine that having 2 kids on the spectrum is hard work! I have a toddler that I suspect might be diagnosed in the future too.

I really love the advice from @BertieBotts , as I think she got it spot on about me.

Sounds like you and I are stuck in the same spiral with underlined unresolved issues playing on our minds.

I am thinking about trying various therapies - but not the CBT. I found out that there are other versions that are available, see if CAT might be a good fit for you.

Hang in there. I think the first step is to know what's eating at you the most and then start addressing it.

I do not know how to stop compulsively spending though! This one is really tough for me

Thank you so much for such thoughtful response! I think you got it spot on about me.

There are two big stressors in my life currently that I haven't listed above and I think you are right, if I solve them i will be in an enormously better place.

Hopefully taking the guilt off about the other things will help you sort out the two big stressors. Good luck xx