Want a family but scared of passing on ASD

[robinsrace]

My partner and I both have ASD. We have full time jobs and a house together and are really happy. We'd desperately love to have a baby, but I'm absolutely terrified of passing on ASD to our child, especially having seen the struggles others face.

I guess I don't know what I'm asking, but I'm just awfully frightened. I'd be heartbroken if we never had children, but am also scared that we will have a child that we simply can't meet the needs of, along with caring for ourselves. What if it makes us unhappy? What if our baby has severe ASD and needs lifelong care? I'm finding it all consuming. If anyone has any experiences or advice I'd really appreciate it

Stick at one kid. Or at least a big gap until you know what you are dealing with.

@robinsrace , I know what you are coming from but I'm not sure your level of fear is justified.

Neither DH nor I are diagnosed yet, but pretty confident we're both autistic. We have one teenage child, diagnosed autistic at 13 ('high functioning'). But I didn't know that about myself when I became pregnant.

However, we took a long time to decide anyway because I didn't want my child to be 'like me', whatever that was. I the end, the biological impulse was strong but also, I had been observing for years loads of total jerks having multiple kids without a second thought to passing on their jerkness. And I saw clearly that the world would not be worse off by having more people 'like me' instead of like those.

DD said to me after diagnosis that she'll never have kids because she didn't 'want them to be like her'. That moment winded me. BUT. I could honestly tell her that I has been worried about that myself and it turns out that yes, she's like me (us) but I truly think she is absolutely smashing.

We stuck at one because it's all I could cope with. I had horrific PND, which I had half expected, but which I'm sure would have been less bad had I known there was a diagnosable reason for my struggles.

Self awareness is half the battle. Good luck making a decision.