People who aren't asd, what are they like?

[tobee]

So I'm the mother of an adult dd with formally diagnosed ADHD and autism.

People always seem to say "x,y and z behaviour are typical autism behaviours" etc.
But I never see defined what is not autistic behaviour.

What behaviours do neurotypical people have? Or does it not work like that?

Throw in non adhd behaviours too if you like.

Hope my question makes sense.

Neurotypical are not bothered by bright lights, crowds (in fact some enjoy being in a crowd), noise (in fact some focus better with noise around them). They genuinely enjoy small talk and actively seek it out. That's all I got

Neurotypical people have the ability to understand social cues like body language and facial expressions in most situations.

Or, to put it another way, "Neurotypicals seem to dislike dictionaries, and use animal-like gestures and facial contortions to indicate that the words they're speaking carry a completely unrelated (or opposite) meaning to their definition; these expressions can vary wildly by tribe, although some of them are common to many tribes within a geographical area".

Thank you for the replies!

I hope my question made sense. I shied away from saying but I think I meant everything seems to be "this is how neurodivergent people fail at being human" rather than a compare and contrast of different ways of being human.

Neurotypicals try to show empathy by asking questions rather than finding common ground.

Neurotypicals tend to be quite comfortable with lying

They tend to be only mildly interested in things, and can are rarely able to hyperfocus.

I've never seen this explicitly said, but from general observation, it seems common for neurotypicals to lose the ability to play in adulthood.

They tend to care about status and social hierarchies to the extent that they will often choose higher status above happiness.

They are less sensitive in their sensory perception, and rarely find sensory experiences overwhelming.

They tend to be comfortable interacting with lots of people at once.

Neurotypicals tend to have lots of energy at a consistent level.

From observation:

Neurotypicals seem to need a high level of social interaction and struggle to concentrate or stay on task for long periods.

They enjoy talking about fictional storylines in soap operas as if the characters were real, and about the minutiae of celebrity’s lives. They will share and relive these revelations with exclamations of surprise as if experiencing it for the first time, and repeat similar with numerous people.

They can sit remarkably still for extended periods of time

They assume everyone’s minds work the way theirs do and seem to struggle to understand it even imagine different neurotypes.

They track and predict time quite accurately. This may be related to the consistent energy levels @UnimaginableWindBird mentioned.

They are very easily offended, and quick to attribute ill intention to any behaviour that transgresses their social norms.

They can be deeply suspicious and intolerant of perceived difference. But ironically do not like to be perceived as intolerant or discriminatory. So the same behaviour could elicit violence or understanding depending on whether they perceive it as aberrant or it has been labelled special needs.

They can be inconsistent in both their actions and opinions. And often believe things about themselves and others that are demonstrably untrue, even when the evidence has been pointed out.

They often form opinions by seeking consensus from their peers, rather than logic or reason, yet appear convinced that they are using logic, reason or the application of their own intelligence.

Neurotypical people do not experience much unpredictable fluctuation in levels of energy, interest, emotion, attention, or sensory sensitivity. Barring physical illness or psychological trauma, one day is much the same as the next on an experiential level.

The feeling of joy and fulfilment that comes with collecting knowledge, information or objects for ND people, can be experienced in everyday social interactions for NT people, so that spending time companionably with other people sparks a sense of contentment, excitement, connection and purpose - and doesn’t just feel like an exhausting waste of time or a distraction from more interesting / important things. Particular needs for neurotypical people include variety (of activity, diet, aesthetic environment, social life), deliberate social interaction, celebrations / marking special occasions. ‘Agreeing to disagree’ is something NT people often value more than being right or being in control.

I’m ADHD with ASD / PDA family members and as my social life dwindles due to caregiving constraints, I don’t often encounter NT people. When I do, the above traits are what stand out for me as markedly different from my ND family & close circle.

NT people do not understand why anyone would be interested in things that don’t directly concern them.

Is this true? It sounds very sad.

Just catching up on this thread again. Interesting and lots to think about.

I often say of my adult asd daughter that she can't do/doesn't do bullshit. Which is a clumsy way of saying she can't, for eg, brighten up her c.v. Make her good points sound more appealing. Neurotypicals mightn't lie or embellish but they would emphasise their qualities more fluently.

My dd also thinks that it's as if neurotypicals just automatically know social codings.

😊 No, I don’t do BS either. I can often find NT’s horribly insincere. Considering we’re supposed to be the ones with empathy deficiencies, I often find NT’s vacuous, shallow, unimaginative and “un-real”. They don’t fit with me, because I’m genuine and not two faced. Two faced people make me nervous. I’ve no idea how to respond or how to build a friendship with someone who isn’t well… “real”.

You see, I enjoy socialising and like different activities. The only thing I relate to is not doing 'bullshit'. I was once told by a recruiter I was the only person they'd met that undersold themselves on a CV . I also can't bear following the crowd, or tribal mentality. The worst NT thing I see here on Mumsnet is when people pile on a thread to tell the same joke, it's so unoriginal. My view on speaking is only speak if you have something original to say and more importantly get to the bloody point

We (I have Aspergers) are not failed humans.

Many ND people have successful careers, relationships and friendships. I have thought myself to be defective in some way but the reality is, I am different in many aspects which are great attributes. I don’t say one thing and mean another; I don’t pretend to like a situation whilst allowing some wrong or injustice to go unnoticed or not called out. I did in the past because it was the socially right thing to do. I’m an efficient person. Ask me to do something and I will. It made me successful in my chosen career.

I find some NT people hard to read because they are not straightforward. Give me straightforward, every time.

I think, it’s kind of a super strength to be straight forward. I never feel comfortable with people who are “false”. Yes, be kind/gentle/non confrontational… to a point. Nowadays, I don’t have to be “tolerated” by those who find me unusual. They are not a part of my world. And that’s good for all involved.

I think neurotypical people like to fit in more than they like to be themselves.
They seem to struggle with the truth or any empathy for anyone's differences.

This sounds a bit hostile in tone, but it was my response on a thread about dating autistic people where it was being claimed that all autistic people were incapable of empathy, made terrible partners etc, so I was very angry.

I notice that on threads on MN where posters generalise freely about autistic people, if you turn round and generalise about neurotypicals they fucking hate it, get immediately defensive and accuse you of being divisive.

I thought everyone uses AI for their CVs nowadays. Your daughter could ask for a flattering CV on Chatgpt.

Me (ADHD) and my AuDHD DS are not bothered by bright lights or crowds. But I think you nailed it with the small talk in that it’s not that NTs don’t seem to mind it, but they seem to enjoy it and seek it out. Madness!

Just catching up again on these replies.

Dh has in the past year or so, come to the conclusion that he's likely autistic.

He said the other day that it's good that he doesn't care much what other people think. I thought "hmmm, up to a point!" 🤔

Ah yes of course! I hadn't thought of that; suggesting that to dd. Thanks